A TEENAGE PREGNANCY IS A FAMILY AFFAIR AFFECTING GRANDPARENTS TEENAGER AND UNBORN CHILD
Teenage Pregnancy: Meet the (grand) Parents
In the U.S. alone, of the 65 million grandparents in the United States in 2012, 7 million, or 10 percent, lived with at least one grandchild.
Dealing with teen pregnancy as a soon-to-be (grand) parent
As you read in my previous article (Teenage Pregnancy: A conversation), teenage pregnancy can be a very traumatic experience for the expectant mother — with her being a teenager and all — however, this is not a one-dimensional issue; there are other actors in this drama, more people involved.
Yes, of course, the greatest burden will be bared by the teen mother (and father), but what about the parents (or soon-to-be grandparents)…? Do not assume because they are adults, the (grand)parents have it all figured out either.
The truth is, most of them don’t know what to do in this situation. So as a young woman, and self-described Millennial Advocate, I will try — to my best abilities — to give all of you concerned and scared (grand) parents, some helpful advice.
Breaking it down
So first off, you are not alone. In the U.S. alone, of the 65 million grandparents in the United States in 2012, 7 million, or 10 percent, lived with at least one grandchild¹ by 2020, this number is much higher.
If and when your teenage son or daughter comes home and tells you that they are pregnant, do not panic. Trust me, I understand; the very first thing that may come to mind is a sense of betrayal and broken trust.
All you may want to do is yell and scream at them, but — take a deep breath, this is important —at that moment, you need to put yourself in their shoes. It is a virtual certainty they were not planning on having baby; and are telling you now because they are scared and need all the help they can get.
Listen, calm down — take another deep breath. I understand: Yes, it may be VERY hard to EVER trust them again; that’s okay, you have a right to feel the way you do; but remember, they were upfront with you and told you, instead of not saying anything and taking matters in their scared and inexperienced hands.
For them to fess up and tell you was probably the HARDEST part. They are scared. Scared they have failed and disappointed you. Scared of being a burden to you. Believe me, they have enough problems right now; the last thing they need is you yelling and screaming at them on top of everything else.
First things, first. Breathe…breathing may help you calm down a little bit. If you need to leave the room, then do so. This is a better alternative to you inadvertently saying something hurtful that you WILL later regret. Having your teen son or daughter scared of telling you things WILL prevent them from trusting you in the future.
Second, you just need to start thinking about all the possible — positive and potentially negative — outcomes. You need to have a serious, honest — non-judgmental — conversation with your child to figure out their plans, or lack thereof; as well as your own ability — or lack thereof — to help them carry it out.
- Will you be able to help them support the (grand)child financially?
- Do you have space in your house to add a young family?
- Will the broken trust between you and your child last for very long?
- How will you ultimately feel about your grandchild?
Once you’re calmed and collected, go talk to them. Find out what they are doing; what plan — if any — they have and how they are going to deal with the situation.
- Are they going to go through with the pregnancy?
- Are they thinking about terminating the pregnancy (i.e getting an abortion), putting the child up for adoption once he or she is born?
- Do they have their first doctor's appointment set up?
- Will they need Financial help?
- Do they have a living arrangement after the baby is born?
Real talk: when a teenage girl goes through an unplanned pregnancy, she is scared shitless and need as much support as she can get. I don’t mean to be insensitive to your plight, but you are their parent…so, tag, you’re it!
Your job is to help them succeed; just because they are pregnant doesn’t mean your job is done — quite the contrary, this is precisely the case for which you’ve prepared yourself all these years. This, my dear (grand)parent, is where the rubber meets the road. Step up and do your job!
Parting shot
Always be grateful for your kids. Yes, they WILL do things that you may not like or agree with; but they are — and always will be — your babies! You raised them and have loved them…cared for them for years. You just can’t break up that kind of love because of a single mistake — or even a series of them.
This will be the most difficult time in their young lives and they WILL need you; most certainly more than they ever needed themselves or anybody else. So please, get off your high horse, be kind to them, be thankful for them, and help them the best you can.
Hope you’re all well. Stay safe♥️
The painting at the top was created with putting a mix of a bunch of colors on top then spreading it out. I’m really happy how it turned out, to me it looks like bubblegum. It was painted with pink, white, and red acrylic paint and is 6 by 6 inches.
