The Q
‘Happy Birthday!’ a chorus of voices shouts.
‘Happy birthday sweetie.’
‘Thanks mom,’ I wave off the face smiling at me from the screen.
‘Yeah, Happy Birthday, sweetie,’ Clara chimes in, giggling.
‘I know you don’t mean the sweetie part, but I will take it anyway,’ I say to the new face that takes the place of Mom’s on my T.V.
‘And thanks to everyone else. You all have made this an amazing 35th. Wouldn’t want to spend it with any other group of clowns.’
A panel of faces, twenty five in all, scrolls the bottom of the TV. As people take turns speaking, their faces dominate the screen for a moment before being replaced by someone else. Four people can be on screen at once but cross-talk can be an issue. Over time, everyone has gotten used to the dynamic that develops in decentralized conversation, knowing when to pause naturally.
‘Have a good one bud,’ Matias waves as his screen goes dark. We play soccer together. I’m a striker, he plays midfield. He has an eye for the pitch. He can see a play developing two steps ahead of everyone else. We were one goal away from qualifying for regionals last year. ‘Remember to charge your controller, eh?’ Matias laughs as his screen goes dark.
‘Have a great rest of your day. I’m sorry the cake I made was a little dry.’ I glance at the red-velvet cake Kai and the rest of the cooking club made today. We followed her instructions as she guided us. In three weeks, it will be my turn to lead the group in making creme brulee.
‘Maybe a hint too much flour. Easy enough to fix,’ I smile.
‘And more nutmeg,’ Greg adds.
‘You want nutmeg in everything,’ Tomasa chimes in.
‘It gives a hint of spice while not overwhelming,’ Greg explains to the entire group.
‘Yes, yes, we all know how you love nuts,’ Kai giggles.
‘On that note, your mother and I are going to go eat dinner,’ my father chimes in.
‘Bye dad.’
‘Bye Mr. Smith,’ Lynette waves at the screen.
‘Bye, Lynette,’ an older man waves before his screen goes black as well.
‘One more shot dude,’ Chris pops on screen with a small glass full of clear liquid visible.
‘I’m OK. If the fireball didn’t do it, the tequila will,’ I raise an empty shot glass as proof.
‘Ugh, you are such a little bitch sometimes,’ Chris slams his empty glass down, only half joking.
‘Easy for you to say. You aren’t the one taking care of him when he’s blatoed,’ Lynette jumps in.
‘To be fair, neither are you,’ Chris smiles.
‘I don’t see you sitting up with him,’ Lynette goads in a good natured, motherly way.
‘If I do ever see you, I am taping this bottle to your hands and watching you finish it,’ Chris fills another small glass and lifts it.
‘That’s a bet,’ I say, as I raise my still empty glass in salute.
‘Homeboy, out,’ Chris’ screen goes black.
‘Anyone else still there?’ Lynette stares deep into the screen.
‘Just us,’ I reply.
‘Good, I thought they’d never leave. I’ve been wanting to give you your present all day,’ she takes a half step back in the shot, revealing her entire torso.
‘And what is my present?’ I ask, smiling.
‘Do you want me to unwrap it for you?’ Lynette smirks as she slides the shoulder strap of her halter top down her left arm.
‘I’d love to see that,’ I sit back on the couch and watch as Lynette surreptitiously disrobes for me. She turns on music at one point and dances, swaying her hips back and forth, as she removes her bottoms.
‘What should I do now?’ she asks into the camera, looking over her shoulder.
‘Touch yourself,’ I say.
‘Only if you do the same,’ she sounds far away. Her voice is mechanical even as she is trying to be sexy.
‘What does it feel like?’ I ask.
‘Oh, it feels so good,’ Lynette closes her eyes as she commits to the process.
‘No, like, really, what does it feel like? I’ve imagined touching you so many times, but…I have no idea what that would actually be like. What does it feel like to touch your body?’ I lean forward in my chair, studying Lynette’s body in the same way I have done so often before. Comparing.
‘Uhm, I dunno, what does what feel like?’ Self-consciousness flashes across her normally confident persona.
‘Uh, I don’t know. Your boobs, I guess?’
I start at the top and make my way down. Having Lynette explain in detail every perceivable difference between herself and I. She request I do the same. I am happy to follow through. And so, I spend my 35th birthday exploring a woman in ways I had never dared before. It is one thing to watch someone. Participate alongside even. But it is different to explore.
I have seen four people in my life.
That’s not true. I have seen hundreds, no thousands of people. Just never in the flesh. I’ve only seen an actual person a handful of times.
‘Daddy, it’s time to get up.’ I am five years old, prodding my father who is still drooling on his pillow even though light is streaming through the window.
‘Wha? Leave me alone,’ he waves me off through his drowsiness.
‘But Daddy, it’s time to go to school,’ I continue to shake him.
‘School? No school. Not today.’ He rolls over this time.
‘Why aren’t I going to school? I like school. My friends are at school.’ I continue to press his back with my finger, like he is made of buttons.
‘Go ask your mother,’ he swats at me blindly.
