-Why I’m Becoming Comfortable with Being Alone the Older I Get
What about you?
Alone vs. Loneliness
There’s a saying that there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. I’m not sure how much I agree with the nuance of this euphemism but in theory I suppose there is something to it.
Growing up, I was told by my parents that when I was a baby and young child that I was the kid that was okay being left to myself. I didn’t need much fanfare, if any, as I found ways to keep my mind occupied.
As I matriculated through life, I began to discover more of this trait evident in what I came to know as personality tests.
Understanding how I best refresh, my preference towards friendships, and even how I process information certainly has shown that I lean towards the introverted characteristic.
Despite these attributes that I’ve come to discover, I still don’t reward them fully as the ultimate reason for my isolated existence.
It’s a complex thing
You see, on the one hand, I enjoy and often hand-craft opportunities to distance myself from the noise and demands of people. Yet, consequently, I strive fervently to cultivate deep relationships with a myriad of people.
Those attempts, unfortunately, have not and continue to fall short of any longevity and often fall short of the deep intimacy that I crave.
Over the years I’ve developed from an ISTJ to an INFJ; which I’m told is the rarest personality trait. Perhaps, there is something to be said about this being one of the causes of my shrinking sphere of connectivity with people.
But, perhaps not.
The Growing Loneliness Crisis
I mean one of the reasons I can’t fully embrace this cloud of loneliness is that even in my desire for more connectivity with like-minded people I still realize that I am not alone in how my life is developing.
What I mean by this is, not only do I continuously hear news articles and reports of a growing loneliness crisis - I’ve personally spoken to several people of various personality types that would attest to this same status quo.
It’s become a growing problem particularly in this generation. And as things continue to progress the way that they are, I don’t see where this issue will reverse in the manner that is overwhelmingly favorable.
Even with the best intentions and efforts it has become incredibly difficult to connect with people on an emotive, spiritual, and intellectually intimate level that is consistently life-giving.
While the demands of life do affect the time-space opportunity to put forth a valiant effort, it has often become the excuse induced crutch that only drives this matter further.
So what do I do?
Do I drown myself in sorrow, self-pity, and tears of depression?
No.
Absolutely not.
That is one thing that I am determined not to allow.
You see, despite my recognition of how my life has been and continues to develop I have chosen to find ways to still enjoy life. It’s not cliche, just a reality. A reality that again, I’ve consciously chosen to uphold for the rest of my breathing days.
Knowing that I am blessed beyond measure in so many other ways that even if I am unable to connect the way, the frequency and the depth to the particular type and number of persons that my life can still be enjoyed.
While my idealism would like to see the landscape of culture change to create greater connectivity with people, I realize the age-old saying is true:
You cannot change people, you can only change yourself.
So that’s what I’m committed to doing. Changing the way I look at the aloneness that life often brings.
