Three (3) ways to LOVE YOURSELF in 2020
And practicing self-love to access the next level of your life.
Self-love. For some people an unexplored frontier, for many others, a concept that conjures images of tree-hugging hippies and cheesy self-help books.
7 Billion of us on this planet, and only a few seem to master it!
Its a day after Christmas and I am sitting on a peaceful verandah in the middle of the Indonesian jungle, in Ubud (Bali).
I am here to search, to reenergize and to heal.
I am here to practice self-love through the discovery of
This article has been a long time coming and below, we take a look at some of the things that you can do to better love yourself in 2020.
1. Discipline your Diet
Your diet isn’t just what you eat. It’s what you watch, what you think, what you say, who you hang around. Your diet is the choice you make every single day to become the better or worst version of your own self.
Everything that exists and co-exists in this world is made up of energy.
What you think, feel, say, and do also offer energetic vibration in the form of energy-release (emanation).
The key to a “healthy diet” is to keep choosing thoughts, emotions, words, foods, and routines that fulfill and enrich your inner-self through the emanation of higher vibrations.
So you see, true health isn’t just about what you eat and how you exercise.
True health is about you choosing to offer a high vibration.
Learn to listen to yourself, your body and your heart.
Listening to yourself can mean two things. Firstly, paying attention to how you internally talk to yourself is crucial for learning to cultivate an intimate feeling of self-love.
Are you proud of you and the person you are? Why are you or why are you not? Are there things you need to forgive yourself for? Healing is about the reckoning, rumbling and revolution — something I believe is depicted exceptionally well by this quote I came across on the internet
“I understood. Then went to war with myself to find me”
Often, we are much harsher to ourselves than we would be to others, or than how we would expect others to treat us. So, to replace this harsh inner voice with a kinder one is already a win — take a step toward quietly subduing it — and actively try to soften it.
Finally, you can try to rephrase the observations that you may have initially formulated quite harshly in the words of a kinder, more forgiving person. Or, you could try writing a letter to yourself from the perspective of the kind, compassionate friend that you have been to others, or from the perspective of a compassionate friend.
A second reason why listening to yourself is important is that, during times of emotional distress, asking yourself the question “What do I need?” — and listening mindfully to the answer — can prove invaluable.
As Prof Neff points out in many of her journals: “Simply asking the question is itself an exercise in self-compassion — the cultivation of good will toward oneself.”
But it’s also worth bearing in mind that “What do I need?” “Sometimes […] means that an emotionally overwhelmed individual should stop meditating altogether and respond behaviourally to his or her emotional distress, for example, by drinking a cup of tea, going to the gym, catching up with the person you miss or petting the dog.”
2. Practice Meditation and Mindfulness
Mindfulness can help us to relearn, as adults, to take pleasure in fundamental, everyday things that we used to enjoy spontaneously as children. Reacquainting ourselves with pleasure in this way is an essential component of self-kindness.
Researchers use practices such as the “Sense and Savor Walk” and “Mindful Eating” — aimed at taking pleasure in the environment and food, respectively — to increase self-compassion and empathy. These techniques are intimately linked with the habit of listening to yourself and the needs of your body, mind, and spirit.
Perhaps because meditation can help us to get back in touch with our own bodies and regain a sense of pleasure from it (like a little holiday for the mind), the practice also helps to quell the voice of our inner judgment and boost feelings of self-love.
So, what’s the benefit of practicing meditation to explore devotion, gratitude, generosity, moral virtue?
“Freedom from remorse”.
“And of freedom from remorse?”
“Joy”
“And of joy?”
“Rapture” (better satisfaction)
“And of rapture?”
“Tranquillity”
“And of tranquillity?”
“Happiness”
“And of happiness?”
“Concentration”
“And of concentration?”
“Vision and knowledge according to reality.”
“And of the vision and knowledge according to reality?”
“Turning away, silencing the noise and detachment”
“And of turning away, silencing the noise and detachment?”
“The vision and knowledge with regard to Deliverance”
Source — Unknown -
Meditation allows you to drop beneath the mind chatter and to connect with deeper parts of yourself.
