Hands up, this is a Stand Up: the worst Comedy routine Probably Ever
On November 16th, 2017, I stood up in front of a class full of students who attend one of the most competitive universities in the state of Georgia and I told them about the time I mistook a man’s jump start request for a prostitution inquiry. I sacrificed control, safety, and major cool points in my pursuit for a one hundred on my final English assignment. While the prospect of a decent grade that required low maintenance definitely factored into the reason behind why I chose to tackle stand up comedy, there are several other aspects that contributed to its appeal. For one, it was an opportunity to share about myself with an audience that was required to give me their undivided attention. I would consider myself a moderately self-centered person, so any function where I can talk about myself for however long I want peaks my interest. It was also a chance to take a chance. Risks excite me; I thrive off of exhilaration. I’ve spoken at many public events and every time it gives me the jitters — but it also leaves me feeling more lively than before. Lastly, I wanted to use this platform to present stand up comedy the way I think it is the most enjoyable. Not so much as in the structure of my routine or the quality of my performance, but as in the propriety of my content.
I just don’t think sex jokes are funny. Don’t judge me! I’m not a prude (edit: actually I looked up the definition of prude and it turns out I am one, but still, don’t judge). They make me uncomfortable and I think there are so many other ways to get an audience to laugh that do not involve graphic embellishments of genitalia. It seems the most successful comedians are the ones who joke about limp dicks (Haddish) and vaginas with mousetraps in them (Chappelle). I won’t deny that there is humor in sexual innuendos, but I honestly find raunchy obscenity painful to listen to. It has largely to do with my upbringing. “S-e-x is a bad word,” “Private parts are meant to be private,” and the most haunting, “That’s inappropriate.” I was raised in the church and still live a Christian lifestyle today. As a result of all the controversy surrounding sexual immorality and the measures taken to discourage it, sex intimidates me. I also believe in the implications of its sacredness, so the public mockery of it does not exactly appeal to my sense of humor.
I figured the best strategy to achieve a routine that dosen’t conflict with my morals would be to choose three amusing stories about myself, find a creative way to transition from one to another, and end on the same topic I started with. I decided to center the content around my experiences in high school. The majority, if not the entirety, of this class is made up of first year students and I wanted to take them back to a familiar place. If their transition to college has been anything like mine, they’re making the most of their freshman year and wasting no time dwelling on the past. However, it’s nice every now and then to revisit a time in our lives that brought us so many memories. By making high school the subject of my performance, everyone in my audience was able to relate to me on some level.
I racked my brain for stories about myself that highlighted my moronic charm and landed on the following three: the time I tripped over my crocs in a hurry to escape from the dangers of fireworks, the time I thought there was an armed intruder in my school, and the time a man asked me to “jump him off” and I mistakenly assumed he was referring to his manhood rather than his vehicle. Each of these stories contain a fragment of my personality that I hoped my peers would find amusing and at the very least, reward me with pity laughter for sharing.
I value comedy that elicits laughter and contains powerful underlying themes while maintaining morality. I wanted to produce something that someone like me could watch and appreciate. I selected elements of stand up comedy that I admire and utilized them to deliver an act that induced laughter among my audience members without compromising decency
