Can You Buy Happiness? How Much Does it Cost?
A conversation with myself about being happy and becoming a better person.
I wake up a few hours before the alarm goes off. Again.
I adjust the pillow and try to go back to sleep. It’s a futile effort.
Since I’m up at 4 AM, I have a lot of extra time to search and read the internet. I wonder, can I perform a search for happiness in the wee hours of the morning? Is there an answer on google somewhere?
How can I obtain happiness and live a better life?
The initial search is overwhelming. I come across pages and pages of list articles with tips for “Living in the Moment.”
I read about 6 Ways to Live in the Moment, and 10 Tips to Start Living in the Present. WikiHow has 11 Steps, “with pictures.” There are many more quotes and books and memes.
Although I woke up very early, I don’t think I will have time to get through 35 Exercises and Tools to Living in the Moment, especially since they are asking for my email address.
Focusing On The Now
Every list I read tells me that I should focus on the now. It’s a major first step. I can appreciate this perspective. It makes perfect sense. I should pay attention to the little things that make up my life.
I should be present with whatever, or whoever is in front of me at the moment. Yesterday is over and tomorrow hasn’t happened yet, so I should focus on right now.
I get it, but it’s easier said than done.
And my problem is that “right now,” all I can focus on is the fact that I didn’t get enough sleep…again.
Make A List/Set Goals
Apparently, before I went to bed, there was homework to complete. I was supposed to prepare a list. I needed to set goals for the next day.
Well, I guess I’m off to a bad start.
After writing my goals down, I should review them first thing in the morning. It’s supposed to help set the stage for my day.
OK, let’s see, what do I have to get done today? It’s a long list. Unwritten submissions are due, various projects for clients who don’t pay me nearly enough. Build a social media calendar and develop email content…but I’m also supposed to exercise, meditate, perform random acts of kindness, eat healthy, etc.
And what about my family? Should I schedule the time to feed and entertain my son?
He’s in the 2nd grade, so I should probably include his homework on my list. It’s going to take at least an hour, and that’s just to convince him that we have to get it done. Then we’ll need to sharpen pencils.
I add drink water to my list.
Wait a minute, “drink water” is on your list of things to do for the day?
Well yeah, I thought it would be an easy thing to accomplish. It also sounded healthy, so maybe I could cross two things off my list at the same time. Drink eight, crystal-clear glasses of water today. Should be no problem. Let’s see, how many did I drink yesterday? Only three? Oh.
Then I wonder. When I jot down this list, should I also include all of the things that I didn’t complete yesterday…or the day before?
Do I need to write down “drink 13 glasses of water” for tomorrow?
List making can be overwhelming. I better get a longer sheet of paper or another pad.
Be Positive
Everyone says that I should Be Positive. As you may be able to tell, that isn’t one of my strengths. I’ll have to work on it.
My first “positive thought” for the day…it’s a good thing I woke up early — my list of goals is going to take some time to get through.
Don’t Worry
They also say that I should avoid negative thoughts. As the song goes, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” I understand, and I completely agree with this perspective, but here’s the thing.
Worry is my middle name. I was thinking of having my birth certificate changed to include “Worried” so it’s officially on record. Bret Worried Itskowitch, it has a nice ring to it.
Also, I’m actually very good at remembering all of my mistakes. It’s one of my strengths.
And…I excel at highlighting every single one of the things that could go wrong. They usually do go wrong, so maybe that means I’m ahead of the game?
I’m not sure. I worry a lot.
Be Kind
I don’t need a list on the internet to tell me to hold the door open for others or show kindness to complete strangers.
But here’s my question.
When I’m holding the elevator door open for a little old lady, and some guy comes bursting in while he’s on his cellphone, and then he proceeds to continue his conversation, rather loudly, all the way up to the 18th floor…well, if I don’t push him off the elevator when we get to the 5th floor…is that the same as doing a good deed?
What if I did push him off? Wouldn’t that little shove be an act of kindness to the other people on the elevator?
Be Grateful/Be Thankful
Be grateful? Am I supposed to thank someone for my bouts with depression and sadness? Can I knock two things off my list since I’m “grateful” that I woke up at 4 AM…again?
I see this one a lot. Yes, I’m grateful that I’m not homeless, not yet. Too many people are one paycheck away, I understand that. But I think the words are confused. I think they mean “be appreciative.”
Gratitude is when we are grateful for something or someone. Appreciation, on the other hand, is when we are able to notice the good in something.
To Appreciate: to be fully conscious of; be aware of; to view as valuable.
Yes, I should be more appreciative. I should recognize the value and quality of the things that surround me.
Plus, “grateful” is a bit pompous, don’t you think?
Smile
Yeah yeah, this I know, I should smile…it’s just that it negates sadness, which as I indicated, is a hobby of mine.
Do I Need A Guru?