You may think that you can’t meditate.
You may think that you have to sit cross-legged on a pillow and hold your hands a particular way to be able to mediate correctly.
That is not true.
You can meditate anywhere. Watching the waves roll in at the beach while taking a beautiful morning walk, this is meditation. Or while you sit and draw on a notepad — this is also meditation.
It’s the time we take to notice that you are present that we call meditation. And the practice of meditation will have a calming effect on your entire life. It is a practice and in time you’ll come to notice the transformation within yourself. Be patient and just see where the mediation leads you.
3. Abandon the idea of Perfectionism
In the digital era of Instagram filters, photoshop, fake entrepreneurship and online passive income; young people are seemingly internalizing a pre-eminent contemporary myth that things, including themselves, should be perfect.
Perfection is an impossible goal, and the sooner you realize this the better. People who become preoccupied with it inevitably set themselves up for failure and psychological warfare.
They become obsessed with winning, perfect relationships, the constant validation of others and demonstrating worth through flawless performance after flawless performance. They contemplate chronically about their imperfections, and experience anxiety, shame and guilt about their perceived inadequacies and unworthiness.
This is not a healthy way of living!
what is realistically achievable and require guidance on setting appropriate goals. Advocate for perseverance, flexibility, and diligence. These are desirable qualities and do not come with the fears that follow the pursuit of perfection. Meticulousness can sometimes be required, and this is fine, but paralysis will follow if the goal is perfection and not a more reasonable goal.
Its now time to recognise that that the net-score of ‘DONE’ is always better than ‘PERFECT’!
Not only does striving for perfection hinder success for perfectionists, but so too does their tendency to postpone difficult decisions, tasks, and conversations. When “failure” is shattering, moving forward can feel impossible.
Perfectionists often tend to procrastinate because they cannot fail on things that they haven’t started.
Does this sound like you?
If so the question you should ask yourself is
“Am I a perfectionist? Or am I just insecure?”
Perfectionism is a huge vulnerability (and not the good kind) in all aspects of life. It can paralyse people and lead them astray.
So what can we do to move away from perfectionism and abandon this absolute idea-driven internal turmoil and insecurities?
First off, acknowledge that it’s bad for you (the reckoning); beating yourself up over every little error gradually chips away at your sense of self-worth and makes you less happy. And you deserve better than this.
In the words of Kristin Neff — a professor of human development at the University of Texas at Austin — “Love, connection, and acceptance are your birthright.”
In other words, happiness is something that you’re entitled to, not something that you need to earn. Even the United Nations adopted a resolution recognising that the “pursuit of happiness is a fundamental human goal.”
Second, you must resist the temptation to judge yourself (and others) and accept the evolutionary path and each and everyone one of us is on.
When you’ve spent years cultivating perfection; this inner bully will develop an unconscious reflex to judge and put yourself down for every minor thing, no matter how ridiculous or absurd.
From missing a deadline to emotionally snapping at your partner, to dropping a coffee mug on the floor — perfectionists are wired to give themselves a hard time over the most unexpected things — so criticizing yourself for criticizing yourself is not uncommon.
Thirdly, you can start cultivating some much-needed self-compassion in the form of empathy. You might think that self-love is a case of “you either have it or you don’t,” but luckily, psychologists insist that it is something you can learn, a skill you acquire through practice, addressing traumas, trial, and error.
Conclusion
The truth is…
Before you can receive love and respect from others, you need to love and respect yourself.
When you make decisions out of guilt, shame and a need to please or to avoid conflict, you end up overvaluing the needs of others and disregard yourself. This conveys — to yourself and those around you — that you accept very little. That doesn’t feel very good, does it?
Some people equate self-love with selfishness. But that is absolutely not true.
Self-love is the gift that keeps on giving!
Do you say yes when you really mean no? Do you break promises to yourself or neglect your self-care? Is it hard to put yourself first?
If so, it’s now 2020, and the perfect time to give yourself the most important gift of all: self-love.
Your inner world creates your outer world, what is within is without.
Embrace self-love as your new secret weapon to living a fulfilling life.
All I’m trying to do…
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