3 Emotional Wounds That Are Worthy of Your Attention Right Now

Stop overthinking and second-guessing; instead, heal and get empowered.

Most of us overthink almost everything we do and say each day because we are terrified of judgment, criticism, and “not fitting in.” I totally get this and understand the feelings and fears behind it. The thought of being abandoned or outcasted from your family and friend tribe can feel debilitating.

But, doesn’t it also feel debilitating and like an early death sentence pretending to be someone you’re not for other’s approval, acceptance, and attention?

For me, it sure felt that way. And that’s what led me to hit my rock bottom six and half years ago at the ripe old age of 30. Can you believe that? Rock bottom at 30? WTF.

Here is what’s even crazier, people younger than 30 are hitting rock bottom; over-medicating themselves, getting into massive credit card debt to keep up with the cool crowd and society.

Staying in unhealthy relationships because being single after twenty-five means you’re a failure and unworthy, selling their soul to a job or career they hate because that’s what acceptable and looks good on the outside, and the list goes on.

The only cure to combatting overthinking and obsession is to stop giving a fu*k about what other people think of you. Because the truth is, you’re not that important at the end of the day. What I mean by that is everyone else is super busy and occupied thinking about themselves and their own problems in life, not yours. Let this be freeing and like oxygen to your soul because it is a fact. It is 100% truth.

How do I know?

Well, ask yourself this question, “How often am I thinking about what I have to do today, work toward, and “fix” in my life?” What’s your answer? I suspect it’s something along the lines of “all day every day.”

True or true?

In this article, I go over a few reasons why you overthink and obsess more than is normal and necessary. And I give you solutions as to how you can begin to break this habit, or better yet, how you can replace this negative pattern with a better one so you can start experiencing a more relaxed, carefree, healthy state of mind — and life.

If you take away and apply just one of the solutions I give you today, I am confident you’ll start feeling empowered and safer in your skin to show up as your true self in life in the days ahead.

Childhood/Parent Wound

When I first began learning about psychology in the area of childhood upbringing and the mother and father wound, I was floored! For years, I struggled with never feeling good enough, unlovable, and like I was a handful for most people.

None of these things were true. They were just beliefs I formed growing up because both of my parents weren’t capable of being emotionally available for me. It’s not that they didn’t love me, it was more about their behavior and addiction to drugs and alcohol.

What happens when we don’t receive mom and dad’s love consistently and unconditionally in a healthy way is it messes with our psyche, which then affects our emotions and feelings about ourselves, other people, and the way we see the world.

If you are someone who grew up in an environment that was emotionally unavailable and unstable. You will most likely cultivate the belief and habit in adulthood of always trying to prove yourself, worth, value, and won’t rest until you feel loved, approved of, and accepted by those around you.

This is one of the reasons why you may find yourself overthinking and obsessing about almost everything you do and say. You were never validated and affirmed by those who were supposed to be your loving parents, and because of this, you second-guess most simple decisions and choices in life incessantly.

The solution: learn how to reparent yourself.

You must learn how to reparent yourself. Sounds kind of weird, huh? Well, it’s actually a beautiful process, one I’ve enjoyed doing for myself over the past several years and continue to do to this day. (I swear if they just teach this stuff in junior high, the world would be a much happier place.)

You can start reparenting yourself by learning how to fully accept who you are and where you are right now today. This is a process and one that takes a little bit of time and commitment. This isn’t about settling for where you are, it’s about accepting and loving yourself no matter what.

It can be challenging to accept yourself because if you’re like me, you spent so much of your young adult years trying to change and contort yourself into someone you weren’t so you could get the love and attention of others and at such high stakes.

You might be experiencing a lot of shame, guilt, and regret for some of your choices and actions over the years. But, it’s so important for you to know that you were doing the best you could with what you knew and had at the time or even right now.

If you can start to see yourself from the perspective of you’re doing the best you can right now, you’ll be able to have more compassion and patience with yourself. And that’s where learning how to reparent yourself begins — having compassion and patience, not judgment.

Working with a therapist or a great life-coach can help you along this journey as well. Most of them have proven tools and resources to help assist and support you. Getting outside help is worth looking into, I swear by it.

“We repeat in life what we don’t heal and repair.”

Friendship/Romantic Relationship Wound

Somewhere along the way, you were teased, outcasted, or dumped by your best friend or, even worst, the person you fell head over heels for and thought would be part of your life forever. (Memories are popping up in my mind now as I write this paragraph, and man, oh man, can I remember clearly the gut-wrenching feeling of being kicked to the curb.)

