What It’s Like To Be 34 And Living With Parents
It isn’t heaven nor hell on earth
My parents are almost 70 years old. Both of them were born outside of Manila.
When they were starting our family, they relocated to Manila with my brothers who were still very young then. It was not a comfortable life for them but they did what they needed to do.
Papa worked overseas and was away from home most of my childhood. He did it for the money.
Just like every Overseas Filipino Worker more commonly known as OFW, he did it out of love for us. To send us to good schools, to see us graduate from college and get good jobs later on.
Mama took care of me and my 2 older brothers all by herself. She woke up every morning at 4 AM to prepare our breakfast, dress us up for school, wash cook, and send us off. Our time away was her time for household chores. I couldn’t imagine how she did it.
They could be annoying, I have to admit. Being at their age makes their communication pattern so different from mine. They tend to repeat a lot of the things they say, and sometimes they just don’t listen even if they know that what they are doing is not right for their health and well-being. Like eating really salty and fatty food.
I’ve been living with them for 10 months.
There are advantages to living at home.
The food is so much better.
Aside from eating home-cooked Filipino meals every single day, I feel very fortunate especially during this time of pandemic that we have a spacious house, good health, and plants to care for. The small things that I was taking for granted before became magnified.
Being with our dogs simply makes life better.
Our dogs live with my parents, so now I am living with our dogs too. They are a joy to live with. Without any effort, they made this quarantine period bearable.
The tables have turned. I’ve become their guardian.
Something that my elder siblings are probably happy about is that I am able to see how healthy or unhealthy they are on a daily basis. I see how they eat and sleep, I know when they go out and where they go. I get to remind them to do this and that if necessary. I get to drive them to the store and do errands for them. I get to be there for them.
Saving money is easier and faster.
One of the best things about living at home: zero rent and fewer bills to pay. Supporting my parents financially is something I’ve always done since I started working so this isn’t anything new. Because I let go of my apartment in the bigger city, I am able to give more to them and save more for myself.
It isn’t a bed of roses.
There were many times when I wanted so badly to go back to the bigger city and stay there by myself. There are many advantages and benefits to living alone or with one roommate but that’s for another article.
There are things that I had to get used to while living with my parents.
First, living with people and being around them all the time. I’ve been used to living with roommates who have working hours just like me. I always get time alone.
Second, not having enough time alone and deliberately making that time so I can focus on personal projects.
The worst thing I have to deal with is the arguments. There are times in a week when my parents fight about petty things. I have thought of leaving home again and looking for a new place to stay.
I was also sort of forced to stay here because of the pandemic and traveling while working remotely is just not possible right now.
If you live with your parents, my only advice is this: try your best not to make this your permanent situation. Let this be a time to transition for something bigger when you are, once again, able to go out and make choices.
We gain independence and maturity by being on our own, going through unbelievably tough times, and learning from failure. It’s hard to do this if your parents see everything you’re doing and have the authority — little or big — over your decisions.
How do we know we are ‘adulting’ correctly? Here’s what Mark Manson says about it in the book Everything Is F*cked:
“Becoming an adult is therefore developing the ability to do what is right for the simple reason that it is right.”
This article might be about living at home, but moving out and being independent is still the best way to grow.
I will be moving out of the country next year and I know that this is where I should be right now.
Even if it’s embarrassing and laughable to some cultures, living with my parents is not something I am ashamed of. I know that I am crossing over to another chapter of my life and staying with them is the best thing to do.
It’s all about making the most out of my time with them, being productive with work and personal projects, and saving for future plans.
It’s about having a closer relationship with people who matter the most especially during these difficult and unpredictable times. It’s all about perspective.
No matter how crazy our family could get, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
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