If I Fail At Love Do I Fail At Life?
But I’m Still Single Will I Ever Find Anyone….
The measurement of success for many people often lies in one or two categories: financial success or #relationshipgoals.
The thought is, if I’m not where I want to be economical, I can at the very least find someone to be with romantically to enjoy whatever bit of life there is left to enjoy.
While companionship (and even friendship and community) are great values to prioritize and pursue, the question of whether or not the totality of life hangs on the contingency to acquire and retain them is cause for real, honest examination.
Many single people, and I dare say some married individuals who are struggling in their relationship, continuously ask this question:
If I fail at love do I fail at life?
But is finding and keeping love the epitome of life? If so, do we even know how to love? Fully? Unconditionally?
What would our lives look like if we loved unconditionally?
How would our lives be different?
How would our relationship expectations be different?
When seeking the love of a new friendship or potential romantic relationship how can we pursue it with unconditional love as the lens?
Do we even know how to decipher what unconditional love is versus unhealthy love? We often confuse the two when we fight for relationships for the sake of not giving up even though it’s output is toxic in nature.
Not hard but toxic. Not difficult and dis-interesting but toxic. Not slightly dis-satisfying but toxic.
You see many times our pursuits of love in friendships and relationships are built on perfection. Not just any level of perfection but our own; built on the condition of our desires and goals. But what happens when we set our path of love in life based on conditions?
We set ourselves up to fail.
You see much like the flowers of the field our conditions are fleeting. Here today, tweaked tomorrow.
We, ourselves, can’t even agree on what it is that we truly desire permanently. What catches our eyes today and fills our bosoms may not hit the spot the next.
So what do we do?
Do we change up our conditions of love and place those demands onto the front page newspaper of our day to day interactions with the people we engage with?
If we are this unstable, how then can we expect to find someone to meet and satisfy this ever-changing conditional demand?
Guess what we can’t.
It’s futile.
So why do we get so frustrated when our conditional love inner aches continue to go unmet?
It’s because we are putting our hope in something that’s not capable of delivering. No matter how you spin it people were never meant to fully fill your cup of love.
Are they a part of the pouring process?
Absolutely.
But note their position.
They are not the waterfall, but the stream that leads you to it.
They aren’t the continual gushing downpour of excitement, pleasure and passion but a continual push to nudge you in the direction of the place/source that is.
Yes, the waterfall is real and it’s available for all who are thirsty and dry.
Dry from the constant quest for the one.
Thirsty from the endless pursuit of finding a match for your ever-changing conditions.
You see to win at love is to realize that it’s not the acquisition of a 100% match from a person, but a commitment to chose to love unconditionally.
Love unconditionally?
Un-un….I cannot.
Well, you’re right.
Left to our own devices we are incapable of fully loving both ourselves and other people unconditionally. So then, how can we go about such a task?
Well, it’s of my belief that it is only possible through one source and one source only. Can you guess what it is?
God.
Yes, the Lord who reigns in love.
An everlasting, endless, pure, unconditional, winning love that will satisfy greater than any pursuit of self-fulfilling love.
This love is a sweet foundation for any other relationship one wishes to pursue. Because without it, we are just grasping in the dark hoping our own efforts and standards lead us to love victory.
Yet the battle to win at love is tough. A feat that many undertake with the influence of culture and fleshly desires as it’s a compass. With these two as its generals, one can only hope for meager carnage at best.
With this in mind, why not choose to look at love a new way?