So much to think about.
Maybe reading all of these websites so early in the morning wasn’t such a good idea?
I switch my search to video.
When I search “Self Help Videos,” there are 2.3 billion video results. 2.3 Billion. That’s a lot of videos. Many are selling attendance to seminars in the links. Their video is supposed to get me excited and hint that I may learn their secrets to happiness if I buy the seminar. What do you think, should I schedule one? Those seminars start at $500.
It’s a big business.
There are lots and lots of coaches and guru’s who seem to make a good living off of people who are not happy with themselves.
I’m one of those people.
Not a guru selling “self-help” books and seminars, but a person who is unhappy with himself.
If I had a penny for every video, I’d have 23 million dollars.
Do you think that would make me happy?
Isn’t that what it’s all about? Personal wealth and material possessions. Isn’t that how we measure happiness and success? I’ll bet that most if not all of those videos and courses will tell me that it’s not about money or possessions. But then why are they asking me to sign up and pay $1000 for a one-day seminar?
It appears money can make you happy. It seems to work for them.
My Perspective
Although I am making fun, and I haven’t found any answers, I do have some perspective.
Learning to find your best self can be intimidating. Everyone has a “list.” There are libraries full of recommended tips to help you become a better person and live a better life. There are literally thousands of life-coaches who would be willing to sell you their course.
For me, I’ve cut it down to these 5 simple things:
- Focus on the Now: Focus of any kind is a good thing. We can easily become overwhelmed with everything that’s going on in the world. It makes perfect sense to talk to one person at a time and do one task at a time. It’s not an easy thing to achieve. Ask my 7-year-old son. He wants me to focus on him and although I try as best I can, sometimes I fail. When he asks me to come to his room and play legos, that doesn’t mean I should watch him make things while I’m scrolling Facebook. He gets mad when I try to do two things at once. And he’s right. So I put the phone down and make the effort to focus on him. When I am able to focus on what’s happening right now, we make some really great things out of lego together.
- Set Goals: Of course you should set goals. High priority goals should have precedence. Pick 3 things and focus on just those. The subconscious mind is a remarkable thing. The concept of reviewing a few challenges/goals before bed is meant to give your subconscious mind time to work on them. It takes less effort to let your brain work it out behind the scenes. Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, even Charles Darwin all proclaimed to have problems solved when they were “away from their work-bench.”
- Healthy Body/Healthy Mind: Everyone should eat healthier. And meditation works for many people. It can help create clarity. I’ve tried it, but I can’t claim that “it works,” and here’s why. These are not goals, they are life-habits. The reason for adding them to your list every day is about establishing repetition. Eventually, they’ll take ground and you won’t need to think about them anymore, you’ll just do them. At least I hope so. I’ll let you know when I achieve clarity…or if I lose 15 pounds.
- Be Positive: For me, this is the hardest one. I try to look at the glass as being half full, rather than half empty, but I grew up in an inherently negative atmosphere. I think many of us have. It’s just the way things were said and done. “Don’t go in the street, you’ll get hit by a bus” or “if you eat candy before bed, your teeth will fall out.” These are negative preconceptions and they set the stage for viewing the world in a negative way. I think it best to try “being positive” in the same vein as understanding “appreciation.” Appreciate what you have…whatever that may be. Try to see the value in things rather than considering all of the negative possibilities.
- Smile: Yes, I should smile more. So should you. I should smile at others and I should also smile at myself. And while we’re all smiling, we may notice that it becomes more difficult to be unkind to people. Even a fake smile works better than no smile at all. Remember that guy on the elevator? I’ll bet if I would have taken the time, looked him straight in the eye, and smiled, he probably would have lowered his voice and ended his call early.
I’m not a coach or a guru, do what works for you. Try to focus on what makes you happy. You don’t like to meditate…but you like donuts? Fine, eat a donut — but focus on it, sit down and spend time with it. Appreciate it and smile while you enjoy it.
So, Can Money Buy You Happiness?
I’m not sure. I do think that it can help you on the journey. It appears to me that a pocketful of cash can certainly make happiness more convenient and easier to achieve.
But I am sure of this one thing…I can buy myself a smile for exactly $1.
I walk to my local lottery retailer, buy a lotto ticket, and think about winning.
It makes me smile.
Just telling you that I play lotto makes me smile. It’s a smile of embarrassment, but it’s still a smile.
I get a 2nd smile when I think about what I would do with the winnings, how and who I would share it with. And then a 3rd smile comes across my face when I think about actually winning. How silly am I for even considering that I may have purchased the 1 in 13,983,816 chances of winning that jackpot?
Here’s the thing. Remember those 2.3 billion videos? A lotto ticket seems to give me better odds than finding the one self-help video that will change my life.
Thanks for reading. I hope you achieve your own happiness. Smile.
If you would like to read more from me, try the story below.
