“woman wearing white crew-neck t-shirt on bed holding silver MacBook” by Charles Deluvio 🇵🇭🇨🇦 on Unsplash

A Relationship Not Proactive, IS bound to Die.

Welcome to the era of Speed-Dating.

Today, in this article, I am going to put everything as it comes to my mind, which means, I will write and post it. What I mean by this is, sometimes we sugarcoat what we say so that the other person may not get hurt. Not today. Not in this article.

A relationship is a tricky thing to be in. I am 100% sure that no man has ever lived, intelligent or not, who understood what a relationship is. It is a very complicated matted problem impossible to solve. It is the same as happiness, we can only pursue it, we cannot comprehend or achieve it.

Yes, we do say that we are in a relationship. I am too. But, do you understand it? Or are you just gathering experiences, which BTW you read in an article like this one that said, ‘experiences matter, materials don’t’, I know I know. I have been there.

My point is, do you even know why are you in a relationship? Is it just for being in the sake of relationship because everyone around you is in a relationship? Is it for sex? Is it for having someone to complain your day off? Is it because you don’t even know why you should not be single?

Here is my point. We cannot understand relationships. It is too far fetched. What we can do is understand why the hell are we in a relationship or want to get in one. If you are already in one, you need to figure out whether it is a one you should be in or not. And, we will be discussing one of the important factors that will tell you whether your relationship is a relationship or you will be miserable together forever.

Do you guys talk about your future?

We love to live in the moment. Most of us are doing that. We are not concerned about our future. Life is easy and going on for now. Let’s see how long we are able to drag it. We think same for our relationships. You know why?

Because it is the modern world. The 21st century. We have speed-dating today. Tinder, Happn, Facebook, Instagram, and now even on LinkedIn.

What took months of time and efforts in the past is possible with the click of an application, in our pockets.

What came with difficulties is easy to come by now and as they say ‘what comes easy will not stay long and what stays long will never come easy’.

What we have today is easy.

Of course, it will not stay more than a few months. And then we complain and wonder why are we not having a stable relationship. To get out of this, we go to the same websites to find a “stable” relationship. And then the loop…loop…loop…continues…

I am not kidding here, I was looking for an event to go on a weekend and while I was browsing through the list of the events I came across one event, literally named “Speed Dating”.

They give you 1-hour to get to know the other person and done. In 1-freaking-hour you get to decide whether the person sitting next to you will f*ck you or not.

If not, you can move on to another day, another event.

Relationship is like a smartphone these days. We change them whenever there is a better offer around the corner. We are not loyal. We cheat and then expect them to forgive us just because we did it once.

Seriously?

I want to murder someone and I want the law to forgive me just because I did it once. Yes, I understand I am comparing murder with cheating. But, you tell me, which one is more painful? Can you even feel pain when you are dead? I am not sure.

Even when we are in a relationship, we do not talk about the things that matter.

We skip the uncomfortable conversations until the 11th hour and you know what, at 11th hour you don’t even want to try. You are already exhausted and bored with this one. It is time to move on and what do we say, “It’s not you. It’s me.” Done. NEXT!

Do we discuss how much time should we spend together?

Do we discuss why are we not working for our dreams?

Do we discuss that we do not need unnecessary junk in our life?

…and here goes the deadliest of all:

Do we discuss money?

No. We. Do. Not. Period.

Let me tell you this. Listen very carefully. If you are not discussing your future right now, there is not and there will not be a future for you guys.

Relationship is like other areas of our lives. Not being proactive, you will lose opportunities to make the most out of it. I would like to call today’s relationships as: Reactive Relationships.

Reactive Relationships

Where everything is on the edge of the cliff. You can save it, if you pull hard enough but sometimes the pull is not strong enough to stop it from falling in to the gorge.

Here is how a reactive relationship works:

Eat, sleep, walk, sex, fight, fun, alcohol, road-trip, vacation, candle-light, parties, gym, and such things together.

You may ask me, ‘that’s it. that is what a relationship is. what else do you want us to do?

I don’t want you to do anything. In fact, I couldn’t care less. If you are really serious about that guy or girl in your life, get serious about where you two are going. Be in the future before you are already there. Plan ahead. Have those uncomfortable conversations right now. It will save you a lot of time and energy and not to mention, a break-up, in the future.

I believe if it is worth it, you will fight for it. If it is not, it is already dead.

Thank you for reading. I really appreciate it.

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Syed

Syed

Security Engineer | Web3 Researcher | Socially Awkward.