I’m Contagious. Are You?
Lessons in mindfulness from a smiling mask
“In a time when many are worried about being physically contagious, I hope we can all start being contagious in a different way. By mindfully and intentionally spreading positive energy, and by being a ‘light’ to help each other see in the dark.”- Me
My Smile Mask Story
When the pandemic first started, like most people, I did not have a mask. My first mask was one I had hand-sewn, which is not something I am very good at, but I did it so I could go out in public.
On my first day wearing it, I was standing in line at Walgreens when I heard a commotion behind me. I looked back and saw an elderly woman quickly backing up while apologizing.
She was saying, “I’m sorry if I was too close.” When I realized she was talking to me, I replied, “That’s ok. I hadn’t even noticed.” She seemed relieved and said, “Oh good! People get so mad about that these days.” I ended the conversation by saying, “I’m not mad at all, but I guess it’s hard for you to see my smile underneath this mask.”
As I left the store, I thought about it a lot. I was aware of the challenges for the hearing impaired to not be able to read lips, but it had not occurred to me that it might impair our ability to read people’s emotions. I thought it might be useful to find a mask that had a smile on it. It was still early in the pandemic, but I found one on the internet and purchased it.
People tell me all the time that they like my mask. Kids will often point it out to their parents. More importantly, I have seen first-hand how people really are drawn to a smile. Even if it’s on a mask. Although it wasn’t expensive, I can tell you that the experiences and lessons of wearing it have been priceless.
The Grocery Store Incident
One day, I had to make a last-minute stop at the grocery store for a few items. As I was hurrying through the store, I remember wondering if there was a full moon or something as people seemed ruder than usual.
When I got to the self-checkout, an elderly store employee stood behind me and seemed to be watching my every move. I found it a little off-putting. What was her deal? Did she think I was going to steal something? So, I spun around and snapped, “Is there something you need?” She quickly said, “No, ma'am. I’m just waiting to clean the machine when you are done.”
Okay. I felt bad. She was just doing her job and I clearly needed to check myself. In other words, adjust my attitude and energy. I thanked her for her help and I left as fast as I could.
In the parking lot, just before I got to my car, I saw a woman who attends the Spiritual Center I led for a while. We exchanged the typical niceties. “Hi, how are you?” I ask. She replies “Good. You?” However, her response was in a lot more of a questioning tone than I expected. Her body language indicated that she didn’t care to stay and talk more, so I just assumed that she was in a hurry too, and we parted ways.
As I approach my car, I catch my reflection in the window, and see that I had my mask on -UPSIDE DOWN!
Realizing that my smile had been a frown the entire time, I was horrified. That was the exact OPPOSITE message I would EVER want to convey.
I remembered the people’s crabby and rude responses to me in the store, my interaction with the lady at the checkout, and my friend from church. The whole experience suddenly made a whole lot more sense! That’s when I realized that not only was my mask not on right, my attitude and energy matched it. People had both seen and felt my energy and based their responses accordingly.
The mask allowed me to witness first-hand how people respond positively to positive emotions and negatively to negative emotions. They really do.
Although it was completely accidental, it ended up being quite an eye-opening experiment! In hindsight, I know that if I had checked myself before I had entered the store, I could have avoided it all.
The lesson I learned was humbling. We are all putting out a vibe, and if it is not good, it is probably bad. Read that again if you need to!
Mindful Check-ins
Practicing Mindfulness has taught me the benefit of doing regular check-ins. My Buddhist teachers do check in’s every 15 minutes, but it can really be any time variation.
The general idea is to check in with yourself often so that you can identify and shift any negative focus and emotions that come up. Proactively, this keeps us from stacking things up and helps us maintain a more balanced emotional state. Or in this case, be less of a jerk.
No one is perfect. Not even the ‘Masters’. Certainly not me at the store that day. That is why we call it a ‘practice’.
It only takes 30 seconds to check yourself. I just close my eyes for a moment and take a few nice breaths. I breathe in deeply through my nose and then blow it out through my mouth.
Ask yourself, how you are? If it’s not good, that’s okay! That’s why we check-in, right? Then you just make a point to shift your energy.
Ever since the day that I now refer to as the ‘grocery store incident’, not only do I triple-check that I have my mask on right, but I also use this as an opportunity to do a mindful check-in, and make sure that my energy and attitude under the mask is good too.
My appointment with Henry
Despite diligently wearing my fun smile mask, and rarely leaving my house-I found myself having respiratory issues during the pandemic. Fortunately, my Covid test results were negative, but nothing could explain why I went from working out an hour a day 5 days a week to not being able to go up and down stairs without trouble breathing. So eventually, my doctor ordered a lung function test.
On the day of the appointment, I parked my car and got out. I put my mask on, and as I closed the car door, I saw my reflection in the glass of the drivers' side window. OOPS! Good thing I checked! It was bad enough walking through a grocery store without realizing my mask was upside down, but it would be so much worse if I did that at a hospital!
I straightened my mask and begin to check myself. Breathing in, yes, everything felt good! I let it out, and release some doctor anxiety that is normal for me. I breathe in deeply one more time, imagining myself filling up with all that is good. Breathing out, I remind myself to let my energy be contagious.
I knew if I ever needed to bring my good energy anywhere, this was both the time and the place.
At the entrance of the Hospital, I was stopped for pre-screening. I noticed that there were several workers behind the desk, very disengaged. The person doing my screening, even more so. Her vocal instruction was very routine and monotone. They seem weary and tired. I found this to be the case in each interaction that led me to the waiting room of my appointment.
I didn’t have to wait long before I hear my name being called by a man in scrubs and a white N95 mask. As I approach him, I instantly see and appreciate the smile in his eyes. He introduces himself as Henry, and he will be doing my tests today.
