Selfish vs Self-love
Not even close to the same thing.
Our society likes to vilify selfishness. Because villains are selfish, willing to do anything and hurt anyone for their own gain. The idea of selfishness is rooted in a scarcity mindset: when you’re terrified that there isn’t enough for you, you become selfish and greedy.
You grasp onto everything within your reach and will push others out of the way to get it. Having this mindset makes you stingy in all aspects of your life. Not just with money, but with affection, with trust, and with every other good thing you have to offer in any relationship.
Selfishness and scarcity come from a place of fear.
Selfish people take whatever they can and hold onto what they have so strongly that often, even when some new good thing is offered, they aren’t able to receive it because their hands are already so full and so tightly clenched around what they have. If part of what they have is a relationship with another person, they may even strangle the relationship by trying to hold onto it so tightly.
Self-love, on the other hand, is rooted in the belief that the universe is infinitely abundant and that the more we give, the more we get.
When we believe that there is truly more than enough of everything for everyone, there is no problem with lavishing all kinds of self-love and self-care on yourself because there is still plenty to go around for everyone else. Giving yourself what you truly want and need, the things that nourish you and give you pleasure takes nothing away from anyone else.
A starving person cannot feed the hungry. A naked person cannot give the shirt off their back.
In fact, you soon realize that by taking excellent care of yourself and filling your own well to overflowing, you are better able to help and serve others in your life who you long to help. It is always easier to give from a place of abundance than from a place of scarcity.
So if you feel like you can’t do things for yourself without being selfish, think again. It’s time to reframe that limiting belief and see just how much dedicating yourself to your own self-love practice can improve not only your own life, but the lives of those around you too.
As an exercise to get you into the practice of self-love, try making a list of things that make you feel deeply comforted and nourished on a soul level.
These may be things like curling up in a cozy blanket to read a favorite book by the fire, a particular home-cooked meal, maybe getting your hair or nails done so you look your best, or a massage or facial.
For some people, it might be taking a walk in the woods or by the sea. For others, it might be going out with a best friend for coffee, or a night out on the town with the girls.
Be sure to include items and activities that make you feel most comfortable and happy in your own skin.
Now, with that list in hand, open your calendar and start to schedule a few of those activities into your calendar. Make time for self-love. Make a date with yourself. And make a note to sit down with your journal afterward and write about how doing that made you feel.
