4 Ways to Become an Amazing Mentor
Yes, you have the potential to be a positive force in others’ lives too.
Mr. Miyagi: First wash all car. Then wax. Wax on…
Daniel: Hey, why do I have to…?
Mr. Miyagi: Ah ah! Remember deal! No questions!
Daniel: Yeah, but…
Mr. Miyagi: Hai! Wax on right hand, wax off left hand…
You certainly remember this dialog from the movie The Karate Kid (1984). A lonely older man called Mr. Miyagi takes a bullied teenager, Daniel, under his wing to teach him karate for self-defense. He becomes a dedicated coach and a father figure in Daniel’s life. The movie portrays an excellent mentor whose actions have deeply touched viewers from different generations.
A mentor.
You encounter mentors in almost every area of your life, probably first in the family, in school, and among friends. However, mentors are not only individuals you meet in person. Mentoring also happens somewhere else.
World-renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel describes different forms of mentorship. It can also be an inspirational book you read or an online course you participate in. Other than that, the duration of mentorship varies: either it’s a moment of much-needed help or continuous support.
This article will focus on personal and close mentorship.
An accredited training alone would never make you a good mentor in life. First and foremost, mentorship is a commitment that must come from the heart. It requires a sincere interest in the growth of another person.
So, what are the qualities that top-notch mentors have in common? And how can you make a positive impact on others’ lives, too?
1. Sharing wisdom
Mentors are mostly a couple of years ahead of you and figured many things out in life. They have gained significant experience and have a variety of interests. Both have made them wise people. And mentors are willing to give you access to an area you haven’t seen yet and are magically drawn to.
When I was little, my siblings were my greatest mentors. I’m the youngest of five children, and the age gap between my siblings and me is huge. As you can probably imagine, my world as a five-year-old was less about playing with dolls and Disney movies and more about my then-teenage siblings’ interests. The music, movies, series, and books they consumed, I mostly consumed too. I was also around when they had discussions with my parents. I happened to listen to every detail.
All of this was incredibly fascinating for me. Sure, it wasn’t age-appropriate, but it taught me many things about life. Looking up to my mature siblings made me mature fast — faster than my friends of the same age.
Today, I try to be a good example to my siblings’ children, just as my siblings once were to me. My nephews and nieces should benefit from my experience and insights.
You can also mentor others with your experiences and lessons learned. Share your stories with them and talk about your passions. Sometimes it’s just the little things that can inspire others, like recommending a relatable podcast about fighting addiction.
2) Putting the spotlight on others
Exceptional mentors leave you with a magical feeling because they can see you. They detect sides and talents in you that you have never really been aware of. It’s like you’ve been wholly scanned from top to bottom.
They might say to you, “I always enjoy listening to you. You can explain complicated issues in a simple way that everyone understands.” You’re flattered by this statement, and your confidence gets a huge boost. And you probably feel even more encouraged to pursue a career as a lecturer.
You’ve certainly met people having admirable qualities many times in your life. And I guess you haven’t always said a word about those qualities. You left them in the dark. Sad, isn’t it?
Therefore, you should tell others about their unique talents as often as possible. If you make the other person’s eyes light up, you can be sure you have made a big difference.
3) Taking others under your wing
How wonderful it feels when someone trustworthy grips your hand at a concert and leads you through the overwhelming crowd. You feel safe and secure and no longer alone. It feels the same when a mentor steps in for you in a moment of despair and takes you in a new direction. Suddenly you find a possible way out.
Especially in the working environment, a mentor stepping in for you is of great help. When you take a new job, the beginning is not always easy, as you know.
87% of mentors and mentees feel empowered by their relationships and develop greater confidence. So, not only mentees benefit from the relationship, but also mentors. It’s not only a one-way street.
Taking care of a new young colleague at work would help you get on with your own career. On the one hand, you make things easier for the mentee; on the other, you improve your social skills and deepen your knowledge. And it’s safe to say that you can also learn from the mentee, who is a breath of fresh air.
4) Giving and expecting nothing in return
Excellent mentors help for the sake of helping. They’ve seen the good in you and, thus, like you. They believe you deserve to be supported. Period.
No strings attached. Therefore, they don’t secretly maintain some “list” of their good deeds and then one day hold it up in front of your face because you haven’t done anything in return.
Nor will well-meaning mentors exploit you or compete with you. They are genuinely happy to see you flourish. The only thing they might expect from you is your appreciation.
I had a friend in the past who I saw as a mentor. Whenever I was going through a difficult phase in my life, I would tell her about it. My well-being seemed to be so important to her that we would often have hour-long conversations on the phone. She built me up and gave me advice. I accepted it gratefully.
One day we disagreed on vacation activities. She felt offended because I was not too fond of all her ideas, and then she blurted it out. She suddenly mentioned all the long phone conversations we used to have when I wasn’t feeling well. And some other good deeds of hers. She accused me of not being appreciative. It appeared to me that she had been secretly maintaining a detailed list of her “heroic deeds.”
Therefore, if you want to be a good mentor to someone, do it because it comes deeply from your heart without expecting anything significant in return. Effective mentorship is not based on cold calculation. It’s characterized by trust, responsiveness, and psychosocial support. Be a mentor because you want to give something back to the world.
Final Thoughts
Whenever life provides you with good mentors, you should learn from them and appreciate them. However, it doesn’t stop there. As you move on in life, you should also give something back to the community, to people in need. What matters most is that your help is not attached to any conditions.
You probably can’t be a perfect mentor, as Mr. Miyagi was for Daniel. But with a genuine interest in someone's personality, a little effort, and good deeds here and there, you can positively impact that person’s life.
And maybe one day you’ll be happy to see that the same person has put your name in the acknowledgment of his/her book.
