Dealing With Rejection
We All Know The Hardest Part Is Getting Back Up
I recently came across this job opening which by all standards was very close to my dream job because it checked many of my career requirement boxes — its industry, job scope and area were all in line with what I am looking for, and thankfully it was a role I was also qualified for (Not those “entry-level role looking for 5 years’ experience” BS that I’m sure some of you are familiar with).
Needless to say, I was quite nervous when preparing for the first interview — which actually went great. But even as I left the office feeling somewhat confident and satisfied with my performance, I couldn’t stop this tiny nagging voice creeping into my head whispering:
“You are not going to get it”.
Shut up voice inside my head.
“You know you’re not going to get it. I am just helping you deal with the disappointment that is to come.”
I realized that I had become all too familiar with this voice. In fact, this voice was born out from all the piled up disappointments and rejections I have ever faced in my life, with each one leaving an indelible mark in the deep valve of painful memories.
With each rejection and disappointment through life, I had allowed this toxic voice to grow and fester within me like some sort of bacteria that thrives on rejections. It was akin to a defense mechanism that I have built up over the years to protect myself from the pain of rejections and disappointments.
By telling myself that I will probably fail in my goals, it somehow makes the disappointment less crushing when the reality of me failing happens. It’s almost like the sour grapes scenario, just that in this case, I convince myself that those grapes are sour even before I find out that I can’t have them.
All these years, instead of being my own greatest support system, I chose to ruthlessly put myself down even before someone else has the chance to do it.
That’s when I realized — this has got to stop.
Being Comfortable With Rejection.
Rejection and disappointments are like the shadows of expectations — we will all clearly feel disappointed when we fail to get something we originally set out to, much like when children don’t get to have the candies or toys they see in the stores.
I have dealt with countless rejections through life in every shape and form, be it rejection from people, friends, opportunities that I really wanted at the time… and needless to say, the disappointment that comes with it is crushing. It always leaves me feeling worthless about myself and my capabilities, and I end up in a downhill spiral of self-doubt.
Rejection and disappointments tend to make us feel uncomfortable and low about ourselves. The reason is, we often interpret rejection at face value, which is basically the other party telling us that we are not good enough for them, or they don’t want us. There’s no other way to describe the feeling of having the door shut right in your face other than “It truly sucks”.
We tend to fixate on the immediate end result which is that the path or option right in front of us that we wanted is now gone, and miss out on so many other aspects of rejections which can actually be beneficial in the long run, such as the lessons we take away from it or all the other options that we didn’t consider previously.
There’s no hiding or avoiding rejections — because they can never exist in a silo. Rejections and disappointments are always the results of something — be it a strong emotion or desire, a dream, a goal… something you wanted badly. This is why the aftermath of it affects us so much because what you were working towards meant so much to you.
Don’t Avoid Rejection.
True, it stinks to have to deal with disappointments, but if you turn your perspectives around, aren’t they just proof of you working hard to lead a vibrant and passionate life? They represent our goals, ambitions, wants and deep emotions, and all these are what gives meaning in life and make this journey more colorful and satisfying along the way.
If living a life ardently knowing that I worked hard for what mattered most to me and pursuing my passions bravely meant that I will have to deal with the inevitable disappointments and rejections that are to come with my dreams, I will still say yes to it all. For a life without disappointments and rejections will mean a life without dreams and ambitions.
I have been doing it wrong all these years. Instead of trying to avoid the rejections and disappointments by putting my goals and dreams down, I should have been proud of how hard I fought for those opportunities that I wanted.
Unlike what Hollywood romcoms and movies show, the reality is that sometimes hard work and determination are just not enough. The real world is challenging, complex and the good guys don’t always win. Rejections and failures are our battle wounds in life and should give us confidence and strength, instead of being used to put ourselves down.
Yes, I didn’t get the role I wanted so badly, or that guy I liked didn’t feel the same way… All these rejections and disappointments may be soul-crushing, and you are allowed to feel crappy. But life is not just one single battle that determines it all; it is a string of continuous battles, both big and small, that you have to keep fighting in, and sometimes the losses only make the wins more significant. Disappointments and rejections are just battle scars that represent our journey, but it doesn’t have to define who we are, and it shouldn’t be used to bring ourselves down.
I am going in for my second interview next week. But this time around, I am not going to walk out telling myself I’m not going to get it.
