Walking Reflections and Deep Questions

I’ve always been a fan of journaling, the vintage kind where pen and paper are your best friends. When I wrote this piece, the image above immediately came into mind. I’m not sure why though, but I knew I had to sketch it. ©hueytaruc09

Every late afternoon, especially when I leave the office and traverse the usual commute route, my mind goes into a meditative state, and I begin to reflect on things. Deep things.

Oftentimes I reflect about my place in this lifetime: I ask questions on how I play out my roles as a brother, son, teacher, friend, engineer, artist, writer, and every other possible hat I’ve worn whenever I’m alone or with somebody. These moments of reflection make me think of what I’ve done, what I should have done, and what I should do when another day comes.

And all of these thinking and reflecting happen as I jog my way through crowds of people who are possibly on their way home too.

I look up to the sky whenever I do my reflections, maybe hoping that the answers to my most deepest questions are seen amongst the stars. Sometimes I do capture a glimpse of a response from the divine, either as a falling star or as that first sparkle of white in the middle of the indigo eternity. More often, though, I’m left alone in my own devices, looking beyond with a slight pang in my chest.

Do I feel isolated? Maybe. Am I overthinking? Perhaps.

Why do I even think this way, you may ask? I don’t know either. Heck, even I can’t answer that age-old question why my personality urges me to ask such questions. When I gather enough courage to ask people to share thoughts, they would briefly start talking about it, before moving on to something “more interesting” like the latest gossip, or what’s the recent dance craze sweeping the country.

When I ask people these questions:

“How do you see yourself in the greater scheme of things?”

“Why do people believe in hope despite the languish and strife they experience everyday?”

“How can love ‘be worth fighting for’?”

When I ask these questions, I’m left with a blank face, and in worse cases, a raised eyebrow.

I understand if people are uncomfortable discussing about these topics. It’s not normal for people to talk about the philosophical things in life. Religion, may be an exemption, but talking about it often leads to politics, which, frankly, is not my piece of cake.

Sometimes I wonder if there is somebody out there who is also in the same quest as I am: always asking the deeper questions, always doubting about the universe, always pondering… Always curious.

Until then, I’ll continue to look up into the sky, with the moon as my distant but comforting friend.