Far From Perfect: 11 Girls Reveal Their Horrific First Kiss Stories

Your first kiss is an important stepping stone of growing up. For most of us, the first person you kissed is of little importance. We rarely, if ever, actually develop any kind of real relationship with them, and most likely can’t even remember much about their personalities. The stories of our first kisses and how everything went down however, stay with us for the rest of our lives.

For the most part, these stories are not our finest moments. We were young, inexperienced, and pretty much mortified about the whole ordeal. I was a theatre kid growing up, so my first kiss ended up being for a play I did. I didn’t really get to have the whole shy, embarrassing first kiss thing, which left me wondering what it’s really like. Did I miss out on something, or am I in fact, lucky to have escaped?

Lucky for me, many girls were willing to recount their awkward, uncomfortable, embarrassing, and downright horrifying first kiss stories:

The ones with too much tongue…

“My first kiss was in the seventh grade and it was awkward because he came at me with a wide mouth and slobbered all over me! Then stuck in his tongue and wiggled it around. Eww. Not like in the movies at all.” — Robyn, 22

“Well, to start, it was an online date and I got catfished. It wasn’t the worst kind of catfishes though. He was still pretty cute, just not like the picture. Anyways, we were making out and he was literally licking my chin, as in he thought he was supposed to make out with my unfortunate butt chin rather than my mouth. It was absolutely terrible and till this day I am pretty scared to go for tongue with a guy. On a side note, I didn’t see him again.” — Laura, 22

“It was freshman year of college, I was so badly wanting to get my first kiss out-of-the-way because it made me feel young not already having had my first kiss. I met this guy in my orientation class and then later found out he was in my biology class. We lived in the same dorm building as well. So, naturally we started talking and he would walk me home for three weeks straight. Then one night, I made the foolish mistake of asking if he wanted to come to my room and study at 11:30 at night. (NEVER INVITE A BOY OVER PAST THAT TIME) Anyway, he came over and started to talk about his favorite rom-coms (awesome right?). Then suddenly his tongue was jack hammering my mouth and I couldn’t keep up because I didn’t even know how to kiss. It was wet, aggressive and awful. He told me after that he cheated on his girlfriend with her best friend for months over the previous summer and that he just wanted to make sure he had game which is why he pursued me. He left and we never spoke again.” 
— Meghan, 20

The ones thanks to Truth or Dare…

“We were all playing Truth or Dare before some high school dance and I got dared to kiss this guy. He ended up choking me with his tongue and banging his forehead against my nose.” — Caroline, 19

“Awkward! I had my first kiss when I was 15. I lost to a Truth or Dare. Everyone was looking at us. He basically missed and it was really sloppy. What makes things worse is his mom is my nurse. So, I get to be reminded every time I go to the DR.” — Lindsey, 23

The ones that just plain sucked…

“It was traumatic. It was with a guy who was younger than me. I was 16 and he was 15 and it was in the woods. It was horrible. We both had no clue what we were doing. I was tripping over branches in the woods and had no clue what to do with my hands or tongue. He also tried to immediately go up my skirt after the first kiss and I said ‘no’. Needless to say he was an assh*le who stopped talking to me after that day.” — Michelle, 22

“My first kiss, so awk, was at the movie Wall-E. The guy I was dating at the time asked me to go to the movie with him and his friend. Naturally, I asked my friend to come with me. As the movie began, his sweaty and nervous hands entwined with mine, let me mention that I was in 7th grade. Anyways, there is this immaturely sexual part where Wall-E sprays a fire hydrant and all the white foam comes out. My boyfriend at the time made some stupid joke and then slobbered, (what he thought was making out), all over my lips. Of course I followed along but at the end of the movie I sat mortified with a blank face. I told my friend and we went home and wrote about it in my diary.” 
— Paige, 22

“My first kiss was in seventh grade in the school hallway, in front of everyone. The Golden Rule is you both tilt your head to the right, but he tilted his to the left. We ended up missing each other’s lips in front of the entire hallway full of people waiting for us to kiss (classic middle school relationship moment.) Don’t worry we tried for round two the next day and made it happen. Good ol’ young love.” — Peyton, 18

“Definitely awkward. After we kissed I said “sorry” a bunch of times and then he asked me if his lips felt like a dead worm.” — Aurora, 21

“Awkward! I was 14 and had no idea what to do with my tongue or his. It was an epic fail!” — Anna, 24

And the one that was just okay, but ended with a plot twist…

“I don’t remember! I think it was pretty standard. Not too mushy or slobbery which was good. Pretty plain. I do remember that my older sister chaperoned our first date then. After we broke up, he dated her and I walked in on them making out. MY FIRST KISS DATING MY OLDER SISTER. Ugh.” — Gwen, 25

So what have I concluded? I don’t think I missed much. I used to wonder if losing out on the whole “first kiss” thing put a damper on my coming of age. But the truth is, I still had my “first kiss by choice” and it was every bit as awkward and scary as anyone else. Only it was adorable, because I expected it to be like any other time I stage-kissed someone but it wasn’t. I knew all the practical aspects of a kiss, but for that first time, I actually felt something for the person. In any case, here’s to hoping your second, third, and millionth kiss are a little better than these awful firsts.

Featured image via We Heart It

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