“The quality of your life is the direct result of the quality of your beliefs”
Your core beliefs dictate your expectations. They are what you think is true about yourself and the world around you. God created you with a design in mind. Your experiences may have changed your core beliefs so they don’t line-up with God’s design causing you to feel like you just don’t fit, you don’t feel right about life.
Core beliefs are the experiential beliefs about yourself, your family, other people, the world, and your capabilities. On a physical level, they cause you to think and behave in specific ways. They are rooted in your subconscious mind, but, contrary to popular belief, you don’t need psychotherapy to change them.
You think that your core beliefs are rigid and unchangeable, but research shows that they are changeable. Actually, your core beliefs are a habit. They have been with you since childhood. You have repeated them over and over to yourself, possibly with the help of others, such as your parents, until they become automatic — a habit. Habits, for the most part, are automatic thoughts and behaviors.
At some point in your childhood, you accepted them as describing your reality, who you thought you were and what you thought you were capable of doing. These core beliefs can be changed. Yes, you will have to work at it, but by setting your intention to change, it can be done. It’s just like changing any other habit. And remember, nature abhors a vacuum, so you can’t just get rid of the core belief. You have to replace it.
“Core belief is what we experientially believe to be the truth, but not necessarily what we believe intellectually to be true. It is our core belief that produces the bad feelings we tend to run from, suppress and deny.” — Ed Smith, Transformational Prayer
“I Am Too Tired”
I, a single mother in my mid-40s, sit on the edge of my bed. I can’t seem to muster up the energy to get up. The clock says one hour until time to be at work. My son is with his dad, so I don’t have to worry about getting him to school. All I want to do is stay in bed and forget the world.
“I’m so tired of my job, actually, I’m so tired of my life. Nothing ever seems to go right. Maybe I can just sleep the rest of it away,” I said out loud as my phone rang. “My ex. Now, what does he want?”
“Are you on your way to work?” he asked.
“You’re going to be late.”
“I’m not going.”
“I’m tired of my job.”
“But, you love your job. I don’t understand,” he said. After a short pause, “I’ll pick you up in 30 minutes. I know somebody who can help you.”
“But, I don’t…” I started to say as I heard the phone go dead. “I don’t want help. I want to be left alone.”
The first step is AWARENESS. You can not change anything you are not aware of or don’t acknowledge. Are you really ready for a change? If so, here is where you start. In my post, Find A Positive Light in a Negative Space, you will find questions to begin your journey to self-awareness and change.
Another way of becoming AWARE of your core beliefs is to pay attention to what you think or say about yourself. Look for your I AMs. Your I AMs point directly to your core beliefs. What happens in your subconscious mind is revealed moment by moment in your conscious mind by joining your I AMs to situations, as in the examples below.
The following thoughts show that you are not getting what you want or need:
- I AM (or I’m) tired of being poor.
- I AM tired of arguing.
- I Am tired of putting up with…
- I Am tired of being abused.
- I AM tired of drinking.
- I AM tired of my job.
- I AM tired of being alone.
The way our mind works, when you make statements like those above, you are actually rehearsing and reaffirming and claiming the negative situation. You are creating a life based on your negative core beliefs that you don’t deserve an easier, more abundant life. For you, then, life is about struggling and suffering. You are resisting who you really are, the positive you, and accepting the negative. It’s that simple.
For example, when you say, “I AM tired of being alone,” what you are actually saying to your mind is that nobody would want to be with me. I don’t have what it takes to be in a good relationship.
When you say, “I AM tired of my job,” you are actually saying to your mind that it’s a very bad position for you to be in. The job is not good for you. And, you end up finding fault with everything about the job until you either get fired or you quit.
The questions/answers in the last post can also be viewed from the I AM perspective. What negativity am I actually feeding my brain?
The second step is Do or Say The Opposite. “That’s too simple.” Did I hear you right, you said, “That’s too simple it can’t possibly work?” Try it!!! Use the Word, passages from the Bible, and turn it into proclamations.
- I AM (or I’m) blessed because God is my Shepherd, I lack no good thing.
- I AM a peacemaker. No matter the situation, God is my Strength and Help.
- I AM changing my situation with God’s help. Even though thousands around me might be affected, God’s promise to me is that no plague, no destruction, no evil thing — can even come near my house.
- I AM a child of God. Fear has no place in me — not in the morning, at noon, or at night.
- I AM not afraid. I will fear no evil, because His perfect love casts out all fear.
- I AM satisfied with my job. Even before my needs are known, my Good Shepherd has made a way for provision to be supplied to me.
- I AM not alone. God provides a place of rest for me no matter the circumstances surrounding me. He is always there and He never leaves me.
Even if you don’t see how this can change anything, do it anyway. The statements above were taken from Psalm 23 and Psalm 91. Take the scripture, make it personal, make it proclamations of who you are, your identify, and who you are to God.
