Caught Between Love & Breaking
Remember that time I said I didn’t want to catch feelings, and you laughed but never explained why?
I get it now.
I can’t catch feelings- I am knit together of feelings. My bones are held together with love. My joints bend to joy. My blood is struggle and runs through tunnels of sadness and regret.
My heart beats empathy, and my skin is soft with hope.
The hair on my arms rises and falls to fear and to arousal. My fists clench to rage and fury. My brain fires off thoughts so heavy with emotion that someone like me can hardly separate the brain from this heart that emotes or is remote with needs too long untouched.
All those unmet needs make detachment an impossibility. I cannot catch feelings.
I am feelings, knit together in a body caught between love and breaking, caught between struggle and evolution.
This is my revolution:
To stop trying so damn hard
Not to feel
Or to be
Who I am.
Crystal Jackson 2019