Want Joy? Even in Adversity?
3 ways to experience more joy in your life…even when your life sucks.
Yeah, yeah…we’ve all read the pithy little sayings. The ones printed on coffee mugs or calendars. Snappy little sayings like:
“Joy is a journey. Not a destination.”
“Joy is not in things, it’s in us.”
“Choose joy.”
We read these and they inspire us. They cause us to pause and think, I can do that. Or at the very least…I want to do that or I wish I could do that.
But choosing joy is not as easy as you think…or is it?
For years…I have been on a quest. I was chasing something. Something that was just out of reach. Just beyond. Something I couldn’t quite grasp. I knew it was there …maybe… just around the next corner.
I was chasing JOY. We used to sing this little song when I was young…some of the lyrics went like this:
“I’ve got the Joy Joy Joy Joy down in my heart…Where?
Down in my heart. Down in my heart.
I’ve got the Joy Joy Joy Joy down in my heart…Where?
Down in my heart to stay.”
Little did I know…I would still be asking that same question many years later. “I’ve got the Joy Joy Joy…WHERE?”
I thought I was alone in this quest. I thought there was something wrong with me.
Until I picked up a certain book and read the first paragraph. Then…it dawned on me…other people are on this quest too. Here’s what I read.
“ I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. Then the married person, the person I’d become when we have kids. For twenty years, literally, I have been waiting to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin.
And through all that waiting, here I am. My life passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin.’ -Shauna Niequist (Cold Tangerines)
And I added…* When I will finally find JOY.
See…I was happy. I had a happy childhood. I spent most of my days outside playing games beside a bubbling brook. I had a loving family…great friends. But always had this “pang” inside of me. This pull towards the thought that Joy was always running ahead of me…and I couldn’t catch it.
But there’s a difference between Happiness and Joy.
Happiness is a pleasant feeling. It’s merriment. Cheeriness. Happiness is a feeling that comes and goes. It’s usually based on circumstances. When life is good…we feel happy. But when life turns sour…we don’t feel so happy anymore.
Joy is different. Joy is deeper. It’s much more powerful. It’s usually associated with more than things…or circumstances. It’s a feeling that seeps through us when we experience something that is meaningful or that has a greater purpose than just ourselves.
Things like a marriage. A union of two people under God. Or the birth of a child…entering into this world and taking that first breath. Doing something for someone who can’t return the favor. These things produce a deeper reaction than happiness. These things can give rise to JOY.
This is true…but…how do we get that fleeting feeling of happiness to become a steady brace of joy? Something, that no matter our circumstances, we can experience? Because let’s face it…life can be rough sometimes.
We can be confronted with some things that fall short of the ideal. Sickness, pain, loss of a job, divorce. There are so many things that can slam us up against the wall and we are left scrambling around, trying to scrape up some joy from…somewhere.
What can we do? How can we even begin to see a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel?
The first thing we can do is:
1. LOOK OUTSIDE
What I mean by this is to take our focus off of ourselves and look around us. Outside of ourselves and our own little world. Look at others. At what is actually working. At what is positive, not negative. Change the focus.
Remember Dr.Suess’ book, OH, THE THINGS YOU CAN THINK?
The most popular lines from that book are:
Aren’t we great at thinking low? I don’t know about you…but I am. I can take the most positive thing and pick it apart…oh, it wasn’t that good…it would’ve been better if….
Your kid brings home his Math mark…he gets a 97% and you say… “Where’s the other 3 marks?”
We are so great at thinking low. There are many things in life over which we have no choice. But we can choose what we think about it.
Proverbs 4:23 says:
“ Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.”
Thoughts have consequences. Oh, Sheryl, come on. I’m not saying the negative thoughts out loud…I’m just thinking them. No one really hears them. How can that have a consequence?
Ok…let’s say you were laying in bed. Thinking about work. You have a ton of projects due, and the deadlines are looming. You toss and turn, toss and turn. Thinking things like… how am I ever gonna do this? Why’d I said yes to this? I’m not organized enough. I’m a procrastinator. I’m no good at this job. I’m gonna get fired. ‘Know it all Nancy’ will get promoted. I’ll be out on the street living in a cardboard box before you know it.
