Body of Christ
A rather silly short story
“And now,” Jesus Christ said, “I pass unto you my body and blood. May it — ”
“What’s that?” A disciple interrupted.
“I said, I pass unto you my body and my blood. For it is this token that you will keep with you, the most personal of — ”
“D’you mean to tell me that that is a piece of your body?”
Jesus paused and with the cracker in his hand. The goblet in the other. “It is the holiest of gift I can give to you, my disciple. I assure you.”
“Looks like a cracker.” Another disciple pitched in.
“It’s… Well yes, it is a cracker. But — ”
“And is that wine?” A third disciple chimed, now hovering over Christ’s shoulder. “Looks like wine.”
“Yes… Yes it is wine, but I assure you — ”
The first disciple spoke now with more conviction. “So… you’re the son of God, right?”
“Technically, I am also God and — ”
“Yeah yeah yeah, that whole thing, sure. But if you’re the son of God — and lying is still a sin… Right?”
“Yes, a venial sin, but yes, this is true. It is a sin.”
All the disciples around the table leaned closer to the first, suspicious disciple. A few eyed the bread, while most looked at Jesus, then at the first disciple to see his reaction.
He told Jesus, “I thought you weren’t allowed to sin?”
Jesus Christ looked confused and recounted the man’s words as if they were a riddle. After a moment, he said, “I don’t understand. What sin have I committed? I shall repent immediately, my brother.”
“Well you’re a liar.” The disciple pointed at the cup and cracker. “You’re lying right to our faces.”
Each man around the room looked at one another with conceding faces, nodding in soft agreeance.
Jesus said, “‘Tis no lie.”
“Sure it is,” a random disciple said.
“Yeah, you said…” another disciple started to say, then looked around for reassurance. “You said that thing about the… The bread being your…” He looked at the man to his right to help him spit the words out. They nodded with their mouths open in unison.
Together, they said, “Your body.”
Then another disciple said, “Yeah, then about the wine being all… bloody.”
“But it’s not, is it?” The first disciple said, “It’s just wine. I can see it.”
Jesus gawked around him. The audacity of the statements shook him. Jesus put his hands up gently to quiet the maddening crowd. He said, “As I said, ’tis no lie. It is a metaphor. An allegorical message to say that I give myself up for you, my brethren. My family.”
“Sounds like another lie,” another random disciple said, “We’re not related… I thought you said you didn’t have a mom? Seems unlikely to have any brothers.”
Jesus rolled his eyes and said, “No, again, it’s not meant in a literal sense.” He had set the goblet down and now he tapped his finger on the bread in annoyance. “It’s more of a… a… an exaggerated way to make a point. Do you understand?”
Many disciples nodded their heads to agree. The night-time sounds outside the adobe room took over and a few smacks of peoples mouths could be heard in the quiet. A couple of people added some mhms and some yeps of agreement.
Eventually, the first disciple said, “No. I don’t get it.”
“Grrrrr.” Jesus let out a frustrated grunt and set the small coin of bread on the table with restrained fervor. “Okay… I’m sorr — ” he interrupted his apology to them and looked through the roof and said, “I’m sorry.” He then looked back down and said, “I’m sorry, I’ll… Listen, I’m going to die tomorrow and I just thought it would be nice to have one last meal with my friends. That’s all. I got some wine and some bread… And I… Let’s just eat. Okay?”
“Why didn’t you just say so?” the first disciple said as he reached over and grabbed the bread. He dipped it in the wine, which caught Jesus off guard. Jesus refrained from saying anything. He had lost control of the situation. The first disciple paused before eating the morsel of soaked bread. A smirk grew on his face and Jesus looked at him curiously.
The disciple held the bread into the air and bowed a tiny bow, sarcastically saying, “Body of Christ.”
He and Jesus made eye contact, then the first disciple exploded into laughter. Quickly, everyone in the room joined him.
Jesus didn’t think it was funny.
Enjoyed the story? How about another even better one! Wow! It’s called Zombicide. It’s my favorite!
© Dayton O’Donnell 2019
Originally published at https://www.daytondoesstuff.com on July 8, 2019.