CC-BY 2.0

Breakdown

Let the bullets fly and strike me down when I spread my wings wide to fly

Let them knock me over and beat my body till I bleed when I move towards my goal

Let death take me but life never leave me when my body hits the floor after my last breath has left me

Chaos in my mind and demons in my soul

Villas that I’ve been dreamin’ in my head

Places to go and crash, just another place to let out all the trash in my brain

Another place to break down and get away from the pain

These mansions of my mind and castles of my cranium don’t exist as homes for my heart and soul to reside in.

They’re the torture rooms I take myself to when all the flags I see are red in the mirror.

Blood fills my mind, the same shade of the flags visible on my face

Like I need a bouquet of roses to show I know what love is

No, my blood is enough

Drip drip drop, my blood is boiling hot

The emotions inside me I can never understand

They come at me armed to the teeth with weapons I didn’t know existed

Slamming into me with fists and flames

Burning me with the heat of my own passion

I hate this poem

Some people call me loathsome

All I know for sure is that I’m soft spoken, broken, and every now and then experience an explosion of emotion I like to call,

One of my ‘breakdowns'

It happens every now and again when…

what was I saying?

Sometimes the thoughts fly by my mind like a clock being tossed straight at me

Oh how time flies… and oh how much it hurts

When they say time heals all wounds they have no idea what they mean

The longer I try to deal with the emotions I seal

The greater zeal they have to attack me with

And I felt lost when I looked up at the blue sky and dark night

Alone when I stared into the ocean

And broken when I looked into the mirror

Always being looked down on

From the clouds looking down at me.. the wind pushing me around

The waves crashing around me.. the water sloshing around me

Me… looking down at myself, hurting myself

My soul flirting with my heart not seeing it’s jagged edges and broken parts

My brain tells me to quit

Go to bed

Sleep

It’d be better if you were dead

Maybe I’ve got it twisted

If I had never existed maybe I would never have insisted on other people’s happiness

Having to feel like Midas without the greed wanting only to feed the world

Maybe if money could buy happiness then I as Midas would be mighty

Maybe if money could heal broken bones then I as Midas would by haughty

But none of that works and I’m not Midas

I’m just me… and maybe I am priceless

I could also just be mindless

These crises that overtake me and break me down do nothing more than give me the excuse to stand up again

These breaking bones and aching hearts only show me what I need to change

Never again

I will grow and heal with effort not time

I know the future holds a treasure that I cannot unlock on my own

Whether a philosophers stone or gods throne

I’d be thrown into hell without a second thought if I were my executioner

With Jupiter overseeing my burning body in the sun

I wouldn’t scream in pain or agony

I’d smile and be at peace when the flames in me would be engulfed by the heat of a star

Then again, this is just another breakdown.

Just another breakdown.

Just more questions with no answers and the unknown always growing

Just more thrown at me and my expecting it not to effect me.

Maybe someday I’ll break down to really break down and not build myself up again

I know there’ll be a day from which I won’t be able to return

I know there’s gonna be a day when my break down breaks me beyond recognition or repair

But that’s alright

I’ll burn in the sun with my passion

Alone, as I should be…