When an event like this happens, it can very well have you create a narrative in your mind that goes something like, “I should never have brought that thing up. I should have stayed quiet and kept it to myself. What’s wrong with me?! Why can’t I ever hold onto my relationships? I’m such a fu*k up! I’ll never be good enough.”

Does any of this sound familiar?

I suspect yes, it does. I used to do and say the same things to myself. Pretty cruel and mean, huh? Yeah, it is. But, when you don’t know about self-compassion and self-love, it’s easy to go down this toxic self-talk slope.

The solution: learn how to date yourself for a bit.

The reality is, hurt people, hurt people. Whenever we experience a troubled or failed relationship, it’s important to really look at the foundation that the relationship was built on.

Was the relationship co-dependent, or was it healthy and mutually beneficial?

Were the two of you already in a really good place in your lives before coming together? Or were one or both of you at a place in life where you were just coming out of a recent relationship feeling broken, insecure, and lonely?

This is what I mean by looking at the foundation on which your relationship was built. If your relationship was or is an “issue-based relationship,” that’s not a good sign or place to start.

You want to learn how to be single and on your own for a bit before hopping into another romantic relationship. Allow yourself time to heal, time to date yourself, and educate yourself on exactly how to do just that.

Become an advocate for yourself by reading up and educating yourself on self-care, self-love, and how to heal from a broken heart in friendship and romance. There are tons of books out there about this topic. One of my favorites is “Choose Me Before We” by Christine Arylo. This is one of the books’ I gift to all of my clients when we start working together, and they absolutely love it! I highly recommend you invest in buying yourself one.

“A healthy relationship is where two independent people just make a deal that they will help make the other person the best version of themselves.” Unknown Author

Teacher/Professor/ Boss Wound

I think it’s safe to say that all of us have been through a shaming or embarrassing experience with a specific authority figure in our life. And that experience has probably left you doubting yourself in some way or fearing taking a worthwhile risk to further your professional growth.

One of the things that pisses me off the most is when an authority figure such as an educator or boss projects their fear and discontentment onto their students and employees. This is dangerous, especially when it happens to the young and upcoming souls of the world.

Please keep in mind, always, that people who express extreme arrogance, rudeness, and other forms of put-downs toward you, are merely projecting how they feel about themselves. 99.9% of the time, their bullying behavior has nothing to do with you and has everything to do about them and where they are at in life.

But upsettingly, their actions can play a significant role in how you perceive yourself, worth, and value as a contributor to society. However, you can reverse their damage if you get intentional about it.

The solution: create new concepts and beliefs about yourself and what you have to offer the world.

One of the most valuable life-changing processes I learned from my life-coach six years ago was how to rewire my brain — create new neuropathways.

Committing to this practice and process on a daily basis has got me to where I am in my life today; engaged to an amazing man, in the healthiest physical shape of my life, working my dream career, and having the most fulfilling friendships and relationships of all time.

Anyone can create new concepts and beliefs about themselves. You have to be willing to work on this a little bit every single day, no excuses.

You can start this process by yourself, with a good therapist or great life-coach.

A few things you’ll need are a couple of personal development books, a journal and pen, and a downloaded meditation app to your phone. I highly recommend Dr. Joe Dispenza’s book, “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself,” and meditation app, “Mindfulness- Mental Health & Productivity,” which you can find in the iPhone app store.

Your first step would be to start reading Dr. Joe Dispenza’s book and doing the practices and meditations in it. The second step would be to start journaling eight to ten things you’re grateful for every morning before starting your day. The last step, if you also can, in the morning or worst-case scenario, in the evening right before bed, start meditating using the meditation app I recommended. These meditations are just six to ten minutes long, nowhere near as long as the meditations in Dr. Joe’s book. Love yourself enough to do them and daily.

This is the beginning process of learning how to rewire your brain by creating new neuropathways. You’ll still need outside support and accountability from a therapist or life coach, but this is a beautiful way to start. I hope you do.

“A memory without the emotional charge is called wisdom.” ~ Dr. Joe Dispenza

Too many people are giving their power away to their past and other people outside of them. You don’t have to keep doing that. If you love yourself enough to take the time to acknowledge your emotional wounding and apply the steps to healing them, you can, without a doubt, create the life and future of your dreams — guaranteed! I’ve done this for myself and have helped countless other women to do the same. If we can, so can you, period.