The Ups and Downs of Ambition

Has your own ambition ever intimidated you? Mine has.

Have you ever had someone tell you that they were intimidated by your ambition?

I have, a few times. I don’t blame them — I sometimes intimidated myself.

I thought I was going to change the world by the time I was 20. Invent some life-changing products, create a nonprofit that would solve homelessness, fix women’s rights and level every playing field. I was going to be the President of the United States, a mother, a nonprofit volunteer, a comedian, a talk show host, and a writer. All at the same time. I could picture it in my mind.

Then I went into college and that ambition took a hit. Suddenly I was surrounded by people who didn’t just think they were going to change the world; some of them already were. My friends in engineering and STEM and design had physical representations of projects that could make a real difference. I was writing 800 words about trees.

My ambition has been on an up and downswing ever since.

As an avid reader, I’ll occasionally read a book that lights me on fire. Here’s a list of a few I’ve read recently that did so:

1. From the Corner of the Oval
2. Who Thought This Was a Good Idea?
3. Designing Your Life

For a few days, I’m the most productive I have ever been. Waking up at the crack of dawn, working out each morning, crystal clean apartment, articles on this platform every day. And then, one morning, my eyes droop for a few minutes longer, I wake up and the dishes are still in the sink, I think skipping one workout is okay.

And then poof. It’s gone.

Suddenly I’m content with my reality. It’s not that I’m unhappy. It’s just that I always thought I could — I would — do more. I’m more upset about accepting my mediocrity than I am about being mediocre.

Please tell me you’ve been there with me.

My most recent ambitious string struck me today. I could feel it, I just had it inside me. It all started with a meeting with a new client of ours. We were conducting our personal interview, to get to know him better. And I was just blown away. He had like 11 jobs at the same time as I wanted to. He was flying at least 6 times a month like I wanted to. He ran a nonprofit, cared deeply about his family, held the same political beliefs I did. I walked out of that meeting feeling more energized than I could ever remember.

Since then, I have been on a roll all day, let me tell you. And I hate hate hate that there is a little voice in the back, counting down the time until this uphill ends.

Now I’m writing this, wondering what I can do to make this time different. To turn this ambition into actual, tangible results. To keep the flame of this fire burning.

I suppose I’m not naive enough to think I’m going to change the world at 22 anymore. I also suppose that’s not a bad thing. That said, I can change my world slowly but surely with actionable steps and a plan. And that feels like a good place to start.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think ambition should be some big up and down chart. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It should be a rising curve that slowly morphs into something else entirely: reality.

So this time around, I’m not going to let my ambition intimidate me. It’s not a competition with myself. We’re on the same team, me and Ms. Ambition. We’re going places.

And man, big thank you to that client for making my whole week. I hope I can turn this around into awesome work for him and his company.