The Choice

Photo by Luis Galvez on Unsplash

I need to breathe

There’s oxygen all around me,

Yet, my lungs choose not to take it in.

I feel my vision clouding up;

The room is spinning,

But I’m standing up straight.

There’s a smile on my face;

I’m chatting animatedly,

So nobody can see that I’m actually struggling.

Some people hide behind masks,

I hide behind humour.

My mind is constantly fooling me;

It’s telling me that I’m not good enough,

I’m not smart enough,

I’m not worthy enough.

My future doesn’t exist yet;

So why should I?

“Somebody help me!”

My eyes exclaim.

“I’m perfectly fine” my mouth says.

The dichotomy is killing me.

My mind and my soul are at war;

My body is simply collateral damage.

Every attack is gunfire on my soul;

A thunderous shot to my heart;

A piercing shred of glass in my lungs,

I can’t move.

I can’t feel,

I can’t breathe.

I can’t.

I can’t.

I can’t.

But I can.

I can choose;

To not allow my soul to be destroyed;

in a war that shouldn’t have to be mine.

I can choose peace.

I can choose me.

The choice is mine.

I don’t have it all figured out yet;

The only thing I can do,

In this moment;

Is the first thing I ever did,

Straight out the womb.

Inexperienced at the time,

yet perfectly mastered;

I close my eyes;

I open my mouth,

And I choose;

to breathe.

.................................

Shrishti Maharaj 2019