‘Mom, why am I not going to school? Why is Daddy not getting up for work?’ I yell as I run down the hall.
‘Well, so, there is this thing. It’s like a cough. But more than a cough. And some people get sick from it. And so we don’t want to get people sick. So everyone is staying home for a few days.’ Mommy is kneeling before me with her hand on my back.
‘So when am I going back to school?’
‘Soon, sweetie.’
‘Sooo, can I watch TV?’ I look coy.
‘Yes darling. Go watch TV.’ she pats me on the back and I feel better.
I saw a doctor once. Like a real life one. I was doing my yearly call in and they noticed something on my back, something I couldn’t biopsy myself, so I had to go in.
It always amazes me how wide the city streets are when there is never anyone on them. I guess they were designed before the time of the Q, when there were lots of people. There must have been so many, it doesn’t make sense. How could there have been so many people in one place to need streets so big? I remember being on these streets with other people when I was little, but that seems more like a dream now.
A police truck yelled at me as I made a right turn to the doctor’s office.
‘Pass!’ The vehicle barked at me.
I held up my yellow pass, listing my starting point, destination, route to be taken, and time permitted for travel. I held the pass up to a tinted window before being ordered on my way.
As I sat in the examining room, in walked a little old man. We were separated by a wall of clear plastic, but there he was. And he was going to touch me. Granted, through elbow length surgical gloves that stuck out from the middle of our plastic divider. But, only a thin layer of rubber, or whatever it was, was going to separate me from another person.
The idea excited me. Even if it was a little old man, touch is touch.
I prepared my own surgical equipment and handed it to him as needed. It was an easy enough procedure, so only the two of us were necessary. After I was patched up, I made the solo walk home through the empty streets, making sure to keep to the timeframe printed on my pass.
Once back in my apartment I showered, fully clothed, in a disinfecting spray.
‘They can’t close down the government for months,’ Dad yells at the TV. ‘It will ruin the economy.’
‘If we don’t, more people are going to get this. And that will overwhelm the system,’ Mommy says in her very best Mommy Voice.
‘Yeah, in the short term. Yes, people are going to die. But people die in war too. And we don’t shut the economy down over it.’ Daddy uses his best Daddy Voice.
‘Are you saying you want my mother to get this and die?’
‘Your words, not mine,’ Daddy laughs.
I saw a streaker once. He ran down our street, screaming for everyone to come out. You could hear him for blocks, screaming his nonsense. He said he had been outside for a week and still wasn’t dead. The ravings of a lunatic.
He bumped past me as I was heading home with my groceries. I spilled the milk that needed to last me 8 days. I heard the shots two blocks away. The police didn’t even give a warning. They never do with streakers. Under the Quarantine Acts a major public health hazard, such as an unchecked individual, is a national security risk.
I still count that as seeing someone though.
‘Listen to this honey,’ Mommy says in her worried voice.
‘What’s that?’ Dad ambles over from the kitchen.
‘They say the virus has mutated to something more deadly. Now the death toll is up to twenty percent across all age groups and up to fifty percent in the at risk groups.’ Mommy’s hand is in front of her mouth as she talks.
I’ve never seen Daddy look scared before. It scares me.
‘What’s going on?’ I dare to ask.
‘Nothing sweetie. Nothing.’
‘Am I going back to school?’
‘Not for a long time, sweetie.’
I kissed a girl once. Well, she kissed me.
The door next to mine opened just as I was coming home from my allotted time at the gym. It startled me so much I couldn’t get my card key through the slot fast enough.
I looked over, in spite of myself, and there she was. She was probably ten years older but more attractive than any human I had ever seen.
‘I’ve seen you,’ she whispers.
‘We aren’t supposed to be talking.’ My hand shakes as it reaches for the reader once again.
‘They must have mixed our times up. Your time ended when my time began. Sometimes the two minute overlaps happen together. It’s happened to me twice,’ she goes on. ‘So we gotta make this quick.’
‘What quick?’ I can’t help but look up at her again.
When I do, she grabs the back of my head and leans in. I can feel her hot breath on my cheek as her lips press against mine. My head swims as she kisses me deeply. The symphony of sensation makes me want to pass out. It’s too much to process.
Who knew lips were that soft? Who knew people tasted? Or smelled? Good. I didn’t want it to stop. I had no idea what I was doing but I knew kissing was not the end of it. She pushed away and smiled.
‘Can’t be too long now, or we will get in trouble.’ With a wink she turned and walked away.
‘I love you,’ I whisper.
I still can’t get my card into the slot.
‘Pack your stuff sweetie,’ Mommy is putting clothes into her purple suitcase.
‘Where are we going? Are we going to Grammy’s house?’
‘No, not Grammy’s house,’ she rushes to the bathroom and back out again. She is in a hurry but I don’t know why.
‘So where are we going?’ I stand in the middle of the bedroom as my parents dart around me, nervous and quick.
Dad takes a moment and kneels down, like Mommy does when she’s explaining something.
‘So, you know that virus that has kept you from going to school?’ He talks slowly.
‘Yes,’ I nod.