Or students…you think things like…I’m such a loser. No one at school really likes me…I feel awkward and lonely and no wonder… I’m stupid. I’m not funny. I couldn’t even pass my Math quiz. Why do I even bother? I’m just gonna drop out…no one would notice.
The consequences of thoughts like these are anxiety, stress, discomfort…loss of sleep, irritability, sadness, even depression.
Do you want to guarantee misery in adversity? Then wallow in self-pity. Think only about things that bring you the most anxiety. Ponder the things that fill you with stress. Raise your blood pressure by focusing on all the bad things in your life.
Healing from things like anxiety or self-pity requires healthy thinking.
Do you want to be joyful when your life gets tough? One way to do that is to have a positive focus. Look around. See the things in your life that are working. That is valuable. Focus on the positive events that are happening around you. It may sound simple…and I’m sure you’ve heard the expression…Count Your Blessings.
2. LOOK UP
Remember, even though our circumstances may change from good to bad, God doesn’t change. God is still God. The God who had been with you when your life was going great…is still that same God. God doesn’t change even when our circumstances do. Joy is not based on circumstances. That’s an outlook that produces genuine Joy. We have to make a conscious decision to look up. To focus our attention on the One who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8–9
This is a hard one. The first one…looking around to see what’s good in our lives…we can probably do that. We can even get great Joy out of that…but this one…looking up…when our life is a mess…when we get fired…when we have to claim bankruptcy…when we’re handed divorce papers…when our kid screams at us and yells, I hate you!…when we find a lump …when the cops show up at our door…with the worst news imaginable…when we stare blankly at the doctor who is still talking but all we heard was the word ‘terminal.’
How do I look up then? How do I say …yes…I can experience JOY…even through this?
Because the same God who was with you before your circumstance changed…is the same God who is here with you now. His promises are the same.
When we look up…we can rejoice in God. He is our anchor…He doesn’t change even when our circumstances do.
3. LOOK AHEAD
Anticipate your future. Think about the ways you can be a positive influence and power in other people’s lives. How you can help shape the next generation. How God can use what you’re going through to encourage someone else who is going through some stuff too! Nothing we experience is in vain.
You know…through our suffering. Our adversity…when God seems to be silent…when we feel what we’re going through is pointless. When it seems all hope is lost…. when we’re discouraged…God is at work. Adversity is used to change us…grow us.
It’s like that saying…no rain…no flowers.
God uses adversity to produce strength, character, perseverance, endurance and hope.
Look, I’m not saying it’s easy. No no. It’s not easy. It’s damn hard. Some of you are carrying some heavy burdens. And it’s all you can do to put one foot in front of the other. You KNOW adversity! In fact, she seems to have pulled up a chair and taken a seat at your table!
Genuine Joy…takes work. It takes practice. It’s a mindset. It’s a choice…sometimes the hardest choice. That has to be made day after day after stinkin’ day.
It would be easier… to say ‘woe is me…why is this happening to me? Forget this! I didn’t sign up for this!’ Throw your hands up…walk away from your faith.
Instead…choose Joy! Now!
So stay on the quest…instead of just thinking joy will come when you’re out of school and you’re an adult…a spouse….a parent….a grandparent….
Instead of hoping to find Joy when you’re smarter, older or thinner. Or when you have the perfect job or make enough money….
Instead of just hoping we’ll experience JOY when the hard time we’re going through passes…the rough patch we’re in clears up…or the bad news from the doctor changes…we need to look for it now. We can choose it now.
Stay the course…stay on the Quest. If we, LOOK AROUND…LOOK UP AND LOOK AHEAD…even in the smack dab middle of our adversity…we’ll be able to find it…to see it…to feel it… JOY… GENUINE JOY.
P.S. Everyone brings Joy to our day. Some when they enter. Others when they leave! :)
P.P.S. “You know it’s a good day if you didn’t hit or bite anyone.” Nathan, age 4
