Innocent Ramblings
Should I? or Should I not?
I hate it when I quarrel with someone and then forget the reason. It makes my anger pointless, my emotions void. I’m pretty sure it was something annoying, enraging even. But now three days have passed and when I scroll down the profile of the person I’m mad at, absolutely refusing to say hi, I can’t quite remember what I’m mad about. I suppose I should be grateful that I don’t remember slight grudges for long. But now, I’m in a dilemma. Should I say hi first? Should I wait? But if I wait and the person says hi first, how do I explain being mute for so long, when I can’t clearly remember why I was mad in the first place.
I yearn to be petty and keep a grudge for months. I want you to be the first person to say “I’m sorry". Why does my maturity keep interfering? Why do I want to talk to you when it’s just been three days. I know I can do this for longer. You don’t own my existence. I can choose to not talk to you for as long as I deem fit. But right now, as I stare at your picture on my screen and I remember all the times we’ve laughed together, it’s especially hard. I have no motivation. I know I should keep the grudge, but I’m not sure why. I can’t remember what exactly you did wrong anymore. All I can remember is how much I miss you.
© Obba Immaculata. 2020