Making small talk as we are walking through the maze of hallways to the testing room, he tells me he likes my mask. I thank him and share with him the story of the Walgreens lady that inspired me to purchase it, and also of the ‘grocery store incident’. He seemed to enjoy the stories, and his laugh was strong enough to pass the muffle of his mask and still echo a bit in the long corridor.
Henry was the only one I encountered at the hospital that seemed to have his “light” on. That’s what I call it when someone is exuding positive energy. I am sure that is why we connected right away. Fortunately, during the downtimes between each test, we were able to visit with each other and get to know each other better.
It had occurred to me that as a Respiratory Therapist, Henry was probably working ‘in the trenches’ amid the pandemic. Sure, we see what we see in the news, happening elsewhere. But I was given the opportunity to personally ask someone on the front lines, how it was going at our local hospital.
He shared with me that on any given shift there are 12 or 13 other doctors like him on duty. He said they always alternate one to do the clinical testing like he was doing with me today, while the rest are caring for the patients in beds.
He told me that he has been doing his job at the same hospital for the past 32 years. In that time, he has seen a lot of illness and death, but the restriction of family and visitors, and seeing people die alone has undoubtedly been the hardest for him and his colleagues.
This tugged at my heartstrings, and I thought about how hard that must be. I could sense the stories he wasn’t saying. I thought of the tired and weary staff. But I looked again and saw that light in Henry was still on. How does he do it?
Then he began to share with me how he likes to “check himself” before he enters each room, to make sure he brings good energy to each patient.
I couldn’t believe it- he does mindful check-ins too!
From room to room, patient to patient, he checks himself and makes sure he is bringing his best to each one.
He said he always makes sure to talk and joke around with each of his patients. Even if they aren’t conscious.
When I asked how he keeps himself going. His answer came as no surprise, as it is something I also deem important and necessary. Self-Care.
I said “You are such a treasure! The world needs more Henry’s!”
He humbly accepted the compliment and then shared that he is responsible for training the new graduates. He said he sees so many come in just focused on the steps of a procedure, but he said he always makes sure to teach them the most important part. Patient CARE.
He said he likes to trick his newbies with the question, “What is the most important thing in the exam room?” He paused for a moment almost as if he were asking me the question. Then he continued, “Most will say it is the instruments, or the computers and data.” Henry finished with, “The correct answer is, the patient.”
He had been demonstrating that in my exam. I knew Henry was being contagious in the best way. With his patients, by training new Henry’s, and by practicing self-care to make sure he is keeping his light on.
Being Intentionally Contagious.
It wouldn’t be real for me to tell you that me and all of the Henry’s of the world are wearing our smiles 100% of the time. It is extremely easy to get caught up in the busyness of life and forget to bring our best.
Self care helps us keep our inner light from dimming or getting burnt out.
The key is to check ourselves regularly, so we can be more intentional about the energy we are spreading. Because our energy IS contagious. Good or bad!
That’s not something we can fake either. We all have seen people with fake smiles. They fool no one! Mask or no mask, you can’t fake your energy. Because people can feel that, and see it in your eyes and body language!
That’s because your energy and attitude let people know if your expression is genuine or not.
The morning of my final lab appointment, I was running late, and I did not get my usual coffee and mindfulness time in my Zen Den. It was January in Minnesota, so that means the morning roads are a little more slippery and driving has to be slower. Already late, I find a parking spot, hop out, put on my mask, and quickly check my ‘smile’ in the glass.
Suddenly Henry flashes in my mind.
If Henry, who is in ‘the trenches’ during a pandemic and still keep his light on, anyone can! We just need to constantly remind ourselves to ‘check ourselves’. For him, it is room to room. But for us, imagine the impact it would have if we checked ourselves before every interaction we have!
As I enter the building, I notice that instead of fearing that I pick up something contagious, I’m now hoping that it is my energy and attitude that is contagious today.
The first person that I ‘infected’ was a woman named Mary who I met in the lab waiting room. She was parked in her wheelchair across the room. From an acceptable distance, I stood by her while I waited. Instead of making small talk, I said “How fast can you get that thing going?” She found it especially funny and said, “Not too fast these days.” She was telling me about her hip when the nurse came and wheeled her away. I could faintly hear her telling the nurse about what I had said. I saw the nurse look back at me, but she was smiling. That’s how it spreads!
When my name was called by the lab technician, I noticed that she looked a little weary, like the ones at the hospital. She definitely needed some good energy!
I wished I had remembered her name, but she thought being called a ‘vampire doctor’ was funny. Especially since I was there for a blood draw.
She said, “Okay Kelly, which arm should I start with?” She was eying up my veins when I pulled back and said, “What do you mean START with? How many are you planning to do, or are you just feeling extra stabby today?!” She tried to correct what she had said, but there was no use. She was unable to hide her laugh, and she assured me that she only needed one vein today.
I apologized and explained that even at my age, I’m still a bit of a weiner about needles and use my humor to cope.
As I was gathering my things to leave, she told me that I had made her day and that she said she really liked my mask. I said, “Well good thing I don’t have it on upside down, I’ve done that before!”
Then she said something that was more meaningful than she knew, “The mask helped, but I could see it in your eyes.”
When I look at her, I noticed that something looked different in her eyes now. She seemed less weary and I swear I saw her ‘light’ come on.
As I was leaving, I stopped to tie my shoe and I overheard her telling her coworker about her experience with ‘that patient with the smile mask’ and something about ‘vampire doctor’. Then I heard them both giggling. I walked away truly smiling under my mask. I knew that I had been contagious today and it was already spreading.
I hope they will think of me as I thought of Henry and be reminded to be contagious in the best possible way, and intentionally spread positive energy.
I hope you do too.
