Hurray for Mommy!
Working Mommies are often unsung heroes and this film seeks to correct that wrong. On our weekly, ‘date night,’ I saw the film, ‘On the Basis of Sex,’ about Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
Then we took both our kids to see it on Martin Luther King Day. To me, this film begs issues still pertinent in relationships. Ruth represents the importance of standing up for what you feel is right and working hard to make the world a better place.
Into her 80’s, Ruth is still, ‘doing her thing’ and remains a role model for many.
Often women who’ve made really big accomplishments in the world choose to forgo marriage and family in order to do so. Other times, they feel that they have to dumb down their accomplishments in order to marry or to take a backseat to their husband’s career, in order to keep their partnership stable.
As a relationship expert, the marriage between Ruth and Marty struck me as the best kind of love story.
They had a mutual admiration, affection, attraction, interests, shared values, shared parenting and domestic work, joint sacrifice and compromise and a willingness to support one another’s dreams without competition.
Marty acknowledged his wife’s intelligence, passion and was happy that she was one of the nine women accepted at Harvard Law school that year. He knew that she could do whatever she put her mind to and he supported her taking chances.
He put his law firm partnership on the line by confronting his boss in order to join Ruth in her case to fight for civil rights. He made sure that their daughter respected her mother’s passion, fortitude and drive and he stepped aside in court to give Ruth the opportunity to shine.
While this seemed uncommon at the time, unfortunately, I cannot say that it is common today either.
Their support and selflessness went both ways. Ruth somehow managed to take Marty’s Harvard Law classes for him(in addition to her own) when he had testicular cancer.
She managed two children, took exams and helped to care for him. She changed law schools in order to go with him to the job of his choice in NYC.
Marty was a great lawyer in his own right and they continued to champion one another's dreams. They were married 56 years. Marty did most of the cooking and they raised their two children together.
As a working mom, I understand the value of husbands supporting their wives and of fathers assuring their daughters that they can be brilliant in the world.
My husband also does most of the cooking in our household. We share the childcare and for many years he and our son did the laundry weekly. I’ve written 22 books and he has supported me in my dreams.
We both work as therapists and make similar incomes. So, hopefully, this is changing…but how quickly or often?
Perhaps one of my favorite scenes in the movie with Marty and Ruth was when Ruth pounded the pavement in NYC and was rejected at over a dozen law firms.
She finally accepted a law professorship and her husband Marty came home and toasted to her and her gifts, reminding her that as a professor she could represent any client that she wanted as a lawyer. He toasts to Ruth with their daughter, saying,
‘All I have to say is, Hurray for mommy!’
Yes, hurray for Ruth, hurray for Marty and hurray for the purity of their love and the potential that they represent in relationships for us all.
3 Benefits of Equal Marriages
Here are 3 research-findings that support the value of equal relationships like Marty’s & Ruth’s marriage:
1. Working Moms Set a Good Role Model for their Kids
The research found that daughters of working moms were more likely to flout traditional gender roles and to want careers.
They were more assertive in school, participated more, asked more questions and took on more leadership positions than daughters who had stay-at-home moms.
They were more independent and had more of a sense of efficacy. Sons of working moms felt that men could do activities that were traditionally considered ‘female’ activities.
2. Dads that Do Housework Positively Affect their Kids
The research found that when dads did more than 40 percent of the childcare, their kids had friends of both sexes, exhibited fewer gender expectations of their friends than kids of dads who didn’t do housework. As teens, the kids of dads who did the housework were more open-minded and liberal re shared parenting and dual-earner marriages.
3. Dads Doing Chores with their School-Aged Kids Also Had Good Effects
When dads of school-aged children did the cleaning, cooking or errands together, those kids were more likely to get along with peers, to have more friends, to be happier and they were less likely to disobey teachers.
When Ruth is about to fight in court for the first time, her husband Marty reminds her,
‘You’re ready for this. You’ve been ready for this your whole life. Go in there and let the judges see the Ruth Ginsburg I know.’
What would the world be like if men and women both supported one another ‘full out’ like this, without competition? This would become, ‘the new normal’ for future generations and families so that all people would thrive with love, both at work and home.
Dr. Paulette Sherman is a psychologist, relationship coach and the author of, ‘When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams.’ You can take her online class about how to attract a mate who’ll support your dreams at home and at work in her Udemy class, ‘Dating Success: How Successful Women Create Loving Lasting Relationships.’ Also, check out her upcoming book, ‘Facebook Dating: from 1st Date to Soulmate’ if you’re dating online.
