Break Apart
“I love you and that will never stop,” he said as he leaned in to kiss my forehead, holding me tight.
Sounds so sweet and loving, as if it were the most romantic scene in a movie, or in one of my many hopeless romantic dreams. Well, this is how the man of my 'then dreams’ would say goodbye to me. The high, however, was short-lived. He then would fall off the face of the Earth and proceed to seclude himself and halt all communication for weeks at a time.
In my semi-delusional mind, I believed him. I believed he would always love me.
I don’t believe you.
I don’t believe in you anymore.
I grew a spine. I am a strong woman. I will stop this because you stopped.
You stopped checking in on me.
Stopped sending me sweet nothings.
You stopped caring about me.
You stopped loving me.
You STOPPED, not just loving me but loving life.
This year, I have come to accept, has been and will be the first year without you. I refuse to keep this masochistic feeling you give me and which I yearn for so badly. Issues from my lack of parental love have kept me in a roundabout love circle I've been caught in for the past fifteen years.
I have never stopped loving someone without a fight. I have fought for everything in my life and love is no exception. I stopped fighting for you and your love, even if that love was in small bursts.
I’m tired, and to be quite honest, you can’t handle my large amounts of love. Loving you, no matter how hard, is short-lived and goes nowhere. My love is priceless and belongs to someone who will value it, rather than your empty void.
This morning I woke from a nightmare. I woke up not wanting to love you anymore.
Love just isn’t about saying it. Show me love and I’ll follow suit.
We are all valued to be loved, at least for those who truly want it.