Right on time, as usual, my ex, Henry, uses his key and walks on in. How many times have I told him to knock first? What if I have a friend, a date here and he comes bursting in? Besides, how can he have so much energy? What is his problem?
“Come on. We have to be there in a few minutes,” he said.
“Okay, okay. I’ll go, but I don’t see the point in it. I just want to be left alone.”
“You never listen. Never have and I guess never will,” I said to him.
A short drive and we were walking into an office building.
“Whose office is this? A coach?” I said looking at the sign on the door as we walked in and took a seat in the waiting room. “I don’t need a coach. I’m not running a marathon. I just want the world to go away.”
Henry didn’t say a word.
The door opened, “AnnMarie, I’m Gary, would you please come on back to my office,” he said holding the door open.
I slowly got up and walked to the door and into his office. Gary showed me to a comfortable chair and asked if I would like a nice, cold bottle of water. I nodded.
“Is there anything else I can get you?” he said as he handed me the water.
I shook my head.
Gary sat behind his desk, “Henry said, when he called, that you were having some problems. Can you tell me what’s going on?”
“I don’t know. Nothing seems to be going right. I’ve had trouble just getting out of bed this week. I just can’t seem to make myself go in to work or do much of anything else. I’m tired. I’m tired of arguing with everybody at work. I’m tired of putting up with all the BS. I’m tired of my job…”
Gary sat and listened as I rambled on and on about what I didn’t like and what I was tired of.
Finally, he said, “You’re tired of your job. Did I hear you correctly?”
“Yes, I am, so tired of my job.”
“What exactly is the problem with your job?”
“Nobody will listen to me. I don’t know why I thought I could do this anyway. I never seem to be any good at things I start. Things go okay for a while then it all falls apart, like my marriage. Here we go again. Everything is falling apart. I really don’t have the energy to start over again…”
“Let me ask you a question,“ he interrupted.
“Sure, go ahead.”
“You’re the boss right? The owner of the company.”
“Well, yes, I confess, I am the boss, but that doesn’t seem to matter.”
“How long have you been having this problem?”
“It’s been getting worse over the last couple of months.”
“I’m a coach. As I listened to you I heard a lot of negativity in what you are saying. Can we try a little exercise? It’s very easy. I’ve found in the past with similar situations that when a person’s attitude changes they have a different outlook. Can you try this with me?”
“It’s very simple. I want you to turn all the negative statements you’ve mentioned into positive ones. Okay? I’ll help you. You said, ‘I’m tired of my job,’ can you change it and make it positive. Find something positive about it.”
I laughed, “I don’t see how that’s going to help.”
“Humor me, okay? Just try it.”
“Well, I really like the creative side of my job. I love sitting down and sketching out the new designs. I can just get lost and sit for hours sketching. But…”
“No, no, keep it positive. Talk on about the positive, the good.”
“Okay. I have an assistant that is so talented. I’ll start a sketch. She comes in and gives me a little idea which makes the sketch fabulous. She is so creative. She’s there to help me at every turn. She also takes care of all the phone calls and the paperwork, the customers, and the other employees. I just couldn’t do it without her. You know we have had the best two months financial since we started…”
I kept talking. About the employees, the customers, and the progress we have made since opening the company. I rambled on and on for about a half hour. I began to relax. I sat up taller in my chair. The heaviness began to lift. I felt a smile take over my face. Energy began to come back into my being.
I stopped and looked at Gary, “That’s all it takes?”
“That’s a start. Some times it takes a little more work. Every time you catch yourself thinking, saying, or doing something negative, Do The Opposite, Say The Opposite. If you will do this you’ll begin to see a consistent change, but you have to do it all the time. You can’t stop. I have another question for you.”
“How much rest are you getting?”
“I try to get 7 to 8 hours of sleep per night,” I said.
“I didn’t say sleep. I said rest.”
I looked at him with a frown on my face, “There’s a difference?”
“Rest means you do something different. From my understanding, you’re working every minute you’re awake, either at home or at the office. How much time do you do something different, watch TV or a movie, read a book, go sit by the lake and do nothing?”
I thought about it for a few minutes, “I guess I get almost no rest. I’m always working.”
“You need to give your body and your mind time to rejuvenate.”
“That actually sounds like a great idea. I love to sit by the lake. I’ll do that today. My assistant can handle things. Thank you.”
As you go through your day, what are you saying to yourself? Are you speaking encouragement or defeat? Positive or negative?
What you say to yourself and others sets the course for your life. You can set your course for success or failure with the words you speak out loud and to yourself.
Above we used words from Psalm 23 and Psalm 91 to show how to combine the Proclamations of God with your confession to create a language that overcomes all obstacles and all oppositions. It also leads you into an in-depth relationship with God. As we make the scriptures personal and proclaim it out loud you are declaring his promises over you and your situation.