To My Abuser’s Fiancee: Two Poems from Two Points in the Grieving Process
I’m trying to forgive you, but I don’t know if you’ll survive your engagement to my brother
Lately I’ve been thinking
You’ll be dead before your child’s born
And I’m sorry
I didn’t think you’d accept that shit
Remember when you held him together on the floor?
Cops with loaded guns bursting through the door
Bullet-ripped flesh forming a wedding ring
Blood-soaked fingers promised eternity
Lately I’ve been thinking
You’ll be grieving your life in the morn
And I’m sorry
I didn’t think you’d accept that shit
Remember when you sat still as the cop checked the guns?
Barrel by your head, regard for no one
Taking pictures, every angle and stain
Frown on your face and trauma on your brain
Lately I’ve been thinking
You’ll be dedicating time to mourn
And I’m sorry
I didn’t think you’d accept that shit
Remember when you turned your back for just one moment?
With a bang, through his chest that bullet went
Your naked boyfriend lying there in bed
Shock and fear racing ‘round your pretty head
Lately I’ve been thinking
You’ll be feeling awfully forlorn
And I’m sorry
I didn’t think you’d accept that shit
Remember when you announced that you would marry him?
Was it destiny or just a man’s whim?
Your family’s happy but you look depressed
Guns and carcasses don’t suit your white dress
Lately I’ve been thinking
You’ll be using that trauma brain worn
And I’m sorry
I didn’t think you’d accept that shit
Remember when you cleaned his room after every kiss?
I wonder how many bullets did miss
A bullet in the ceiling of your room
A constant reminder of all you’ve been through
A wonderland of weed
A promised land of pills
But you just keep on trying
To keep your eyes from crying
Has he ever told you that you’re beautiful?
Better without black bloodstains branding skin like beauty marks
Fairer without friendships forging fear into forensics
From Elysium to Zion
God knows what you’re getting high on
Now the wedding ring’s at the pawn
A rapture of rifles
A glory of gun slings
But you just keep on lying
To keep your heart from sighing
Has he ever told you that you’re lovable?
Deeper without drugs and darkness drowning your demeanor
Sweeter without gun sights seeking to surrender your sight
From Arcadia to Canaan
You know deep down you should have run
Death’s not a battle to be won
A paradise of porn
A bundle of bottles
But you just keep on buying
To keep your mind from dying
Has he ever told you that you’re genial?
Lighter without lighters leaking last resorts and laced luck
Greater without garbage getting gathered in the garage
From Utopia to Eden
I see your soul has been beaten
And your body hasn’t eaten
© Valkyrie Vanguard 2020
