How To Find Out If You Are In A Relationship With A Narcissist

Are you in an abusive relationship?

Photo by Yogendra Singh on Unsplash

Narcissism is a behavioral disorder that manifests in the need of these people for admiration and importance. People who have this trait believe that they are superior and cannot empathize with the feelings of others. Behind this mask of self-confidence lies, in fact, very low self-esteem and vulnerability to criticism.

Narcissists are usually portrayed very negatively on the one hand because people who fall into this trap of a relationship with a narcissist end up suffering very, very much.

But the truth is that narcissists have developed this mechanism to function in their social relationships due to traumas and profound wounds in their childhood. They may have suffered abandonment, parental neglect, or other forms of emotional deprivation.

In adulthood, narcissists attract into their lives people who have suffered as much but who have developed different mechanisms of interaction. These are codependents. Unconsciously thirsty for love and understanding, they will go right where love is untraceable, that is, in the arms of narcissists.

The Narcissist-Codependent relationship is one of the most harmful. It is based on a lot of suffering accumulated over time, which both then perpetuate as the only manifestation of their reality.

The inner desire for healing attracts them, but they end up causing each other even more suffering.

Most psychologists advise co-addicts to give up hope that they can change a narcissist, as they are generally very resistant to self-assessment.

If they entered this process, they would relive painful aspects of their identity, and they prefer to hide under masks, the illusion of self-worth that they build by devaluing others and sometimes addicts.

The solution would be for codependent people to focus on their healing. The first step will be to determine if you are not in this dynamic and end up in relationships with narcissists.

Unfortunately, distinguishing between true self-confidence and narcissism is pretty tricky, especially in the early stages of a relationship. But here are the signs that should give you food for thought…

• This person is upset or angry at the criticism.
• All he cares about is his needs.
• It only pays attention when your presence matches its needs.
• It makes you think he’s the only one, right.
• We are constantly seeking attention and confirmation.
• He exaggerates his achievements.
• He’s not talking about you to his friends.
• He is willing to enter into intense quarrels and matches, even when settling the moment.
• He spends most of his time in addictive activities or entertainment; some narcissists are addicted to alcohol or drugs.
• He has a traumatic family history.
• It makes you feel like you are an accessory in your relationship.

Other questions to ask about your relationship:

• Do you feel unloved, unappreciated, invisible in this relationship?
• Is there reciprocity in this relationship?
• Is it okay to be in this relationship yourself? Or do you feel that you should not overexpose yourself so that he does not feel threatened? Does this person celebrate you and let you shine, as would be expected?
• Do you trust this person’s feelings, or do you always feel “on guard” and afraid that you will lose him?
• Has he ever used your feelings to turn them against you?
• Does this person manage to bring out the best in you? Do you feel good about yourself in this person’s presence? Does it allow you to manifest your true self in good and bad times?
• When problems arise between you and need to be discussed, is this person self-reflective about their behavior?
• Are you allowed to develop healthy boundaries with this person? Do you feel that if you distance yourself from this person, there is a risk of losing her?
• Does this person constantly criticize you for your limitations, or do you value what you bring good in this relationship?
• Narcissists usually prefer long-distance relationships or relationships with married people.
• This narcissistic-codependent dynamic is often encountered and gives rise to very painful connections. If you suspect that you are in such a relationship, it is good to seek the help of a psychologist on the road to changing perspective in your life.