Breakdown
Let the bullets fly and strike me down when I spread my wings wide to fly
Let them knock me over and beat my body till I bleed when I move towards my goal
Let death take me but life never leave me when my body hits the floor after my last breath has left me
Chaos in my mind and demons in my soul
Villas that I’ve been dreamin’ in my head
Places to go and crash, just another place to let out all the trash in my brain
Another place to break down and get away from the pain
These mansions of my mind and castles of my cranium don’t exist as homes for my heart and soul to reside in.
They’re the torture rooms I take myself to when all the flags I see are red in the mirror.
Blood fills my mind, the same shade of the flags visible on my face
Like I need a bouquet of roses to show I know what love is
No, my blood is enough
Drip drip drop, my blood is boiling hot
The emotions inside me I can never understand
They come at me armed to the teeth with weapons I didn’t know existed
Slamming into me with fists and flames
Burning me with the heat of my own passion
I hate this poem
Some people call me loathsome
All I know for sure is that I’m soft spoken, broken, and every now and then experience an explosion of emotion I like to call,
One of my ‘breakdowns'
It happens every now and again when…
what was I saying?
Sometimes the thoughts fly by my mind like a clock being tossed straight at me
Oh how time flies… and oh how much it hurts
When they say time heals all wounds they have no idea what they mean
The longer I try to deal with the emotions I seal
The greater zeal they have to attack me with
And I felt lost when I looked up at the blue sky and dark night
Alone when I stared into the ocean
And broken when I looked into the mirror
Always being looked down on
From the clouds looking down at me.. the wind pushing me around
The waves crashing around me.. the water sloshing around me
Me… looking down at myself, hurting myself
My soul flirting with my heart not seeing it’s jagged edges and broken parts
My brain tells me to quit
Go to bed
Sleep
It’d be better if you were dead
Maybe I’ve got it twisted
If I had never existed maybe I would never have insisted on other people’s happiness
Having to feel like Midas without the greed wanting only to feed the world
Maybe if money could buy happiness then I as Midas would be mighty
Maybe if money could heal broken bones then I as Midas would by haughty
But none of that works and I’m not Midas
I’m just me… and maybe I am priceless
I could also just be mindless
These crises that overtake me and break me down do nothing more than give me the excuse to stand up again
These breaking bones and aching hearts only show me what I need to change
Never again
I will grow and heal with effort not time
I know the future holds a treasure that I cannot unlock on my own
Whether a philosophers stone or gods throne
I’d be thrown into hell without a second thought if I were my executioner
With Jupiter overseeing my burning body in the sun
I wouldn’t scream in pain or agony
I’d smile and be at peace when the flames in me would be engulfed by the heat of a star
Then again, this is just another breakdown.
Just another breakdown.
Just more questions with no answers and the unknown always growing
Just more thrown at me and my expecting it not to effect me.
Maybe someday I’ll break down to really break down and not build myself up again
I know there’ll be a day from which I won’t be able to return
I know there’s gonna be a day when my break down breaks me beyond recognition or repair
But that’s alright
I’ll burn in the sun with my passion
Alone, as I should be…