‘Right, so it has gotten worse than people had thought. And now, to protect us, we are moving to a place where we won’t get sick.’ Dad puts his hand on my shoulder which has the opposite effect of its intended purpose.
‘We are leaving home?’ My heart beats faster. This is serious. First school. Now home. The next logical conclusion is Mommy and Daddy will be taken away. ‘For how long? Forever? Are we not coming back?’
Panic rises from the pit of my stomach. I shift from one foot to the other as Dad squeezes my arm in reassurance.
‘Not forever.’ He forces a smile.
‘For how long?’
‘We don’t know.’ He doesn’t try to reassure this time.
‘Where?’ A tear falls down my cheek.
The fourth person I saw fell from, gosh, it had to be high up. They made it past the nets that are put out to keep people from jumping. Even with a running start and no window, it’s a hard feat. She must have made fashioned some sort of contraption. The more creative types usually do something interesting. Make a slingshot out of bedsheets and a rolling chair or something.
She made it all the way across one of those giant streets. Hit the ground at kind of an angle, bounced, then skidded to a stop. I was the closest, only, person on the streets. The police don’t patrol much. They just guard the perimeter of the Q Zones. So long as no one tries to get out, they don’t try to get in.
If you are on the street at the wrong time, your key card will give you away. Our GPS lets the cops know exactly where we are. So, you don’t just happen upon law enforcement. They come to you, when they need.
I saw a body lie on the street, across from the apartment, for a week once. It was all purple and bloated by the time anyone came to pick it up. It’s stomach popped when they moved it. PPE or not, that’s gross.
This girl though, the one I saw jump, she wasn’t gross. She was young. Early twenties maybe. Her face, remarkably, was still intact, unlike the rest of her. She looked calm. Peaceful. Happier than anyone I have ever seen on my TV. I touch her cheek. It was still warm. Soft. Her blood was sticky. Her hair was smooth. I ran before anyone saw me and reported my contact with a human.
When I got to my apartment I disinfected for half an hour. I sat on the edge of my bed the next two days, cursing myself for being to stupid, waiting for the first sign of infection. The third day I turned on my PSX and went to soccer practice. I never mention the event to anyone.
‘This place is small,’ I take in our new home.
‘Yes, it is,’ Mommy sets her bags down.
‘Where am I going to sleep?’ I inspect the one bedroom the apartment has.
‘In the living room, sport. It’ll be a camp out every night,’ Dad sits in the middle of the floor, demonstrating how much fun our new situation is.
‘Can I go outside and play?’ The small, white walled box in which I find myself already bores me.
‘No, honey, you can’t,’ Mommy looks nervous.
‘But…why?’ I am utterly confused.
‘Because of the virus sweetie. We all need to stay indoors,’ She puts my head to her stomach as she cradles me.
‘For how long?’ Frustrated tears well up again.
‘I don’t know sweetie. I don’t know…’ she trails off.
I’ve lived in that apartment the last thirty years.
There was a guy across the street who would jerk off in front of his open window, every other day. Precisely at 3:00 in the afternoon he would stand facing the street, totally naked, and just go to town. The show would last about ten minutes. He would wave to everyone, then close his blinds.
Initially the community group chat was up in arms. Some of the more conservative minded of the group found his behaviour harassing and embarrassing. The younger kids thought it was hilarious. The older were told to shut their blinds if they didn’t want to see. The younger were told to shut their blinds because middle aged men pleasuring themselves is not something children need to see.
This went on for three months. Then, suddenly, one day, the man was gone. Caught the Virus was the official word.
‘Well, that’s it. Elections are cancelled.’ Dad throws the remote across the room. I’ve never seen him so angry.
‘How the hell…’ Mommy can’t finish her sentence she’s so mad.
‘Ruining continuity in an emergency, my ass. We turned into a dictatorship in three months.’
‘I’m scared babe.’ Mommy puts her hand on Daddy’s shoulder now.
‘Me too.’
‘Oh my God, it feels so good,’ Lynette continues to pant. ‘I wish you were here…to feel it with me.’
She stares into the camera, looking directly at me.
‘I need to,’ I say.
‘Yeah, you do,’ she is looking down again.
‘Can you stop? Look at me, real quick,’ I say, sitting forward on the couch.
‘What? What is it? What’s wrong, baby?’ Concern flashes across her face.
‘I need to be there,’ I say again.
‘Yeah, that would be great. I love thinking about…’
‘No, I’m tired of thinking. I need to touch you, for real. Just once.’
Lynette looks closer at the camera. ‘But that’s impossible. You know that.’
‘It’s not. I need to get groceries in two days. I can skip the trip and go to your apartment instead.’
‘But the GPS…’ she picks the camera up to look at me.
‘They only check if you don’t make it back at your appointed time.’
‘But where do you live even?’
‘Look outside. Find the Hope Tower. What side of the building is it on?’
Two days later I walk out of my apartment whistling. I have my suspicions. Today, I will get to test them. And, touch someone for the first time in living memory. Today is a good day. The best day I can remember.
© Alan Foster 2020
