The first lesson I learned this year was to remember my own story. It’s easier to become discontent, ungrateful or just really tired and bored of your own life when you forget that have a story! Think about it — you didn’t just pop into the earth just out nowhere, you have a story.
Happy New Year everyone! While we’re all preparing to start this year off strong, I’d love to share with you the top 5 lessons that I learned in 2022 that I believe will help you improve your life in 2023.
Let’s gooo!
1. Remember your own story
The first lesson I learned this year was to remember my own story. It’s easier to become discontent, ungrateful or just really tired and bored of your own life when you forget that have a story! Think about it — you didn’t just pop into the earth just out nowhere, you have a story. You came from somewhere. You have dreams and goals and aspirations. You have so many things that you work towards, and even if perhaps you’re not at the level that you wish to be, I think it’s essential to remember your journey and to honor your existing story. Because when you remember that your life is a story, you can choose to write new chapters. This mindset has helped me become much more excited about living my life.
Compare your old pictures to your new pictures
One way you can practice this perspective is by going through your old pictures and selecting some of the old pictures that you have on your phone, and then comparing them with your new pictures to notice your growth. If you feel like you’ve regressed, allow the past to remind you of where you’ve been and what you’re worthy of. If you had “it” then, who said you can’t anymore ?
Journal the ways in which you’ve changed
Another thing you can do in the beginning of the new year is write down some of the things you used to do in the past that you don’t do anymore. What are some things you used to enjoy that you don’t enjoy anymore? What are some things that you challenged yourself to do in the past that you’re now doing? Make a record of who you are and of your own story so you can get excited about living your own life again.
Lesson 2: Assess what’s making you compare yourself with other people
Hear me out. I know you’ve probably heard this a billion times. “Don’t compare yourself to others, blah blah blah”. But the truth is it’s particularly hard to apply this advice because we don’t understand why we compare ourselves to other people.
Last year, I realized that I compared myself to others because I somehow thought that it would help me. I actually thought that by comparing myself to other people, I would learn from the experience and be challenged to work harder.
But we must challenge the implication that comparison is even helpful at all. I’m now convinced that only about 5% of the comparing we do truly serves us well. The remaining 95% is not helping us get anywhere. It won’t help you to compare yourself to that girl on Instagram. It won’t help you to compare yourself to famous people.
So comparing yourself won’t pay your bills or make you feel better about yourself, work hard this year at learning the psychology of comparison to find ways to avoid it. That’s why I did and so far I’ve improved so much!
Lesson 3: Guard your heart, guard your mind
This was probably one of the most important lessons that I learned this year. Listen, negative thoughts are not your friends. It’s funny because I used to think that by sitting down and literally overthinking , I was making progress in life.
For some reason, I assumed that self-reflection meant analyzing every thought that came into my mind. If something told me “You can’t start a YouTube channel” or “Your posts are never gonna go viral,” I thought being a critical thinker meant I had to analyze each of these thoughts anytime they popped up. So I would sit down, listen to them and literally drive myself crazy into overthinking.
The problem is I didn’t understand the difference between self-reflection and negative thoughts.
Self reflection is constructive self-analysis with no unfounded assumptions. It’s neutral and non-judgmental in essence. Negative thoughts, however, are thoughts that pose as constructive self-reflection but are quick to imply that something is wrong with you.
Negative thoughts aren’t my friends, and they aren’t yours either. They come to steal, kill, and destroy, and you can’t afford to negotiate with terrorists. You’re not supposed to negotiate — or try to find a common ground — with thoughts that are literally designed to trip you. These thoughts aren’t helping you self-reflect, they are attacking your confidence and making you insecure.
So what do you do when you’re dealing with something that has nothing good to give you? You just throw it out and you remove it from your life...right? Now, when I catch myself at the cusp of overthinking, I stop listening to the thought and rather ask myself where it’s coming from. I ask, “Where is this thought coming from?” If the source is not something good (fear, insecurity etc), if it’s not rooted in anything that God tells me and something I know to be true, I reject it. I created an internal “negative thought” firewall through which I’m learning to filter my thoughts. It’s helped me stabilize my thinking and feel better in my own skin — I highly recommend!
Lesson 4: Enjoy being yourself
Not everything is about loving yourself. You also need to enjoy being yourself. A lot of times when we tell people that they’re valuable, we always do it from the perspective of others. We often say things like, “You’re valuable because your mom loves you” or “because your family loves you” or “because people love you”.
But I want you to realize that you are actually a gift to yourself. There’s a reason God created the way you are, so also learn value yourself for who you are TO you. FOR you.
When you do things you enjoy, pause and enjoy the feeling of being you. Yes, you’re that person who loves eating Chipotle all the time because you can! (Actually wait, that’s me).
Try to identify the things you really like doing and as you’re doing them be mindful of the happiness you get to enjoy in those moments simply because you get to be you!
Lesson 5: Add the WHY factor when you write down your goals
This is crucial, especially when you’re setting goals for the new year. I learned that in order to actually achieve the goals that you set, or at least to have a greater desire to achieve them, you have to highlight and remember your “why”.
Instead of saying, “In 2023, I want to start a YouTube channel” or “In 2023, I want to go back to school”, always add an element of “why”. It’s a slight change, but it makes all the difference. So instead, say, “In 2023, I wanna start a YouTube channel, because I believe that my words are valuable and can help change people’s lives” or “In 2023, I wanna go back to school because I believe this degree can help me find another job and help sustain my family.”
Adding the “why” qualifies your goals and makes them more personal. This in turn will make you become more accountable to yourself because whenever you think of that goal the “why” will scream at you.
A goal without a “why” is just a good idea. Of course it would be great to travel the world. Of course it would be great to go to the gym. Of course, it would be great to write a book. Those are all great ideas, but your “why” is what qualifies those ideas and makes them personal to you.
Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed this article, please like, share and follow the Sabrina’s Essence publication. Also check out a video of me explaining these same lessons on YouTube!
