Dealing with Self-confidence
Self-confidence is a topic that cannot be overemphasized for it is a determining factor in how we act and react to every other situation around us.
Being confident like we commonly know, is having assurance in yourself, another person, thing, or situation. Having this assurance in yourself (capabilities) is what we refer to as being self-confident.
There are three types of self-confident people: low self-confidence, self-confident, and over self-confident. Ideally, we should be self-confident. But in reality, the majority of us have to deal with low self-confidence and a lesser extent over self-confidence each day.
Low Self-confidence
Low self-confidence is a state where we doubt our capabilities and feel not good enough. It tends to draw us back because we find other people better-off, and become afraid to showcase what we have to offer. It could be in particular areas of our lives (public speaking, singing, acting, etc.).
If the issue of low self-confidence gets ignored, it affects our self-esteem. Having low self-esteem makes you feel lowly of yourself as a whole, and feel the need to prove yourself to others to belong or be accepted.
This state puts one in a vulnerable position because you become easily influenced when seeking validation. It also could turn into envy or hate for people you find better-off.
Dealing with Low Self-confidence
Dealing with low self-confidence is a constant struggle. It’s something we don’t want, yet we find ourselves in it anyways. It’s normal for one to feel frustrated and tempted to believe those who exert confidence have no fears at all. However, this is not the case.
Trying to deal with self-confidence myself, I came across different articles commonly talking on how to dress, walk, talk … how to act to appear confident. I have grown to realize applying these rules will give you a positive image for sure and changes the way people regard you.
However, though this is great, self-confidence affects self-esteem. Self-esteem is a personal issue that affects us inside, and what people see outside is only a reflection. So, unless how we feel inside is handled, we will find ourselves back in the same situation. Sometimes we need this positive image to boost or reassure us, but it’s only for a moment.
To handle the issue of low self-esteem, you need to accept yourself for who you are. I know we’ve grown in homes or environments where attributes were preferred, so because we didn’t have these attributes, we began feeling low of ourselves and trying to fit into what is acceptable to feel validated. You don’t need to walk in the shoes of other people to succeed, what you need is to believe and be resilient.
So to truly handle the issue of self-esteem and build your confidence is to love who you are as you are. Find the space that fits your attributes and own it, regardless of what is popular. People will turn to respect you.
At this point, it is okay to want to improve who you are. The difference is, you’re no longer trying to fit in, but wanting to become the best version of yourself. For in life, there are unlimited possibilities of what we can offer, and each day is a chance to learn and grow.
Over Self-confidence
Funny enough, there is a thing as over self-confidence. It is a state where we are too sure of our capabilities. I know you might be thinking, that’s a great place to be in.
The issue is, when we become overconfident in ourselves, we tend to see ourselves as demigods who have all the power, so pride and arrogance sets in. It can also cause us to underperform, because we forget the importance of work and God, and give ourselves all the credit.
Dealing with Over Self-confidence
Dealing with over self-confidence starts by acknowledging that there is a higher authority (God), who ultimately has the final say. Take the case of cooking; you can have the best ingredients, tools, experience, and no doubt the best technique in making the dish.
Understanding there’s this tiny savor at the end of it all you have no control over and which none of these forces of yours can make happen, helps to keep you in check. It doesn’t make you doubt your ability to make the dish, but at the same time, it gives you a sense of gratitude and humility.
“Those who think they are standing firm had better be careful that they do not fall.” (1 Corinthians 10:12)
At the end of the day, it is clear that self-confidence is not the absence of fear, it is owning and living in your truth regardless.
“I learned that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it…” (Nelson Mandela)
“The fruit of that righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever.” (Isaiah 32:17)
As promised in Isaiah, we will gain confidence by striving to live a righteous life. That is, a life of truth and honesty to yourself, others, and God.
