On Self-Harm and Making Deeper Connections
When a person refuses to develop a personal connection with me, I get too worked up and become excessively introspective. This is because I’m looking for that certain quality that I can share with the person, so that we have something in common. Today, as I sit yet again inside a coffee shop, reflecting over a cup of excessively sweet brew of mocha, I realized that I’m inflicting nothing more than self-harm.
And I had been doing this unconsciously, practically tearing myself in the process with the sole intent of leaving a decent impression to another being who is, by all means, might be uninterested on whatever happens to me.
Maybe this is the reason why I should learn how to set boundaries: I shouldn’t degrade myself just because someone chooses not to have a personal connection with me, and neither should I force that person to change who they are either. Looking deeper, this small “habit” had made me judgmental whenever I’m refused: I immediately tag them as one of the “bad guys” because they refuse my offer of friendship.
Sitting down tonight and writing about these things helped me gain a better perspective not just about the people who think differently than I do, but also about how I see myself as a person.
It’s true that there really are things that aren’t meant to happen, and that I can’t make deep, lasting connections to everyone I meet. It’s not my fault, and not even theirs either, because our uniqueness as people is what makes us, well, us. And I should begin to accept this if I want to make it thru life without tearing myself.
Huh. I think I’ll have another cup.
