Today I yelled at my husband, and it made me so happy.

I was standing in the kitchen washing the dishes when I realized what I had just done. When it hit me, I suddenly looked over at my husband sitting on the couch and gave him the hugest smile. He smiled back and sent me a kiss like he always does. I had just yelled at him. And I didn’t even think twice about it before or afterwards. This was a huge deal!

Before I continue, let me be clear when I say “yelled.” It was one of those exasperated moments when he had done something I’ve repeatedly asked him not to do and one of those things we will probably always argue about the rest of our days. Just one of those little annoyances that keep life spicy when living with someone you love. So when I say “yelled” I don’t mean that I belittled or berated him. I didn’t talk down to him or verbally abuse him. I simply made it very clear that I was very upset to find food in the sink, yet again. My voice was slightly raised and my tone of voice made it abundantly clear that I was frustrated and mad at having to scoop nasty old food out of the sink one more time. He argued back. I argued again. Then we moved on. But that’s when it hit me.

I just yelled at my husband and I wasn’t afraid of his reaction. I wasn’t holding in any feelings of frustration. I felt free enough in my relationship with him to let him know I was upset at him. I didn’t have any reason to hide it. He wasn’t going to love me any less if I let him know how upset I was. He wasn’t even going to be mad at me for more than a few minutes. He would still love me and I wouldn’t have bruises afterwards. I didn’t leave the room shaking in fear of one of his knives hitting it’s mark the next time. I didn’t have to crawl in to my bed and leave another layer of mascara stains on my pillow. I wasn’t going to be told how stupid or insignificant I was. I was free, truly free, to just… be.

I yelled at my husband. He yelled back. We gave each other a kiss and moved on. It was one of the best moments of my married life yet.

If you’ve been in an abusive relationship I’m here to tell you that some day your body will relearn. You won’t have to hide your emotions out of fear. Your heart and body will learn, someday, that it’s okay to express frustration. There are safe spaces and safe souls in the world. There is hope. It’s taken me many years and many hours of therapy to get here, but here I am, yelling at my husband! Finally.