To Everything Outside My Power
When I left home, after my studies, I lived alone in a bachelor-pad which hardly felt lonely because I always occupied myself. I developed a habit of preparing my lunch the night before so that I would have more time in the mornings to ready myself for work.
This particular memory brings me back to a night like any other. I stood waiting for my veggies to finish up cooking. I gave in to my habit of tasting my lunch to reassure myself of my cooking skills, and I packed it away. I got into bed, readied myself to get some good rest, and soon, everything was blank.
I opened my eyes to a dark room thinking that my nights don’t usually feel so short, and a terribly hot feeling in my chest. I ran to the bathroom and threw up everything my stomach refused to accept.
After my first deep breath, I feared that I had food poisoning. I felt terrible, cold, and tired sitting on my bathroom floor. I wasn’t sure if I needed to go to the hospital, but I chose to give myself some time before deciding.
As I struggled back to my feet, I began to worry about the client’s demands I was scheduled to deliver that day and the gym session I had to get through…
How was I going to get through this day?
I got back into bed, hoping to wake up from another one of my weird dreams. But, a lingering headache with a pulsating presence, stayed to disappoint me. I got up feeling worse that morning, unable to keep my fears nor my breakfast down.
I was slowly losing control of my thoughts, so I skipped to the part of my morning rituals which centered my thoughts. Having proved its purpose well, I opened my eyes with a game plan and a mind convinced that I was not going to give up that easy.
My first goal was getting through the clients work
I learned enough to know that I needed only a few solid hours to get through the client’s work. I switched on my phone and messaged my Team Leader telling him that I was going to leave early because I was not feeling good. I usually prefer to keep this to myself, but for my plan to work, I could not hold this back. After some convincing, he agreed. I then dressed, called a cab, and got to the client’s site.
These few hours were soul-crushing
My fears stayed with me and there were many moments where I felt I had made a terrible choice. I felt foolish, but I couldn’t turn back now. I took small sips of water and spoke to myself throughout this time. After checking my work for the fourth time, my paranoia was satisfied. I shook the client’s hand and called a cab to get me home. Soon, I was in bed giving my faith to a headache pill, and my attention to a long-awaited sleep.
Was I going to get in a workout?
I would have loved to sleep until the next morning, but my internal clock woke me up a few hours later. I felt lighter which eased my fears and gave me hope that I could get through a quick workout. I needed to eat something for this to work. I noticed that my body accepted small amounts of liquid — so, over short periods of time, I had small portions of drinkable cereal. It felt different, but it brought me the energy I needed.
I made it to the gym
Throughout the workout, I had to be extra aware of myself just to make sure I wasn’t worsening my situation. I was very careful with my heart-rate and breathing. Sticking with this helped me get through my workout. On my way out, I got a smoothie and finished the evening with my lunch preparation.
As I got into bed, I looked back on the day: I made some risky choices, yes, but they worked out. I got through this day even though I had strong reasons not to. For a very short time, I was more convinced than ever that I could succeed in this world. Ever since I have found no better way of falling asleep.
This little experience taught me many valuable lessons that helped me face the uncertainty of life. The first one being,
I Cannot Control Everything Outside My Power
I have little control over many things in my life. There are too many to name, but I am sure that you understand me well. Through my many mistakes, I have learned that whatever happens is not as important as my response.
And regardless of how I am influenced by everything outside my power, I will ensure that my response aligns with the virtues I strive to uphold. This is the only power I will ever be responsible for. I am the only person within my control.
“The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That’s the day we truly grow up.” — John C. Maxwell
Second,
I Have A Responsibility For My Reaction
I had the option of allowing my situation to serve as a reason to be rude to the client or the people in the gym, but how would this remedy my situation? I had to take responsibility for myself in this moment, otherwise, I would have been to others what the food poisoning was to me.
This would be an irresponsible use of my influence. So, instead of blaming, I accepted it. I couldn’t change how my body felt, but if I was still able to stick to my discipline on one of the worst days of my life, and save others from my sufferings, that is all I need to know that I can succeed in this world.
“When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways — either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength. ” — Dalai Lama
Life is such that we each must experience our fair share of it. The good and the bad will happen to each person — that is the uncertainty of life. The reaction to this uncertainty is the only choice we must make. From my experience, to make a choice that you are proud of, you must let go of what you cannot control, and focus on what you can.
Yes, the violent gusts of wind may sway your braches back and forth, but your roots will tame this fury. Remember this well because regardless of how you are swayed, you are more than branches and leaves…you are a piece of nature.
“I know that heaven is full of music
I know God listens to my heart beat on his iPod
It reminds him that we still got work to do.” — Rudy Francisco
Invest In Your Existence, Kind Reader.
