Dirty Secret

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“Okay, I’ve shared my dirty secret with you. Now what’s yours?”

“It’s hard to share.”

“Come on. It’s safe with me.”

“You promise not to laugh?”


“Um, okay… I reach across tables for food. Lazy Susans included.”

“No way!”

“Yeah, it’s not something I’m proud of. I’ve had a lot of problems because of it.”

“Wow, that’s crazy. I never would’ve guessed that. Do you think you’ll ever be able to stop?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think I’m good, but then the urge takes over when I don’t expect it, and I reach right across.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you feel weird about it, but wow. I really can’t believe that.”

“Yeah, my family has suffered the most. I’ve also lost boyfriends because of my addiction.”

“When did it start?”

“As soon as I could, I was reaching for things. I think it came from being the middle child and no one paying attention to me. So I would just reach for it myself. Then, out of my bitterness towards them I would do it just to lean against my siblings and get in the way. It became so normal after awhile, I forgot how it even started. My impatience grew as well, so I didn’t want to wait for someone else to pass me food.”

“I totally get that. You’re like the Frank Sinatra of females.”

“Ha, I love that you understand me. I did do it my way for sure. Now though, my life is shattered. My family never invite me for meals. Old friends give me the silent treatment. It’s embarrassing.”

“Thanks so much for trusting me with your secret. You can reach across a table anytime with me.”

“Thanks, but I think I really want to change.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“Hmmm…I think I’m afraid of debt.”


“You know, I’m afraid of owing people something. It’s the deepest stress I can imagine.”

“What if it’s a gift?”

“It never is, and how would I know? Who gets to decide? To initiate a debt, arrangements need to be made... Contracts signed. You know?”

“What if all relationships require debt in order for them to exist?”

“No! That can’t be. That’s my nightmare”

“Well, what if it is true, and your nightmare is the very breakthrough you need? What if it’s people’s chance to prove that they do pay attention to you?”

“Sorry, I’ve gotta grab some tissues. I’ve got something in my eye.“

“It’s alright, I’ll get them.”

“No!… Not you too!… I trusted you!”

“It’s a gift! I swear! I love you.”

“Don’t force me to hate you then! I love you too much.”

“Just trust me. I’ll do it real slow. It’s a gift. That’s it, real slow. Now you just have to receive them. Trust me. You can do it. That’s it. Now take the tissue. Yes. Yes. Good job! Now how do you feel?”

“Like I hate you… Good bye… And I’m not paying you back, just so you know!”

“But! But!… Damn!… I’m an Idiot!”