CC0 — Sophie Gengembre Anderson (1823–1903)

Meditations on a Girl — II (Epilogue)

My courage is flat and my bravery in question

Heath ዟ
Heath ዟ
Aug 31, 2018 · 2 min read

I’m a brave guy when my heart isn’t on the line.

I have a fear of heights, still present when rappelling or co-piloting a glider plane, and while I’m shy, I write the very deepest raw-on-the-page parts of me for public consumption.

I’m a Serengeti lion with sharp teeth and claws, all the same, but I’d rather love, and be loved, than play ferocious.

I’ve explored weak parts of myself and made it back in one piece. I’ve been beaten without being beaten.

If you are in my care I’ll catch bullets for you.

When it’s my heart facing the fall, however, I struggle with bravery, I look for my courage, but instead I find my weakness, my kryptonite, this impossible girl.

She’s the most beautiful thing I know, a mesmerizing mermaid, a song-spinning siren — once a fable, a fairy tale, a frail supposition, except my blood knows she’s real… even if she doesn’t.

For all my words, I could fall silent with her, my thoughts on her lips, eyes caressing her freckles, my heart raging like a caged animal, and I no longer trust the link between my mind and tongue to hold up against the raw will of my own heart —

I want her. I’ve neither said nor typed a more honest sentence in my life. I want her, and while my courage is flat and my bravery in question, the desire for her is front and center, always, matched only by my fear.

Almost matched.

Despite my weakness, I will go to her and I will fight, in my own gentle way,
to show her I am, in fact, a hero quite handsome on the inside, a true Prince Charming, if she’ll have me.

I rally courage and bravery, both reluctant, and attempt to bend them to my purpose even while my blood runs cold.

My quest to prove worthy of her draws near to its meridian.


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Heath ዟ

Written by

Heath ዟ

https://amazon.com/author/heathhouston — — It doesn’t matter that you’re right if you don’t know why you’re right.

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