Loving Made Easy
The deliberate path to love and fulfillment
I’ve learned a bit lately.
One thing I’ve come to realize as true is ‘love is not a noun, it is a verb’. I went through a marriage breakdown, trial separation and ended up divorced a few years ago. I felt like a failure, but in reality, it was more like I was a passenger in a runaway car that neither of us was driving.
That car was driving towards this end, and I didn’t know how to correct its path. It turns out that slowing down an out of control car is hard, it’s hard to get into a position where you can influence the direction once it is moving at that speed on a bumpy road. Particularly if you both gave up the driver’s seat, and the self-driving function has not been maintained. Or, you are sabotaging your ability to choose a different end.
If you want to be in a fulfilling, deeply connected relationship, you have to choose that as an outcome and be deliberate in how you steer towards that outcome. To make this happen, the most important time is at the start, and then every moment after that.
I’ve realized that in being purposeful about this outcome in my new relationship, I am starting to understand some of the choices you can make along the way. Some things that keep the journey pointed towards fulfillment and connection, and even some things that can enable the mythical self-guiding functions.
This is not a ‘how-to list’, this is a reflection on what has worked for us. It might offer you some tools to use, some inspiration to create moments and opportunities to maintain the direction you both need.
It’s a weird thing, we tend to use the term relationship as the term to describe the commitment of people to each other. There is a primacy on the one that we describe as being the deepest. Our relationship with our chosen partner.
This term is one I want to focus on, partner. Often used in a confusing way nowadays to obfuscate the generalized priority on heterosexual marriages. But in truth, this is the most important term you can have for your loved one.
For those fulfilling and deeply connected relationships are truly a partnership. If you acknowledge this early, you realize that…