Excessive Love: When Love Means Suffering
Are you suffering in the name of love?
When the relationship with him endangers our emotional being, our mental integrity, and maybe even our physical integrity, but we continue to strive harder, it means that we love excessively. It means we suffer.
When to love means to suffer.
When to love means to suffer, we love too much. When we cross the border of ourselves and already sell our souls in the valve of what we believe to be love, it means that we are suffering. We suffer from excessive, irrational love.
When almost all of our conversations with friends revolve around him — his problems, his feelings, his thoughts, his actions — and nearly all of our sentences somehow reach, more or less subtly, also to “him,” it means that we love excessively. . It means that we are no longer us. Still, we are him, as if we were absorbed in a vacuum and can no longer detach ourselves from his being.
When we find excuses for his ill-will, irritation, indifference, or prolonged silence, for his ignorance and selfishness, blaming them all on an unhappy childhood, a complicated past, or a sustained effort to overcome his condition and we start acting like therapists instead of girlfriends, it means we love excessively. It means we suffer.
When we don’t like his behavior and character, his values, but we support them, thinking that if we are enough: attractive, good, understanding, tender, jumping, generous, fair, sincere, hardworking, intelligent, chic, sophisticated (to continue?), he will want to change for our sake and will make an exception with us, it means that we love excessively. It means we suffer.
When the relationship with him endangers our emotional being, our mental integrity, and maybe even our physical integrity, but we continue to strive harder, it means that we love excessively. It means we suffer.
Contrary to the pain and dissatisfaction it gives rise to; excessive love is shared in more and more women. The pain has become so common that most women believe that an intimate relationship should go. Look for feverish answers and panacea solutions to wonder what situations from the most insignificant to the actual problem behaviors.
She gets involved in forums, blogs and reads superficial articles in magazines to understand “how to get her to answer the phone,” “how to get her to talk more,” “what to do if she lied to her, “How to bear her suffering better because he cheated on her and lost her confidence, “how to make him move things faster… to take into account her… to care about how she feels… To give him time…”. For many women, these behaviors are perpetuated in the same relationship.
Still, they are transferred from one relationship to another for many more, and they become exhausted, disappointed, and hopeless that they can be loved or that there are other men. What these women fail to see is the common denominator of these situations.
Addiction is a word that frightens, repulses, and repels. We do not like the word, and we refuse to apply this concept to the relationship with men.
But like any other addict, so many women looking for a man to love them seem to find unmarried, unfeeling partners inevitably. Even when we understand that our relationship is not what we wanted, it is still difficult to end it like any other addiction. Cream obsessions.
By loving the wrong people, we create inner emptiness and, from an ordinary love in need of love, to love and be loved, everything turns into excessive and painful love because we never seem to fulfill our initial need with him. And then we love even more. Then the addiction is born. Love addiction is like a hunger, a hunger that never goes out, as long as it, we believe, can only be fed from the outside.
But any woman who has come to love excessively, if she manages to overcome her denial, will notice that the origin of her obsession with a man is not loving but fear.
Women who love obsessively are burdened by fear — the fear of loneliness, the fear of not being worthy of love, the fear of being ignored, abandoned and destroyed. We love a man too much, not out of love, but out of a hidden desire — unconscious — that he will drive away from our fears.
Answers to these patterns cannot be found in magazines, articles, and books.
In reality, you unconsciously attract and choose the same pattern of people who will perpetuate these fears, like those with whom you created them. It’s like repeatedly trying to fix, or close, something that wasn’t finished, or was unfair, or you didn’t understand. Something that made you suffer, and you hid in your unconscious.
Something you may have witnessed and loved those people, something you alone could not complete because you were too small or too vulnerable.
Some men suffer from excessive love and develop an obsession with a woman, but they are rarer. Because of some biological and cultural factors, women are prone to suffering.
Isn’t it ironic that we women, who are so capable of compassion and understanding for the suffering of those around us, remain blindfolded in the face of our misery?
Do not be blinded by grief and confuse it with love, life, or luck. If you suffer emotionally, it means that you have undiscovered fears or beliefs (or that you deny) and that sabotage your access to genuine feelings of love.
Loving and being a victim is not the same thing. Don’t confuse mercy with love. And no, I’m not talking about others; I’m talking about you. When you can separate the two concepts within you, you will project this outside.
