Dear Friend, Focus On What You Have

Don’t let bad friends distract you from the amazing people that are in your life.

Salathia Richburg
Nov 14 · 4 min read

I’m here to share my secret with you. I am an expert at sabotaging myself and my relationships. I didn’t realize how negative I was until today, my birthday.

You see, I have a friend, let’s call her Laura. Laura and I have been good friends for a while. We became distant after our last “fight” but, we’re still friends. At least that is what I thought.

I guess I didn’t get the memo, or maybe I just didn’t read the signs.

Either way, I was pissed because she saw it was my birthday through Social Media. She watched every single Instagram story but couldn’t send me a birthday text. Again, I thought we were friends.

I sat next to my boyfriend, expressing my anger. I was hurt and upset that my friend couldn’t even wish me a happy birthday. You know what else? That same friend didn’t say anything when my dog died. Nope, Laura just kept watching my Instagram stories like I was live entertainment.

So while I was complaining to my boyfriend, he pointed something out. Now look, I’m not happy with what he said because it made me feel like shit but, I needed to hear it. He told me the truth, whether or not I wanted to hear it.

He said, “Why are you upset with Laura? What about all the other people who said happy birthday to you? Don’t they matter?”

They do matter! Every single one of them but, instead I wasted all my energy on the one person who didn’t say it. That’s when I knew something was wrong.

Accept What You Can’t Change

Then move on. Laura is someone I cannot change. Our friendship is something I cannot change. I’ve tried it! I’ve texted, I’ve called, I did the whole damn thing. What do I get in return? Not even half of that.

A text won’t hurt.

My therapist always reminds me that I cannot change people. Most importantly, I can’t expect people to be like me. I’m a kind person, I’m loving, and I keep in contact with the people in my life.

Life is short, and relationships are important to me. If you need a friend I’m here, a shoulder to cry on — I’m here. In return, I expect the same damn thing.

I’ve decided to be grateful for those around me.

Although I can’t change people, I can focus on Amanda and Sara who are amazing friends.

Even with a newborn, Sara finds time to shoot me a text or video message me.

So I have two options I can either be pissed at Laura, or I can be grateful for Sara and Amanda. I think you know what I’ve decided to do. I’ve decided to be grateful for those around me.

You look at life through a lens. Every day you get to decide which lens you’re going to look through.

I’m using gratitude from here on out.

Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

Wake Up Being Thankful

The first thing I do in the morning is thank God for everything I have. I usually go into detail in the car but I try to express my gratitude every day.

When you wake up being thankful for what you have, you’re not thinking about what you don’t have. I’m learning that when I am happy, I don’t need to go looking at other people’s lives. I don’t need to look for what’s missing.

Tell The People You Love How You Feel.

In the end, life is short. Tell those who matter to you that you love them. Yes, life gets busy. Some dishes need to be cleaned, some homework needs to be done, some animals need to be fed, and some kids need to be put to sleep. Something always needs to get done.

But a text won’t hurt.

Carve out time for the people who matter in your life. Don’t argue with people who aren’t interested in your wellbeing. Don’t try to make room for people who don’t make room for you. Most importantly, don’t stop your life for anyone.

Use the time you have and make it work. If you put in the effort and they don’t, find someone else to give that energy to.

When you tell people how grateful you are of them, they do the same. Let it come from the heart. Do it as a reminder that you have someone you are blessed to have in your life.

Sometimes life moves so fast we overlook the most important things. We overlook the small relationship we would miss the most.

One last thing…

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” — Marcus Aurelius

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Salathia Richburg

Written by

A writer sharing her life-lessons and passions. Focusing on Self-Improvement and Personal Growth. Speaking my truth through writing and poems.

Live Your Life On Purpose

Get Purpose. Get Perspective. Get Passion.

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