NIGHT TALES 11

Read in Peace

I have waited so long for this.

I risked going to suspicious looking sites, the ones that you are sure that by the time you click the “x” button, you have more than 10 windows of clickads open.

I scoured the shadiest, filthiest, and the ugliest part of the internet just to find an ebook of this.

My heart was racing. My right foot can’t stop tapping, disturbing the quiet of the office. It’s like there’s an unleashed monster, residing just underneath the first layer of my skin.

It’s the same feeling I get when I discover an old album I haven’t listened to. When there’s a new graphic novel released by my favorite author. Or even just a new song from my favorite band.

It’s the feeling of discovery.

And the feeling that what you’re about to discover will give you a new perspective, or better yet, change one.

I want to start reading it but I was at work. So I controlled myself. Put my phone down and took a deep breath. I was a little low on battery anyway, I decided that it’s best to conserve it.

I waited months for this, another couple of hours is nothing.

—

I practically ran out of the office, tasting the cold night air. I started the walk to the jeepney terminal that will take me to the train station. I whipped my phone out then started to read while walking. But since it’s only a couple of minutes walk, I didn’t get very far. I didn’t even reach the bottom of the second page.

A flash of irritation passed through me when I saw that the jeep was full. Like your-shoulders-to-the-face-of-the-person-next-to-you-full.

And I know as I took a seat (well, half of my ass took a seat, the other was awkwardly hanging off and I have to hold onto the overhead railing so as to not fall on the aisle), that I won’t get any reading done in the whole ride.

I was pissed.

I can’t imagine what face I was making the whole ride but I know it was enough to make the person sitting across from me give me weird looks.

I didn’t even care.

I tried to keep calm, thinking that maybe I’ll get some reading done on the train.

With that thought, I closed my eyes, and for the first time in my life, I looked forward to the train ride home.

—

I was so happy to get off the crowded jeep I thought I would cry.

I ran up the stairs to the train station and was relieved to see that there wasn’t the usual queue of people waiting to get their bags checked before entering the station.

This means that there won’t be a lot of people in the train.

I was so happy. I may actually get some reading done on the train!

I opened my bag for the security to check. I was feeling giddy with the thought of reading that I gave the guard a smile. I know I was a little manic though so I think it turned out a little scary and the guard didn’t smile back.

He just gave me a suspicious look, and I panicked a little. I was thinking that he’ll assume that I was on something and will ban me from entering the station ever again and I will have to ride the bus everyday, making my 45-minute trip three hours.

The thought made me want to puke.

But the guard just looked inside my bag, zipped it closed, then gave it back to me.

I was allowed to enter the station.

—

The train wasn’t full. I was standing but at least there’s a lot of space between me and the person next to me.

I took my phone out then started reading.

—

I was so absorbed in reading that I didn’t notice that the train was starting to get crowded. I noticed it pretty late, about three stations after I entered the train, but I just thought that the crowd won’t stop me.

There was no space left around me to move, but I didn’t care. I kept reading. I was still in the zone.

Then I heard it.

Everybody sharing the same space that I did heard it.

It was Taylor Swift.

She was somebody’s ringtone. To be more specific, she was the ringtone of the girl squished next to me.

I looked in horror as she took her phone out of her pocket, accepted the call, stopping the annoying melody of “Bad Blood”, thank God, then started talking really loudly to the person on the other line right beside my ear.

Dear God no.

I looked pathetically at the words on the screen of my phone. With the loud annoying voice in the train, I can’t understand shit. It might as well be in Chinese.

I don’t know how long I stood there. Unmoving. The idea of time was lost on me as people start getting off their stations.

Still the annoying girl, with the annoying voice, and with the annoying ringtone stayed glued beside me.

Yelling her part of the conversation in my ear.

It became apparent to me that we are going to the same station. The last on the train line.

Because that’s how it is.

I learned to stop hoping that a shitty day can’t get any shittier.

Because it can always get worse. It can and it will.

It won’t be enough that I have to endure the noise just for forty minutes. No, I have to endure it until the last second of the ride.

Jesus Christ.

I was only halfway home.

And I’m sure that by the time I get home I won’t have any time to read because I end up sleeping, always too tired from work.

I was distracted from my thoughts as the train reached the last station.

Somberly, I walked with the rest of the commuters, with the girl who was still talking on her phone.

Off the train, down the stairs, and through the turnstiles.

I was still holding my phone.

I stood there in the middle of the station. People not looking my way as they go. Some who did gave me a weird look.

I was thinking if maybe I should just give up reading for the rest of the day. Just ride the van home and just keep my phone buried in my bag. Like there’s nothing important reading on it.

But decided against it.

I felt a sudden drive to tell the universe that “No. You will not win today.”

It’s dumb. But I felt like I won the minute I decide to not give in.

Won what, I don’t know.

I just felt like a winner.

I will read that book on the ride home.

Even just through Chapter 1.

Just. One. Chapter.

I was smiling now. Smiling in the middle of the station, phone in my hand.

I went down the stairs, with a manic smile on my face.

I was running now. Thinking that as soon as my ass touches the seat of the van, I will continue reading on my phone until the end of chapter one.

The van was loading passengers and I slipped inside, a little out of breath. I immediately paid the fare so I won’t be disturbed until my stop.

I unlocked my phone, then started to read.

Not two seconds later, my phone died.