The Stranger on the Street
Another in a long line of uncomfortable stories
I wrote about my interaction with a stranger in a comments section earlier this week, and it garnered a little bit of attention. So I thought I’d share more of the whole story.
Sometimes, you can catch the slightest glimpse of a stranger and know when you’re about to be bothered.
Such was the case this weekend, as I looked up from under my hat to see how many seconds I had left to cross the street, west to east. As I did, I made brief eye contact with a man crossing north to south. I knew we’d get to the corner at the same time.
Sure enough, he asks me, “so how much do you miss college?”
I removed one AirPod out of respect, pausing my music. My hat had Greek letters on it to represent my sorority. It had matched the outfit I played tennis in earlier that day. In truth, I didn’t miss college at all. I just graduated! I haven’t had time to miss anything outside the people. So then why did I find myself saying,
“I miss it all the time. Although I wish we had a better football team.” Nervous laughter. Failed attempt to put AirPod back in #1. Luckily I saw the entrance to my grocery store, my intended destination ahead.
The man is talking about drinking now. “You can’t drink til 4 am and have hangovers that last for weeks afterward.” First of all, I’ve never had that happen. Second of all, I most certainly could if I felt like it.
I’m at the entrance to the grocery store parking lot now so I stop and move to the door, about to leave. Then he stops too, taking up the middle of the sidewalk. Over the next few minutes, as I make the choice to stay there and seem happy rather than walk away for fear he’d follow me into the store and then follow me home and see where I live, I’m the one who moves out of the way to let other walkers by.
He’s on a rant now. He’s 50. I say my dad’s 50 too. Apparently I can never put my dad in a nursing home, or my mom. Did I know the US is the only country that allows that sort of treatment of parents? It’s unacceptable anywhere else. Cue more nervous laughter from me. “Well, we’ll see if he wants to move to the city then!”
Now I need to be grateful that I’m not in India or Egypt or a child soldier or a slave. I have everything I could possibly want in life. I shouldn’t, couldn’t, possibly want anything more and I need to be more grateful about it. Thank GOD for my situation. I have it so damn good. The next time I see my dad, I better get on my hands and knees and kiss his feet.
Cue so much nervous laughter. Failed attempt to put AirPod back in #5.
Then he motions to the grocery store. “You know who started this? White men. Everything you have is because of white men. So maybe you should be a little more grateful and less angry.”
All I’ve done is fake smiles and laughter for this whole conversation. I’ve given no inclination of being mad. Yeah, I’m wearing Lululemon and a sorority hat. But damn, it was like this stranger was trying to take away the validation of all my own personal accomplishments.
I may have been blessed to attend college on my family’s dime, but I worked extremely hard to get into my dream school and that was all me. I may be lucky to be in a loving, committed relationship, but that was years after an emotionally and verbally abusive one ended.
I wanted this man to shut up minutes ago, but now I’m boiling. And then he says this, out of thin air:
“You know all women hate you, right?”
Now I’m on defense. Is he implying what I think he’s implying? How dare he?
It’s 2019, we are DONE pitting women against each other. Especially by the hands of middle-aged, white men.
“Because they’re jealous. You’re tall, blonde, skinny, beautiful. They hate your guts.”
Nah. You prick. I have incredible female friendships and I’m a good person. I refuse to accept this.
We finally depart right after this. I say “Nice to meet you!” as he walks away. What is actually wrong with me?
His behavior in this conversation appalled me. I love to give strangers the benefit of the doubt, and a friendly neighborhood conversation is always a pleasant surprise.
But I was so defeated after this conversation. And my behavior appalled me even more. Why didn’t I just walk away, ignore him? (I didn’t want him to think I was a selfish, ungrateful b.)
Why didn’t I stand up for myself? (He was clearly set in his ways. It’s not my duty to change people’s core beliefs or share my personal story with strangers.)
Why didn’t I stop smiling? (Again, the whole grateful, unhappy b persona.)
The whole thing infuriated me. What’s wrong with some people? I’ll never know, but thanks for taking the time to relive this awful conversation with me.
(I even left out the part where he asked me what I studied and I said “journalism.” There are no words to describe that eye roll.)
Make it this far? If you did, answer this question in the comments:
How can we change these behaviors and social norms so we don’t feel trapped in situations like these again?
