Why #Adulting is Overrated Because Nobody is Actually Doing It
Adulting
Ah yes, you either love it or you hate it.
But, I’m gonna guess that you hate it.
Why? Because it involves things like:
- paying bills
- working long hours
- and doing things you don’t want to do
The hashtag adulting phrase usually follows sentences full of disgust, sighs, and frustrations about life’s responsibilities that are thrown one way.
But is all adulting equal?
Meaning is adulting monolithic?
I’m mean what is adulting and who defines it?
Is there a standard of what adulting looks like? And if you fall short of this then are you #childing?
Who awards the trophy and passing grade to what adulting looks like?
Are there certain societal grade marks that measure if one has passed the test of true adulting?
If so what are they?
Well if I had to take a stab at it, for which I actually want to do in real life, no really, I want to destroy this whole societal pressure to adult in the way it wants me to.
Not that I don’t desire to work, earn a living and take care of myself and my family, but to the degree to which it (meaning society) requires and demands of me.
Yeah, I want to destroy it.
Anyways, if I had to take a stab at it I would say the top five things that show or prove that a person is adulting is:
#1 - that you work and keep a full-time job (with benefits I might add)
#2 - that you own your own home or rent without any type of financial assistance
#3 - that you pay all your bills (on time I might add and without assistance)
#4 - that you feed yourself without depending on others
#5 - that you contribute back to society in some form or fashion (usually through monetary contributions)
Whew! I mean I’m exhausted just listing those things out!
This list feels like living the ultimate superhero lifestyle.
I’m not saying that it can’t be done or that people aren’t and haven’t been doing it, but it’s quite a demanding list that requires a relentless and long-suffering day in and day out pursuit.
A pursuit for which many, like myself, are finding it very difficult to accomplish.
The thought then becomes: “well since I haven’t done any number of these things and I’m struggling in a few areas then I guess I’m not a successful adult…I guess I’m not adulting.”
Now before I get myself into a slippery slope here, I want to clarify that I’m in no way supporting individuals who are not trying.
Meaning, their internal motive is to mooch off people and use individuals to do any and everything because they’re lazy. They don’t intend on working at all or being responsible for their actions (or lack thereof).
Nope, this is not a ploy for me to be the poster child of these types of individuals.
Who I’m referring to, however, are the people who have given some level of effort in the life responsibility process but have (and are) finding it incredibly challenging to progress.
Much of this drive to do well, I believe, stems from an expectation and sometimes a competition to “outdo” the generation before you. I think a large part of this plays into the adulting mantra that quite often stresses people out to the max.
Many people who fall into this path might think: “if I’m not exceeding or at least matching what my parents did then I’m a failing adult.”
For people who don’t have a parental comparative, more than likely the comparison then happens at the peer level.
A person may think to themselves: “if I’m not tracking at being able to produce the outputs of what I see people my age doing then who am I? I guess I’m not fully adulting.”
As society continues to speed up at a rapid pace of inflation so does the task of keeping up with our fellow person in economic status, material accomplishment and overall winning. With this accelerated pace only getting faster, it is easy for one to truly feel like they can never reach the pinnacle point of fully actualizing adulthood.
Because the bar is just too high.
With more and more disloyalty in the marketplace and uncertainty of long term and sustainable wage-earning, a large number of people may feel like ducks. You know above water they look like they are cruisin’ along, but underneath the surface, their legs are paddling away with an intense level of velocity.
So then whose really doin it?
Are we all putting this imaginary cultural pressure on each other to #adult when in actuality no one is?
It seems as though the individuals who say that they are adulting have been able to overcome a financial hurdle that most others have not.
It is often these individuals play roles as financial contributors to those who are struggling in some way. This dynamic is largely displayed in a parent to child or previous generation to next-generation dynamic.
What I’ve seen in this element is that the financial contributors often shake their heads in disdain towards the individuals who they are financially assisting. Looking down on them as though they are not capable of human beings.
These individuals often use their financial prowess as a means of identity and elevation over others as though they have figured it out and don’t understand why others can’t do what they have done.
Now, I am by no means taking away these individuals' hard work and sacrifice that they quite possibly have endured. All I’m saying is that oftentimes the grace for others is lacking from these individuals for those who have not been afforded the same level of financial success. And they are often looked down upon and patronized because of this.
Now as I mentioned earlier, with adulting comes the ever so popular notion of settling down and buying a home.
One day, as my dad and I drove around town, we rode past a ton of residential areas with large houses for which my father said to me: “gosh why do people keep building these huge homes?”
I then replied to him, “well pops I actually think that will start to end at my generation and below because we are finding out that’s just not the type of lifestyle we want to live.”
I further relayed to him that with movements such as the tiny house, minimalism and shared-living space the idea of homeownership for many is fading away. This is not to say that people my age and below are not buying homes, but the huge 4–5+ bedrooms that drink $600 of utility bills is just not something that is appealing or realistic to people my age.
I mean who can afford it even if it is appealing?
I sometimes wonder who are the people moving into these 400k+ builds and wonder if they are a part of a new underground mafia or something that I have not been privy to.
Anyways, the mark of true adulting often comes with the official stamp of homeownership. It shows that you are stable and mature enough to enter into a long term commitment.
Right?
Well for some, they would disagree with this definition. Because as we know, some homeowners are not mature at all and are not ready to fulfill a long term commitment by any means.
Speaking of maturity, can one fulfill that previously mentioned top 5 list and be considered an adult yet lack the emotional and mental maturity of being an adult?
How many people are #adulting in the physical sense, yet #childing in the behavioral sense?
Now THAT is the true question.
Why do we put so much emphasis and weight on whether or not someone is able to produce external outcomes yet overlook and give passes to people who have yet to grow up behaviorally?
I guess we say “well as long as they are not asking me for money then they can act and behave however they want to. But when they start affecting my wallet then all of sudden we have a problem.”
Goodness! Everything boils down to money.
C.R.E.A.M.
Cash rules everything around me.
So as I land, I want to re-ask the question.
What does adulting look like to you?
I encourage all who are struggling in the area of feeling like you don’t measure up to societies or even your friend's and family's remarks about why you are not #adulting to take a moment and have the internal conversation with yourself first.
Ask yourself:
- who am I living for?
- to what standard am I comparing my life to and why?
- how has my life’s journey developed thus far and to what degree can I be grateful for the many ways in which I have grown?
- what areas in my life are things that I am working on growing but need patience and grace for my self if they are not immediately coming to pass?
- finally, if I am truly trying how can I be okay with where I’m at and not feel as those because I am not “there” that I am not validated as an adult?
Truly ask yourself these questions and give yourself the freedom to receive and explore its answers.
