6 Hard-Hitting Life Lessons That Everyone Should Hear
#4: Self-deprecation is an underrated quality
Coming from a generation that is shrouded by social media and enslaved by self-gratification, I am definitely not the most qualified or experienced person to be doling out life advice. But let’s be honest, in this age of unsolicited feedback, when has advice even been directly correlated to experience?
1. People are judgmental and no, you can’t always turn a blind eye to that
People talk behind your back. They gossip about you. They peel away layers of your character and subject each one to litmus tests. They psychoanalyze you and rate your personality, behavior, dressing sense, you name it. You might say — “Well no, everyone’s too busy to be thinking about anyone but themselves.”
Narcissist spotted but no.
An average person’s life is way too monotonous to not notice other people and take an active interest in their lives. It is tempting, fun, and entertaining. In fact, this very basic tendency of people to peer into others’ lives is the foundation on which the present-day social media empire is built.
So, coming onto the original question. Of course, you cannot keep a track of what each person says/thinks about you but that doesn’t mean you outright choose to ignore everything said that you didn’t want to hear. Sometimes, responding to such judgment is for your betterment.
In school, I was judged for not liking pizza. Had I chosen to ignore it, I would have been spending many nights going to sleep on an empty stomach when I moved to France for my Master’s as the only vegetarian item on the menu here is pizza. Pardon me for this frivolous example but I guess you get the drift. Not all judgment is bad. Sometimes, it warrants a deep thought.
Lesson: I’ll still say that 90% of judgment can be safely ignored but that 10%? It could prepare you for the various curve-balls that life will hurl at you later on.
2. Opinions should be formed only after the trial period is over
We have all heard of the sayings — ‘Never judge a book by its cover’ and ‘All that glitters is not gold.’ We have so many inherent human biases seeped into us that we don’t think twice in forming blanket opinions. It might be on something trivial like a book or a movie or something life-altering like a particular career path or a friend/family member.
Misguided and premature opinions that are exercised and practiced with a dangerous conviction are like loose cannons. They can inflict significant collateral damage by unintentionally shutting doors to happiness, success, prestige, fame, etc.
I’ll say keep an open mind and ensure that your opinions are malleable. If possible, DO NOT form an opinion unless you have experienced it first-hand. Having had a creative bent of mind since childhood, I perceived computer science to be a completely dry and technical subject where there was no scope for creativity.
Without ever trying my hand at coding, I dismissed it as too linear and impassive to even think of pursuing a career in it. I formed an opinion on this particular career path, essentially labeling it as blah. Switch back to the present and I realize how my immaturity has rendered me in a position of disadvantage. Far from a dreary subject, coding is analytical, fast-paced, addictive, and creative. More than that, it’s a highly valuable skill-set.
Lesson: Before declaring, “That’s not my cup of tea”, be brave enough to take a sip or two first.
3. Learning to respond rather than react is the greatest sign of maturity
Okay, answer this truthfully. How often have you found yourself reacting harshly to a situation when a mild response could have done the trick? A reaction is mostly jam-packed with emotions and high-octane drama. It’s impulsive, irrational, and excessive.
Reactions almost always spiral situations out of control. A response, on the other hand, is moderated, rational, and adequate. It’s well thought of. The tone is placatory, wise, and mature. Responses douse the flames and bring the situation under control.
Then why do people react?
Simply because their egoistic and overthinking selves process the situation to be worse than it actually is. A mature person, on the other hand, would adopt a calibrated approach and respond calmly and patiently to the situation.
Lesson: For your peace of mind and to preserve your energy, learn to frame mature responses and ditch those exothermic bursts called reactions.
4. Self-deprecation is an underrated quality
Not everyone can laugh at themselves. Belittling and disparaging yourself and expressing your shortcomings while being humorous doesn’t sound very appetizing. When the world is already so harsh on you and there is no dearth of naysayers and nitpickers, why on earth would you want to subject yourself to self-ridicule?
Well, for one, it catches people off-guard, and secondly, it makes people laugh with no strings attached. When you tell a joke that centers around yourself, no one will ever find it offensive, distasteful, or sapless. You can be sure of eliciting at least a smile and that’s enough to oxidize anxieties and alleviate tense moments.
It also means that you are self-aware and extremely confident around yourself. You have no insecurities and you harbor no shame in poking fun at yourself. Personally, I am intrigued by people who practice self-deprecation and I see it is as an indication of a high EQ as well. I find these people more approachable, trustworthy, and honest.
Lesson: Practice self-deprecation as it makes you more human.
5. Perfection is an illusion
Words like perfection, flawless, impeccable…have a nice ring to it but when used almost nonchalantly they create a facade — a semblance of having accomplished something huge. You see, it is statistically and humanely impossible to achieve 100% perfection.
There are always some defects, hidden flaws, and a few miss-outs. Basically, there is always room for improvement. To think of it, if it was so convenient to achieve perfection, stagnancy will descend upon us, and there will be nothing to look forward to.
Ever.
There is a reason companies routinely brainstorm on continuous improvement strategies, and that even the smartest and most qualified person in the room actively seeks out constructive feedback. Not being perfect is what keeps us going — striving to be better versions of ourselves and aspiring to learn new skills.
Running towards perfection is an illusion because you will never reach it. You might be 99.999% perfect but there is always, always something that you could have done better and if you obsess over perfection, you will never be content and happy.
Lesson: In the words of Colum McCann — “People are good or half good or a quarter good, and it changes all the time, but even on the best day nobody’s perfect.” So stop chasing it.
6. Have zero expectations from life and you’ll be the happiest ever
And finally, the last and the most important one. Expectations diffuse friendships, breed resentment, engender misunderstandings and suck us into a constricted space overrun with external validation and our growing insecurities.
Expectations damage our self-worth and self-esteem, and the crazy thing is that expectations never go down. They keep going up and up like Harry Potter’s blown up aunt and eventually, fewer people can meet our sky-high expectations. The result? Feelings of dejection, frustration, and betrayal.
But having zero expectations is no easy feat. Especially when all relationships are a give and take and unconditional love and care is rare. The problem arises when there is a mismatch in the degree of expectations two people have from each other. And the person who expected more always suffers. So how to have zero expectations?
Practice self-love and self-sufficiency. Be so fiercely independent and self-absorbed that anything others do for you turns out to be a pleasant surprise. And when you have zero expectations from people, it reflects in your personality and actions and makes you come across as more genuine, empathetic, and nice.
You make others around you happy, and they return the gesture, and the result is an open space of joviality in contrast to the constricted space you were in earlier.
Lesson: Don’t expect too much from people so that when you actually receive sweet gestures, you will value them more.
