P. S.: Thank you, Pain
Pain...
How much are you willing to pay to get rid of this completely?
Yesterday, my dad changed one tap in our house. After his struggle to get rid of the old leaking tap, the new tap was finally installed. I let the water pump run again, only to find the old pipe lost its flexibility, and it was its turn to leak.
My dad immediately went to the nearest shop to get a new pipe while letting the water trickled down to a bucket. I was witnessing it, thinking nothing bad could happen after I turned off the water pump.
I was proven wrong after a few minutes.
The bucket couldn’t cover all the leaking parts. The rest of those leaking parts drenched the old wood cabinet on its way and I came back to found out the hall flooded by the yellowish puddle of tap water.
Not knowing anything else to do, I picked the nearest mat and tried my best to absorb all the puddle so it wouldn’t go any further. My mom quickly summoned another bucket for me to dry my mat and reabsorb the puddle.
It was a huge mess. My dad returned, and I was still desperately wringing the mat to move the water to the bucket. My mom also helped me and we mopped the hall clean and dry after roughly 30 minutes of labor.
I was rinsing the mat when I realized I scrapped my right thumb’s skin in the cleaning process, maybe because of too much friction each time I wrung the mat. It wasn’t bleeding at all, it only lost its topmost layer of the skin barrier. Leaving it with a reddish color.
It is a tiny and insignificant wound. Maybe you couldn’t call it one because it’s not bleeding. Yet this tiny wound causes pain. Not an excruciating one, but enough to distract me while I was doing my daily routine. It was reminding me of how many times that part of me took part in my daily life unrecognized when it is healthy.
I just realized how many activities my right thumb’s side participate in my day:
I winced whenever I wanted to wear or get rid of my pants before and after toilet business because it rubbed against my scrapped right thumb.
It pained when I washed dishes or when I rubbed my body in the shower.
I couldn’t hold my glass properly with my right hand since it was hurting my thumb whenever I moved it.
I couldn’t eat spicy food barehanded because the chili set my scrapped thumb on fire.
Each time I found another daily task that pained my right thumb, a realization pile up one on top the other.
I was thinking to myself, “How can this tiny wound brought much awareness to my life?…”
Pain…
Whenever you come, it is never good.
You are an unwanted feeling or bodily sensation.
Pain, how many times have you heard about it?
That’s how often I despise you.
I blame you for causing my suffering until I lost count of how many time I wish for you to be gone and never come back.
Yet after what happened with my right thumb, I saw you as something different. This tiny wound brought your other side to the light:
Pain, you are one of my lifesavers.
This time, trying to fully aware of what truly happening, let me thank you and the higher being for letting you continue to exist in my life.
You are vexing, annoying, troublesome, bothersome, maddening,
but you are a best friend who continuously reminds me:
About how important that small part of me when it is hurting,
because I have been careless about its wellbeing.
That something in me is facing danger,
and I need to save it.
You remind me I have something important to protect.
And despite my need to be useful to others,
I am also a living human being who needs to be loved, to be taken care of.
You remind me to be kind to myself;
That taking a break once in a while is my necessity.
You remind me I am struggling;
That I am fighting my way for something worthy to fight for.
That I’m facing my fear, getting out of my comfort zone, I’m growing.
You remind me that I am alive, living,
right here, right now.
You remind me of so many little things,
and that life is made from that simplicity.
The more I am aware of you, the more I appreciate what I have.
And once you got taken care of, you remind me that I have been strong enough.
That I get stronger in life.
It doesn’t matter how many times I fall, no matter how painful it was.
I have grown and moved forward in life.
The scar once I was ashamed of is the medal of honor, a symbol of bravery. And for this once, let me be proud of wearing all the memories with you,
that I am a warrior, a brave and winning warrior.
Dear pain,
I am not saying I will stop hating you all at once.
You are still unpleasant, to say the least.
But I welcome you to complete and spice up my life.
Together, add more awareness and appreciation for life.
Because just like the wise Buddha said,
Pain is certain, but suffering is optional.
And I chose to be happy with you.
