Big Girl Adventures: the best thing I ever did for my self confidence…
The change happened gradually. When I first started going salsa dancing I wore jeans and a loose top and sneakers. I didn’t own a single dress, skirt, pair of shorts, dance shoes, or even a sparkly pair of earrings. Basically, I had spent the last decade of my life trying to hide and feeling the opposite of feminine. But I knew how to dance! I could move and it didn’t take me long to learn how to follow a lead. I met some amazing people and over time I formed a group of friends who all just loved to dance.
It was wonderful! But that’s not what changed me.
My first time on the dance floor the inner Midwestern Bible-belt born and raised white girl inside me was shocked and appalled at the tightness of fabrics, amount of skin showing, and flamboyant styles and colors of clothing swirling around me. It took effort not to stare sometimes. But I treated it like a cross cultural experience and allowed myself the freedom to just soak it in without judging. I put all this aside for some time and just enjoyed the dancing. Oh the glorious dancing! I looked forward to Saturday night every week! I felt like I had finally found a place I fit in.
But I didn’t really fit in. I wasn’t Latin. I didn’t even speak Spanish. I didn’t drink very much so it wasn’t like I enjoyed hanging out in clubs or bars. Why did I feel so good and comfortable here?
I went back to observing these other women. Yikes, those clothes were tight! But yet… they were shaped like me. My instinct was to say to myself “she can’t wear that, look at her hips!” Or “Look at her stomach! You can see her rolls and love handles! How can she go out in public like that?!” But then I started observing the way the rest of the dancers reacted to these women who, to me, were so inappropriately dressed. They were EATING IT UP! Seriously. These women looked like me. They were shaped like me! And they wore whatever the hell they wanted to wear! It was so beautiful. And no one cared. In fact, you know that old adage about how the most important thing you put on each morning is your confidence? Yeah, well, these women knew how to work confidence like the sexiest piece of lingerie in their dresser. And it was sooooooo damn alluring.
Eventually, I bought a dress. The first time I wore it dancing I got so many comments about how great I looked that I vowed I would never wear pants again. Ha! I didn’t keep that vow but I can’t even fit all my dancing dresses in my closet now because I have too many. And when I do wear jeans to dance in? They’re sexy skinny tight jeans that show all my curves!
Salsa dancing itself didn’t change my life. Finding a group of women who felt confident and sexy no matter the size of their hips, and realizing there were actually people out there who liked the way these women looked, changed my entire world.
My eyes were opened. For the first time in my life my shape wasn’t a detriment, it was a blessing! This was the most crucial turning point for my adult life. I always wanted to be a girl who wore dresses and sparkly earrings, but society told me I wasn’t that girl. I found a new society and a whole new me.
For my fellow big girls struggling to find some confidence… even if you don’t know how to dance, just find your nearest salsa dance venue and hang out there. Soak in the sexy confidence of these curvy gorgeous Latina mamas. You won’t regret it.
