Why I Have an Accountability Partner
And why it’s not enough to get everything I want done
In the middle of August, my college best friend sent me an article titled “How to Increase Your Motivation in 2 Minutes per Day.”
I needed it. It had been weeks since I had felt motivated — my friend lived in Boston and my best girlfriends had just left me in Chicago, alone, to move to New York City and San Francisco. We couldn’t be more spread out across the country.
Even though I’d been working for over a year, the move from graduation to real-life shocked me. I was (am) struggling to budget; I had to stop my improv and writing lessons because they were too expensive. My work wasn’t fulfilling me personally. I’d just returned from a 10 day, relaxing family vacation and had to readjust to my lifestyle and schedule.
I was stressed about everything, and so I did nothing.
I did nothing so well that it took me 60 hours to respond to my friend.
The article had said it would take 5 minutes to read. And it took me 60 hours to get to it. No wonder I haven’t sat down to write a Medium article in far too long.
If you haven’t clicked on the article yet, it’s about having an accountability partner. I’d heard the term before, but why did I need one of those? I’m 22. I am filled with ambition (right?). I can hold myself accountable, thankyouverymuch.
I glanced over from my bed where I was watching Netflix and eating Golden Oreos and saw the dishes piled up in my sink.
Okay, so maybe I can’t.
I read the article and I loved the idea. What was the harm in trying it? I asked my friend if he wanted to try being accountability partners. Not only would it maybe help me get stuff done, but it would be a reason to have to text him, every single day.
In the mornings or evenings, we’ll send each other 3 things we want to accomplish that day. At the end of the day, we follow up with a report on how we did and our 3 things for the next day. And on Sunday nights, we send 3 additional, larger things we want to accomplish over the course of the week.
That’s what the author, Benjamin Hardy, told us to do. I’m so glad we listened — he does have a Ph.D. after all.
Since that day almost exactly a month ago, I’ve only accomplished 0/3 once. It didn’t feel good. The best thing is that these aren’t wild tasks — some days it’s getting rid of that pile of dishes in the sink, some days it packing a lunch for work, some days it’s writing an article for Medium (checkmark for today, finally).
But the worst thing is the same as the best; these aren’t wild tasks. It’s not hard for me to read 50 pages; I have a decently long commute. And I can get my butt to the gym if I write it down — I have my friend counting on me and that’s awesome. I do feel so good on the days I hit 3/3.
So why have I still been struggling to accomplish the bigger things I want to?
- I haven’t touched the book I’m trying to write in 2.5 weeks.
- I am nowhere close to doing a pull-up.
- My budget is still hot, flaming garbage.
- I’m off track to hit my 52 books in 52 weeks.
- I have no routine outside of work, sleep.
- I wake up every morning at the time my high schools classes used to start.
What am I supposed to do about all of that? Where has the ambition for these bigger things gone?
I’ve been thinking about this especially, today.
What I’ve decided is that these two things are unrelated. Having an accountability partner has been fantastic for me. I hope we continue it, and I hope we start to push each other and encourage each other on the days we hit 1 or 2 out of 3.
And, in addition to my accountability partner, I need to pick a few areas of focus for at least the next quarter. Things that my free time goes to, rather than Netflix and Golden Oreos. My accountability partner helps me read those books and get those dishes done. The laundry gets washed at 10 pm some nights because I told my accountability partner I would — he’s relying on me and I don’t like to let him down.
But I can write “work on my book” and “go to the gym” any day of the week. How is that measurable?
I could brainstorm character names for 2 minutes and say “technically, I worked on it.”
I could go to the gym and swim two laps, then sit in the hot tub and say “technically, I went to the gym.”
Those things can’t be about putting a checkmark in a text — I’m the only one who knows if I put 100% of my effort into it. I need to own these three areas.
I’ve chosen reading, writing, and fitness as my three areas for this quarter if you couldn’t tell. Hopefully, I can get Medium to act as an accountability partner, too. If all goes according to plan, you should see me on here more often.
So, if you followed me on this fun train of thought, I ask you this. Message me if I haven’t been on here recently and ask where I am. Leave comments with related articles that inspired you to get motivated and accomplish more than a checklist. Ask me questions below that will lead to prompts and future articles. I promise to engage with you too.
In these first few months of the real world, I’ve struggled. I’m finding who I am and realizing that’s not as easy as it once felt in college. If I want to make a change, that’s up to me. I’m feeling well on my way.
See you soon.
Make it this far? If you did, answer this question in the comments:
What are your three areas of focus for this quarter?
