Today Mindfulness has become a buzz word. It’s popular to talk about slowing down, being present and noticing your thoughts and feelings without judging them.
Mindfulness is a helpful tool to move you into the realm of consideration instead of acting on impulse.
It allows you to break old unhealthy patterns and to make healthier choices.
It makes it possible to feel any uncomfortable emotions until they dissipate and to return to a state of well-being and ease. This gives you space to recalibrate in every moment, especially during a stressful event.
As a psychologist and dating coach, I know how anxiety-provoking dating can sometimes be. You may fear meeting strangers, being rejected, not being a match with someone, having to come up with conversational topics and more.
Often singles battle feelings and thoughts of low self-esteem, poor body image or fear of intimacy and betrayal.
Mindfulness can provide a tool to help you get centered, accept yourself and your date, to notice your feelings without creating a story around them and to return to a state of peace before and even during your date.
There are a number of apps that can help including one called The Mindfulness app. Below, I’ll offer additional suggestions about how to date Mindfully so you’ll feel more clear, peaceful and present on your date.
1. Spend time with and invest in kind people
If your objective is to be happy, peaceful and loving at the moment then you’ll want to find someone with a similar intention and energy. Dates can be impressive, funny and charming but be aware of their capacity to be kind and notice their heart energy. Take a deeper look at who they are in their daily life.
2. Let go of expectations
Mindfulness is about staying present. This means noticing and accepting what is. If you don’t have expectations, you won’t be attached to an outcome which makes it easy to feel content. Try this on your dates and notice how your anxiety diminishes.
3. Be willing to accept situations as they are
Sometimes you may not like the restaurant, your date or the movie. Noticing what you dislike constantly can throw off your date. Practice breathing and accepting the situation as it is so that you can return to a peaceful state.
4. Keep focused in the present.
You may allow your mind to wander into the past and future while on your date. It’s common to remember other times that you were rejected or to worry about whether your date will cheat on you in the future. This distracts you from your current experience and doesn’t allow you to be your best self.
5. Slow down and ground yourself
These days most of us have multiple things to manage and attend to, including work, friends, self-care, family, household things and dating. Take time to center yourself so that you bring your full presence to your date and they can experience who you really are.
6. Practice deep breathing
When you’re in a state of fear, you’re in your, ‘fight or flight’ nervous system. In a state of peace and love, you shift into your relaxed nervous system. Your breathing deepens, your consciousness expands and your wise self emerges. You’re more likely to consider choices based upon your highest good from this state instead of just acting on emotions and snap judgments.
7. Feel your emotions and scan your body
Emotions are common can run high on dates. You may feel nervous, afraid, sad, ashamed or hopeful. Honor your emotions and breathe. Don’t judge them or create a story around them. Usually, once you feel them while breathing deeply they dissipate and you can return to a state of well-being. Knowing this will enable you to feel in control of your emotions rather than the other way around.
8. Be non-judgmental of yourself and others
It’s common to be attracted to a ‘challenge,’ which could be that ‘hard to get’ date who has so much potential (but who just needs to manifest it). If you focus on what is going on right now instead, you will be clear about who your date is and whether you’re a good match, now. If the answer is no, you can move on without judgment. You can send blessings their way for them to meet their best current match.
9. Date with intention. Say a mantra as your focus
Go into your date with a positive, realistic point of focus that’s under your control. An example is, ‘I intend to have fun and to find something that I like about this experience.’
10. Trust your inner wisdom
When you get still, quiet and do some deep breathing, you shift into a deep state of consciousness where you can connect with your Higher Self. In this state, you can ask whether this person is a good match for you and if there’s anything else you need to know.
11. Ask for the Lesson
Ask what there is to learn from every date. Life is about growing and becoming more conscious. Ask for a lesson that you can learn from each date, situation, person, and relationship so no time spent is wasted.
12. Ask whether the situation or person serves you
Often on dates, you become focused on pleasing the other person. When you’re in an empowered place you can feel whether dating that other person will serve you and whether they’re aligned with your core values, interests and life goals.
13. Practice gratitude
Gratitude is a very high vibration. It brings you into the present and it’s wonderful to be around. When you’re in a state of gratitude and appreciation your dates feel it and find it very attractive.
14. Notice thoughts but don’t create a story
Notice your thoughts and be curious about them but don’t get attached to them as the truth. For example, if you think, ‘No man wants to marry a woman over 38,’ you can get curious about this belief and ask yourself, ‘Is that really true? Are there exceptions to this?’ Then let go of any beliefs that aren’t serving you.
15. Make choices aligned with your values
If you’re looking for a match with whom to co-create your life it pays to choose a partner aligned with your core values. This involves looking within and getting clear about what’s most important to you.
To learn more about how to apply Mindfulness to online dating for many different dating issues and stages, pick up my upcoming book, ‘Facebook Dating: From 1st Date to Soulmate.’ You can learn more about it here: https://drpaulettesherman.com/facebook-dating-book/