Singlehood and Marriage: My View on Marriage as a Single Person.
As a single, it is almost impossible to overlook the topic of marriage. It always springs up, either from your desires or from society in general.
I grew up with both parents, who did the best they could in raising my siblings and I. They were and still are very loving and caring. I’m the last of four children, and my mum had me before her thirties. I believe in marriage as companionship with love and faithfulness. It’s easy for me because that’s what I lived in all my life.
Growing up, I had the mindset that a lady was supposed to get married in her mid-twenties. I felt like if she’s not married in her twenties, it’s late for her, and she’s unlucky in life. I know most of you will attest to this as well; probably as what you used to believe like me, or as what is.
Even with this belief of mine, I was not the type who often dreams of her wedding, planning how it will look like in advance and probably just waiting for my prince to make it a reality.
Be that as it may, we are different individuals so it’s okay if like me you don’t get all wedding crazy, or unlike me, you love drooling about it. It’s just like someone who plans so hard for their graduation, and another who doesn’t stress on that.
The real issue at hand is the misconception we have about marriage for women in particular.
My focus is in on Singles: their misconceptions, and the misconceptions on singles by other people with regards to marriage.
Common Misconceptions
· Marriage is the doorway to complete happiness.
· A lady is supposed to get married in her twenties.
· Men have the nature of unfaithfulness, so it is normal to have a cheating husband.
· An unmarried woman is a failure.
· There are no good men, so you just have to manage who you meet.
· Marriage is a favor given by a man to a woman, so she is responsible to make her home, work.
With these misconceptions, it brings me back to the question – what exactly is marriage?
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to live alone. I will make a suitable companion to help him” (Genesis 2: 18)
That was God’s perfect plan for marriage.
Now, what do the words suitable, companion, and help mean?
Suitable: Right or Appropriate for a particular person, purpose, or situation. (Oxford Dictionary)
Companion: a person you spend a lot of time with often because you are friends or because you are traveling together. (Cambridge Dictionary)
Help: to make it possible or easier for someone to do something, by doing part of the work yourself or by providing advice, money, support, etc. (Cambridge Dictionary)
So, marriage is being with the right friend who makes it easier by doing part of the work (providing advice, money, support, etc.) for your Divine purpose.
From God’s perfect plan, we see that our focus on marriage has been greatly diverted, leading us into the above misconceptions.
Marriage is having a suitable helper to walk with through the same path you would have walked as a single; it doesn’t change your path. Knowing this, you will realize;
· Complete happiness comes from walking in your path, not from being single or married.
· You were made for a suitable person, and so if you are a good and faithful woman, there is an equally good and faithful man for you.
· Marriage isn’t a favor from a man to a woman, but an institution created by God for a man and a woman to help each other on their divine purpose.
Then man said, “At last, here is one of my own kind- Bone taken from my bone, and flesh from my flesh. Woman is her name because she was taken out of man.” (Genesis 2:23)
· “At last” means eventually; implying there is no time frame to meet the right person. It could be early or as late as it gets.
Finally, let’s hear what Paul says about singlehood and marriage:
A man does well not to marry. But because there is so much immorality, every man should have his own wife, and every woman should have her own husband. (1 Corinthians 1B – 2)
Now, to the unmarried and to the widows I say that it would be better for you to continue to live alone as I do. But if you cannot restrain your desires, go ahead and marry — it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 8–9)
I believe as individuals, if we refocus on God’s perfect plan for marriage, and take off all the fallacies and pressure coming from the society and ourselves; we will be able to appreciate life better as single persons, and hence if married, live happily as well.
