5 Things No One Tells you About Losing Weight
I lost 70 pounds and got healthy after decades of obesity. It didn’t make me a happier person.
The weight loss industry in America is a 72 billion dollar per year machine. There are hundreds of companies and gurus touting the benefits of losing weight and claiming to have the secret elixir that will melt away the pounds effortlessly. They show pictures of miserable, overweight people, stuck in the mire of their poor life choices and eating habits.
Then, they follow up with photos of those same people after losing weight. The after photos always show these people in a state of ecstasy — pure bliss — as if every care they’ve ever had was somehow tied to the weight, and losing it has unburdened them from every bad thing in their life.
They are selling the narrative that you are unhappy because you are fat. Bad things happen in your life because you are fat. You will never find love because you are fat. You feel worthless because you are fat. The only way to be a happy and fulfilled human being is to no longer be fat.
Don’t get me wrong, losing weight does change you. It changes the way people perceive you, and in some ways, it changes the way you perceive yourself. But it isn’t the silver bullet to healing your self-worth.
I bought into the narrative, hook, line, and sinker. I believed with all my heart that as I shed the pounds of excess blubber hanging around my middle, I would also be shedding the baggage of negative body-image and paralyzing self-doubt.
It only made sense that, as I began to feel better physically, I would also feel better mentally. I would be better at sex. I would no longer hate the way I looked. I would be more motivated, more productive, more successful, and more fulfilled if I weren’t whale-sized. It was a lie from the pits of hell. Here are 5 things I learned from losing weight that no one talks about.
Your Habits (Mostly) Stay the Same
I thought that losing weight and becoming this person would make me naturally inclined to get up and eat healthily and seize the day without even thinking about it. That didn’t happen, and it won’t for you either.
Sure, you might be a runner or a gym rat now, and you might have more energy and fewer migraines, but at your core, you are still the same person you were before you lost weight. You still like the same movies, or music, or books.
You still have the same sick and twisted sense of humor you had before. You also still have the same habits you had before. You still crave 7 beers and a box of Oreos after a hard day at work. You still gravitate toward the couch when you know you should be in the gym lifting. You still struggle to get out of bed to go for a run.
No matter how many times I make the right choice, the next time that choice comes around, I still have to muster the willpower to make the right choice again. It isn’t effortless, and it isn’t easy. It is a daily struggle not to raid the candy bowl at work or run to Krispy Kreme for a mid-day pick me up. Those decisions are easier now than they were in the beginning, but they are by no means effortless. I’m still fighting deeply-ingrained habits.
Your Baggage Doesn’t Go Away, It Becomes More Evident
I thought that losing weight would make all of the other things I hated about myself disappear, or at least be more manageable. I thought that my lack of attention span, horrendous memory, selfish nature, and unpredictable temper would magically be reset once my waistline was back down to normal size. In hindsight, that was a ridiculous expectation. I suppose it was easier to blame my shortcomings on being fat than it was to face them head-on.
So then I lost weight. And all of those shortcomings were that much more evident.
I was still a selfish, hotheaded, ADD-ridden mess. The only difference was, now I didn’t have the weight to blame for it. I had to come to terms with the realization that my shortcomings are part of me, no matter what size pants I wear.
You Might Lose Your Hair
This one hurt me a lot. About 6 months into my weight loss journey, I realized I was shedding more than just extra blubber.
I was losing my hair.
I had developed a patch in the front of my head where hair was no longer growing. In its place was a bare piece of scalp, bright and shining against the backdrop of the dark brown locks that surrounded it. Small at first, it grew until it became a prominent member of my facial features. The thick and unruly mane of hair that I had always assumed would be with me until old age was suddenly much less voluminous.
As it turns out, this is a fairly common problem. So common, in fact, that the American Osteopathic College of Dermatology has a name for it: Telogen Effluvium. The body registers rapid weight loss as a type of stress, and the follicles responsible for hair growth go into a resting phase to reserve energy and nutrients.
The good news is, they say the hair loss isn’t permanent, and when your weight stabilizes, the hair follicles will resume normal function. My weight has been stable for more than a year now, though, and I’ve not seen any regrowth, but I’m still holding out hope.
You Still Won’t Like Your Reflection
People who are overweight don’t want unsolicited advice. Guess what. We know we’re fat. We live in homes with mirrors.- Al Roker
After losing about 30 pounds, I was really happy about the progress I was making, but I was also a little disheartened; I couldn’t see it. I didn’t see any difference when I looked in the mirror, and I was still (mostly) wearing the same clothes. I thought there was something wrong with me like I was somehow losing numbers on the scale but still holding on to all of the fat.
There was one time that my sister-in-law was over at my house, and she commented on how great I looked. I outright accused her of lying to make me feel better because I honestly believed that there had been no change, and she was just trying to be encouraging.
It wasn’t until my wife made me stand in the living room and take a picture to compare to an old photo that I realized what a difference there had been. I couldn’t see it because I see my reflection every day, but folks who didn’t see me very often could see the difference right away.
To this day, I still don’t like my reflection. I don’t like my sagging skin and stretch marks. I don’t like how far away from my fitness goals I am. I don’t like the way clothes look on me. I still look in the mirror and see a fat guy.
It Won’t Matter to Other People as Much as You Think it Will
Sure, there are those who love you and who were concerned about your health and wellbeing, who are excited to see you taking care of yourself. For most people, though, it just doesn’t matter that much. They didn’t care that you were fat, and they don’t really care that you’re not anymore.
You’ll get some compliments from observant people who take notice when you start looking thinner, but those compliments fade pretty quickly. Most of your coworkers won’t notice you’ve lost weight. In your mind, you’ve worked so hard and accomplished this monumental goal, and you low-key want people to sing your praises and validate your success. That’s just not how this plays out.
People have their own stuff they’re dealing with. Most of them are probably worried about their own weight and health journeys. Even the ones who do notice that you’ve lost weight will lose interest quickly. It just doesn’t matter to them.
Happiness Has Nothing to do With Weight
At the end of the day, happiness is a choice. Happiness is about gratitude for the good in your life and a conscious decision to make the best of every day. No matter your size, or the number on the scale, your happiness is determined by what you choose to do on a daily basis. Exercise has been shown to be a key element in being happy (hooray for endorphins!), but it is not a cure-all.
You choose who you are. You choose who you want to be. You are not defined by your weight. Just remember, you won’t be defined by your weight loss either.
