It’s Time You Take Yourself on a Date
I’ve always been a quiet child who preferred playing on my own. My mom always tells stories about how, for hours, she wouldn’t hear a sound from my room, and then she would get scared and burst into my room only to see me playing with my dolls or coloring.
Being alone has never been an issue to me, and only when I hit adolescent years, I noticed that having many friends and spending every minute with them was something cool and even required from a person.
Although I had friends from school, I’ve never had a problem to stay alone for a while. Of course, I wasn’t confident enough to go to cafes or even shopping alone, but in the shelter of my home, I was more than fine.
But the need to constantly be surrounded by people as a sort of validation of my own existence grew. That formed a fertile ground for friendships and even relationships I couldn’t handle, nor did I want to be in them. But the fear of being alone conquered it all.
I guess it’s pretty common to stay in relationships that don’t serve you when you’re a teenager or a young adult. At that age, when you haven’t figured yourself out and still searching for an authentic self makes you stick to different people and not always the right ones.
But then, later on, you start selecting your social circle more carefully, and things somehow fall into place. I knew it should happen but didn’t know-how, and the more I waited, the more draining friendships and relationships came into my life.
Then in the midst of losing myself in others, I got an opportunity to travel abroad. It was scary because I had to go alone, and for the first time, to rely only on myself. But when I got to the place, I realized how much I loved being on my own. I visited places that interested me, I ate what I craved, and met more new people than I would have if I traveled with someone.
After then everything changed, and at this moment, I have a decent list of countries I’ve visited and a lot of them while traveling solo. But as much as I am proud now, it took guts to rely on myself, to plan my budget, make sure I’m safe, find accommodation, and meet people. But the more you do it, the more the courage inside you grows, and it’s worth all those first steps.
Find Joy in Being Alone
Don’t know how about you, but it happens to many of us when we want to go out or visit someplace, but we are too afraid to do that on our own. Then we start going through our contact list trying to find someone to keep us company. And if we don’t find it, well, then we probably skip the event or spend the evening at home. But what if instead of always waiting for others, you could give yourself permission to enjoy things on your own?
A few years ago, I couldn’t imagine myself sitting at the bar alone and enjoying my beer. Now, it became a casual thing — an opportunity to spend an evening out because you want to not because everyone else is busy. What I realized is that if you want to do something, let it be going out on a Friday night or taking a trip to a new country, it gets way more complicated and tiring if you have to wait until someone agrees to go along.
I used to try to persuade my friends to join me on my trips or events, but it was only a waste of time. Of course, it’s wonderful to share meaningful moments with people you care about, but often it just makes you miss out on things if you always rely on others.
Waiting for people can push you into dreadful relationships or make you miss out on things. So, instead of sending several messages in a row, disconnect and take yourself out.
Take yourself on a date instead of dating wrong or toxic partners. Often we don’t want to date certain people, and we still do it just to have someone to take us out or keep us company. But then we risk losing the opportunity of getting into truly wonderful relationships or changing the way we are to please people just to be with us.
The other day, I read a blog post about how often we wait for someone to text us. You linger on one message trying to understand the deeper meaning behind it or look at your phone every two seconds to check if that person replied. But perhaps, instead of waiting, you need to text yourself? Because if you’re waiting for someone to pay attention to you or love you, then it signals that you’re the one who should take on these responsibilities.
So, think of your perfect date, find the right time, and go. Immediately you will feel refreshed from the pressure of only going on dates with other people, and then you can use that emerging love to cherish yourself.
Visit events and concerts on your own so you wouldn’t miss your favorite artist just because your friends think she’s not talented. Buy that plane ticket and enjoy an undiscovered country by yourself. When you find that your own company is valid and you can have fun on your own, only then you will find joy and not loneliness in being alone. Since starting to travel solo, I fell in love with the freedom of choice and liberty to do everything in my own way.
However, after all, we are all people, and we need meaningful connections. I use the word meaningful because when you find that peace within you, you don’t have the energy to waste on someone who’s just passing by.
Let it be a friend or a partner. So, enjoy your journey to finding peace in being alone, because, in the end, it opens doors for the ones that truly matter.
