Dampened Fireworks
I always became adrift
In the exploding sparks of the night sky
An abyss so dark and so deep interrupted
By color, by noise, by chest-felt vibrations
Bang. Pop. Shimmer.
Let each sound fill me with inconsistency
Remind me of blissful unexpectancies
You reach toward the lure of the black sky, first ever so timidly
Gaze into the fire of the soaring flares,
Watch as they build up, up, up, with dignity
Release the imminent tension into hot, sparkling thunder that’s
Never intimidated to force themselves
Into the conversation
Like how you sent for me.
Watch how the sparks ignite into patterns,
Desired lights twist and twirl into calculated shapes, that one looks like Saturn.
As if performing an intimate dance for wandering eyes,
Watch as the stars scatter.
Maybe sometimes what feels inconsistent and wrong
Is what’s truly meant to be, and you’ll look back and be grateful.
Maybe that’s all that matters.
What may seem random can indeed have its own cycle,
Like the booms and crackles that shake these familiar grounds,
That make my body jump,
That make my heart race just a little faster than moments passed.
That was created by someone.
That was meant to be, too.
And that’s what I believed about me and you.
On nights like this I reminisce about what used to be
Or visualize what could have been.
Nights like this make me want to excel the mobility in both my feet,
Imprint scattered tracks in the soft Earth until by body cries, “no!”
To hold you in my arms and tell you
That there can be fireworks in your life too,
To look in your eyes and tell you,
Your life won’t always feel or look like a dark, deep abyss
You won’t always feel empty here.
Let go of your fears, light the fuse and let the fireworks explode because
I’m here.
You crashed into my life like a wave I thought I was prepared for.
A tide that dared to face my burdens,
A current that promised to wash away my sins and with trust
(Like a dumb fuck)
I allowed your beautiful hands to submerge my head underwater.
Clouded with delusion, you made yourself believe I had fins,
Drowning me as my vision blinded and wounds burned by the salt within your sea
I needed help to see.
I believed chaining my ankle to the ocean floor meant that
I could float free.
Delusional.
Are you aware of the common metaphor in literature —
Being rained on
Or showering
Or being underwater for a period of time,
How it can symbolize rebirth?
It can be as simple as a boy getting baptized,
Submerged under holy water disguised as renewal, with all trust in the Pastors guiding hands.
Immersed in a symbol — water — with his reality of the Holy Spirit,
Thus cleansing his inherit sins,
Allowing him to start over.
Or it can be as simple as the feeling a character gets after the sun
Decides to finally kiss her skin after a storm on a walk home,
A warmth she didn’t expect to feel
But nonetheless, she appreciates and takes it as a message,
Life will go on.
But I’m not religious, and I’m sure as hell not a character in a novel.
Wishful thinking.
I guess that’s why I allowed the force of the tide to pull me under.
And I guess I just couldn’t come up for air
Reaching out only to grasp nothing as a rush of cold water
Trickled fast down my throat,
Sudden waves overcame me
Whipping me around till I couldn’t tell up from down.
Overwhelm me with who you are
Fill my lungs with your favorite songs,
As the air escapes from my lips, replace it with yours.
Drown me with your love, drown me with your love, drown me with your love.
It’s what I asked for
Right?
A mind I craved to delve into,
To awaken your enigmatic existence but instead my chain
Was pulled further and further down
The surface grew further and further away
Bubbles escaped from my chest and
Neither of us knew what to say.
There was nothing more to say.
We know it’s over.
We know it’s over because you ruined something that had the potential
To spark into an amazing love,
A love that begins with a twinkling trail
A love that follows through and explodes into wondrous shapes and colors,
Excitement and glory
Surprise and
Awe,
Laughter and
Joy,
Warmth and
Touch
and
You fucking ruined it!
You licked your fingertips and pinched the sizzling end of our fuse,
Drowning the heat of the one foundation needed
For our luminous light to take flight and that was my trust,
My self-esteem, my sanity (did I say one?)
You spat on your hand
Allowed it near places it shouldn’t have been
Extinguished what you called the only flame in your life.
You gave up.
You tossed a diamond and scrapped a penny off the bottom of the pool.
These dampened fireworks won’t ignite from your flare,
I’m not a damned fool.
© Destinee Pierce 2019, All Rights Reserved
